I don't know where to start or if this is the right place to share. The funeral home phoned a bit ago with news that Doug's "Remains" are now ready to be picked up. I never cried so hard at the thought of DOUG COMING HOME. No one would understand, it is so Obscurely different. I am like what do I do to prepare. Can't cook a meal for him...duh? I fade into reality and out into that fog again. What is worse is my car is not working and a neighbor took it to work to see if it is minor or not. I am lost. I feel like when I call friends they think I should be together and over ALL the grief..sadness. sometimes it is managable for a bit. Tried to get to face to face grief group for additional support and the first week no one showed and the second week the car didn't make it. So I am forever grateful to be here. Doug has a bird, cockatiel that is/was VERY attached to him so in prep for his homecoming, I did an extra special cleaning of her cage and told her Dad would soon be back so to speak. She is 12 years old and searches the apt for him but at the same time has been my solace because I am handicapped to a degreed and not able to work. I know it can only get better with time but today I think I have fallen backwards and more lonely again. Thanks for listening. Bless you all.

 

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Ellen,
My husband died 9 months ago. I received the same call from the funeral home that you did. My son had planned to go with me the day I was to pick up my husbands remains. The day I got the call, I then called my son. As it turned out he couldn't go with me. He is a police officer and he had to be in court. I was just sick to my stomach at the thought of having to do this by myself. Not only did I have to go to the funeral home then I had to bring his remains home alone. It turned out not as bad as I feared. In fact, all the way home I was talking to my husband. I can only imagine what other drivers were thinking, about the woman talking away and no one else in the car. And now,the nice case I have is sitting on my desk, I reach out frequently and rub the case as I go by.
I am sorry for the other problems you are having. Does seem like when it rains, it pours. Right now, I am just struggling, trying to imagine how I am going to make it through the holidays. And then when I get through that, I am faced with the one year annivisary of his death in early Feb.
May God grant us the peace and comfort we so desire. Hugs to all!
Mary, Thank you so much for your special words. Just before I was reading it my apts. were telling me our lease is about to be up . YES, it is pouring on my emotional parade right this second. I just have to breathe and NOT think of the holidays yet....God Bless you and peace to you my friend.

Mary said:
Ellen,
My husband died 9 months ago. I received the same call from the funeral home that you did. My son had planned to go with me the day I was to pick up my husbands remains. The day I got the call, I then called my son. As it turned out he couldn't go with me. He is a police officer and he had to be in court. I was just sick to my stomach at the thought of having to do this by myself. Not only did I have to go to the funeral home then I had to bring his remains home alone. It turned out not as bad as I feared. In fact, all the way home I was talking to my husband. I can only imagine what other drivers were thinking, about the woman talking away and no one else in the car. And now,the nice case I have is sitting on my desk, I reach out frequently and rub the case as I go by.
I am sorry for the other problems you are having. Does seem like when it rains, it pours. Right now, I am just struggling, trying to imagine how I am going to make it through the holidays. And then when I get through that, I am faced with the one year annivisary of his death in early Feb.
May God grant us the peace and comfort we so desire. Hugs to all!
When Joe was ready to be picked up I felt like I was headed to the airport to pick him up after a long trip. It was so weird at how happy I was, I've never cried so hard in my life but I was so excited. I had my brother-in-law build a nice box for his box to fit in. And I don't know if you believe that animals can sense those on the other side, but keep an eye on the bird, she'll let you know if he's there. I'm sure she had a special call when he came home, pay attention she'll let you know. Our dog Sophi will bark at the box when Joe is here and she still goes thru boughts of depression just like me. So does his tortoise Morty, he knows somethings wrong too!
I am kind of ambivalent about the decision I made to have Byron cremated, and his cremains deposited 12 miles off the coast of San Diego - I don't have a gravesite or a memorial urn (I do have a lock of his hair I cut at the moment he died, and a couple of pictures I took of him at that time). One day we got on the subject of death, dying and funerals - he emphatically told me that he did NOT want a funeral ceremony, he did NOT want to be buried in Montana, where he was born - that he did not want _any_ fuss made about his body at all. I then half-jokingly said, "Well, I'll cremate you and keep your urn on the mantel" - he gave me the strangest look, by which I got the impression that he would NOT want that.

Comfort, grace and healing be with you all - Yaca Attwood Perkins

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