he's gone

To day is the one yr anniversary of my beloved husband Henry's death. I still miss him so much seem's like yesterday. when will the hurt stop. Oh my God !!!

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Permalink Reply by debbie flores on November 5, 2010 at 4:19pm

It does ease with time & with work surrounding your grief & bereavement processes. I've best heard it as:
"Death leaves a pain no one can heal, Love leaves memories no one can steal"
Continue to use all healing tools & positive avenues available to you, wishing you the best....

Permalink Reply by Susan Mayer on November 5, 2010 at 7:32pm

It's been only 2 months (today) for me, so I can't speak from firsthand experience. It's all still pretty raw for me. But a cousin of my husband's, who lost his wife not quite 2 years ago, says it's like a physical wound. It hurts less as time goes on, but the scar is always there. Another family friend who's been through this loss twice says something similar, that the pain doesn't go away, but it does get "softer." I sure hope so. I am so sorry for your loss and your continuing pain, Jeanette. I'm sending you hugs.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on November 5, 2010 at 11:08pm

It's only been 15 days for me and I can't imagine hurting this bad for a year or 2. I miss Jim so much, I know I always will. But it just hurts so bad. All I have to do is say his name and I fall apart. Does that get better?

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on November 5, 2010 at 11:08pm

Permalink Reply by Connie Elder on November 6, 2010 at 6:51pm

Susan, The 10th will be 6 months for me. Right now I can't say it will get better because it has been such a roller coaster ride for me. I think of Bill some days all day long. When I am alone in the car I just cry and scream as loud as I can. Then there are some days I can make it all day without crying. I took care of Bill 24/7 for 8 years so I don't know what to do with myself.Just take it one day at a time and keep in touch with everyone on this site. I don't always write but, I do read everything that is written by everyone. God Bless you and Hugs to you.

Susan Mayer said:

It's been only 2 months (today) for me, so I can't speak from firsthand experience. It's all still pretty raw for me. But a cousin of my husband's, who lost his wife not quite 2 years ago, says it's like a physical wound. It hurts less as time goes on, but the scar is always there. Another family friend who's been through this loss twice says something similar, that the pain doesn't go away, but it does get "softer." I sure hope so. I am so sorry for your loss and your continuing pain, Jeanette. I'm sending you hugs.

Permalink Reply by Debbie Treadway on November 6, 2010 at 7:14pm

Barbara, it has only been 2 1/2 months for me but it has gotten a little better. I miss him everyday and still cry but not as much. I don't think the pain will ever go away but I do see that it is a little easier to bear now. I also got a couple of books about grieving spouses and that has help me to at least understand that the feelings I have are a part of this long journey that I am on. This site has been a wonderful blessing for me. I don't post much but I read every day and I am so glad to have found such great friends. We are all here for you and all of you are in my prayers every day.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on November 6, 2010 at 7:41pm

Thanks Debbie. Monday it will be Jim and my 38th wedding anniv. I took care of Jim 24/7 also this year when he became sick, and now I'm at a loss. I never once regretted taking care of him, never once needed a break. Now the time goes by so slowly. Mon. I go back to work for the first time since May. Don't know if that will help, but I have to work. Take care and thanks again.

Permalink Reply by jeanette williams on November 6, 2010 at 8:01pm

THANK U ALL...I I'VE CRYED BUT I HAVE TO GET USE TO HIM GONE. I'VE MOVED TOANOTHER CITY BUT U TAKE THE PAIN WITH U. I KNOW IT WILL GET A LIL BETTER.AS EACH DAY AND YEAR PASSES

Permalink Reply by Kay Arcuni on November 6, 2010 at 8:52pm

It will be 12 weeks this Tuesday. I only got the chance to care for Joe for 24 hours before he left me so suddenly. It's true I think about him everyday, working does help but as soon as there is any free time my thoughts are right back to him. I still sometimes will wake with a start thinking he is laying next to me in bed. I like to believe he is there with me resting from his new adventure because it is his safe space. I can't even imagine not living in our house that we turned into a home together, he is around me every where i look and I take comfort in that. Some days i miss him so much it hurts like a physical pain to my heart and then I have those days that I feel peace, but the hope that he'll be here when I get home is always there. I also know that feeling that type of effortless love will never be mine again. And I now know how my mother felt when my dad died, he was her only love, and even though she had suitors in her later years she would never let anyone fill the space in her heart. My mom died from lung cancer within 9 month and I now have relized that she had been ill for a very long time but she wanted to be with my dad so much she never told us, because she knew it was her time to be with him. One day it will be our turn to be on the other side with those we love so dearly, but we have not been chosen yet so we must have a purpose to serve here. And while we feel the physical pain of them leaving, we are all lucky enough to know that their
love was never ending. Peace to all. Thank you

Permalink Reply by Nina on November 6, 2010 at 9:03pm

Hi Jeanette, it's now been 8 months & 5 days ( MARCH 1st, 2010 ) since GOD took my beloved husband John home to be with him. I still miss my husband just as much today as I did in the beginning. God wanted or needed another Rose for his garden so he chose our husbands. I too wonder when the pain will either stop or cease. The Holidays are already looking bad for me, even though we never did any thing special, WE WAS TOGETHER. I miss him more than I thought possible to miss any one or anything. We will see our Beloved Husbands again in Heaven when GOD calls us home. God Bless.

Permalink Reply by Debbie Treadway on November 6, 2010 at 9:39pm

Barbara, Our anniversary was Oct. 30th. My family was with me from then until Monday night so I didn't have much alone time, but when I went to bed Monday all I could do was cry. Like you I also took care of Waymon for many years, and now I don't know what to do with my time. I miss doing for him so much. I went back to work a week after he passed away. The first few weeks were rough. I had a hard time concentrating and just had to go be by myself and cry sometimes. It is slowly getting better and the time is not going quite as slow as it did at first. i hope that going back to work helps you some. Please let me know how it goes.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Richmond on November 6, 2010 at 11:49pm

I have not reached one year yet, my husband died the third of March of this year and I do believe that the pain will never go away, maybe it will dull a little, otherwise how are we going to be able to withstand it? I know the older I get perhaps I get wiser but I also get weaker and lose a little more of everything, my mind, my memory, my walking, talking and so on, but I do not think my memory of him will ever lessen, thus the pain will remain. He was my life and my heart and yet still I live even though my heart is gone. I feel so badly for all of you that all I can do is pray for all of us
God bless each and every one of us all.