Hoping for positive advice from others who feel as empty and lonely as I do without him here...

I hate the anniversary of his death every month on the 26th which was the day he died in 2011, when he died I really have felt dead as well? I try and try to feel happy again like I was when he roamed on this Planet we use as a playground. But It continues to get worse on my end and I can't do many of the things I did before he died, maybe because I feel lost without him? I wish he would somehow visit me via a dream, anything! He has a very cruel ex wife who happens to be a psychologist yet I know she enjoys hurting me even worse than suddenly losing my amazing boyfriend... They had a daughter together, she was really his only "family member" that mattered to him, and her mean Mother, whom is very vindictive towards me, maybe "jealousy", I don't know? But I do know she has said so many hurtful things to me and also Mark's daughter has his eyes, just like looking at him, sadly for me her vicious Mother/ex wife (who was awful to Mark when he was still living, they had a bad Divorce, she cheated on him and manipulated him the 8 years they were married. He told me how crazy she was, but boy, was he candy coating how the fact of her being what I deem insane, because I never wanted to meet her and her Husband she left My dear Mark for, based on stories Mark told me about her. Then the day came when he died... And I finally had to meet her also hoping she somehow could comfort me too in the aftermath of him passing away. And WOW, Mark really hid how she was still terrible to him even after she left him and hurt him, he forgave her for the sake of their daughter they had together. He was the kindest, most soothing, compassionate, loyal, funny, handsome man I have ever known, and I feel I will always be alone since nobody is him... Also his mean ex-wife who I now will refer to as "Loonie", sends me emails that are snide and I see right through them, and she aka "Loonie" told me that his own pride and joy being his daughter "hates me"?? Why? When I asked "Loonie", she said to me on the phone with the most fake, phony caring voice to me that, "well Mark only loved two women ever in his life, me and our daughter. Now you are the third women and she can't handle that." ??? WHAT!! I replied to her saying, well I know he loved his Mother and his first girlfriend Tara from High School, and why would his daughter call me "the other woman" when she was his kid not a wife/girlfriend, she should be happy knowing her Father finally healed his heart from her Mom and found me and we shared pure love, he obviously loved ME differently... I do think though his daughter has his eyes, she inherited very catty traits from the mean Mother she has? I've always been and was so kind and thoughtful to both of them, his daughter won't respond to me? I think it could be because her twisted Mom/"Loonie" has told her lies about me, something doesn't make sense there? Id love to talk, be friends with and share memories and also know what my Father loved, enjoyed and was up to during his final days and Id be thrilled he was in love! My Dad is still alive, Thank God! And when I put myself in Mark's daughter's shoes and try to comprehend how she is to me, it never makes sense to me. She threw away all his precious belongings and my stuff I had at his house after he died in the trash, pictures of his parents/her grandparents, he was a very talented Musician who was in various famous well known bands, and she and her mean Mom sadly had control after he died, and never even thought nor cared to give his band mates back their own instruments, music, etc... And a band is a business, that was Mark's passion, music, he had I told him once "a musicians soul", his ex Loonie and his own daughter never cared or even listened to his band/bands?? And his band had many hit singles on the radio, in movies etc... His life long friend and singer of his band said to me after Mark died, "Babe, he loved you. These people only used him as a go too guy. I wrote a song once and the lyrics said, "you didn't know me, you only knew my name." His singer and my great friend both feel awful how Mark's "family" disposed of him and couldn't embrace who Mark really was, and he to was shocked to be treated poorly by Mark's daughter after he passed away suddenly... So I'm not alone there knowing that his daughter and ex wife are very odd to say the least! Mark wouldn't want them hurting his friends and band members or me, I know that! He does have a brother who is out of state that I met at Mark's funeral, his sweet brother didn't even know of me and our relationship, they weren't to close as brothers! Yet he and his sweet wife keep in touch with me and in 2011 the year he died came to L.A. and called me on what was Mark's Birthday to meet them for coffee, I told his brother, wow how strange its his birthday and I won't be having breakfast or dinner with him today and now Ill be having coffee with his little brother? Strange how life is, because his brother forgot it was the day Mark way born till I reminded him?! They were sooo kind to me, and they without me bringing it up told me not to let "Loonie" know they were in town, they seemed to be on the same page with me there! And me being thoughtful, thought of Mark's daughter on his birthday, and suggested to his brother and sister in law to go and be an "Uncle" to her after coffee, since I knew it must be hard as a child to lose their Dad and it was the first birthday alone for her since he passed. And like NORMAL people/family, they even told the daughter they were with ME and wanted to visit her after our coffee, she sounded thrilled on the phone from what I could hear!! And she also didn't say anything mean or negative about me to her uncle either?? Is the Mom hurting even her own daughter too with false information?? Probably? Q? How did LOONIE, get a PHd in Psychology?? Funny thing, Mark was a GREAT Doctor/Psychologist too, she left him for her therapist Mark paid for since Loonie said to him she wasn't happy and needed counseling for their Marriage, then Mark after a YEAR found out and confronted both her psychologist and his then wife when he found out she was having an affair with the Doctor Mark was paying to "fix her issues in their marriage"!!! Mark ended up getting full custody of his daughter, which is very rare of a man/dad to do or want, I think he is a Saint for doing that! And as I said he was funny! He ended up having "Loonie's" psychologist/soon to be new husband and still is with her?? Well Mark asked him to join his practice, just to spite "Loonie" and that guy, let them feel the guilt they did, and Mark was the better and bigger person and did this to keep their daughter feeling stable!! I miss him every second and cry all the time, and btw, time does NOT heal all wounds... I'm deeply wounded and don't think Ill ever be able to feel happy again and stop suffering this horrible agony knowing Ill never kiss,talk,hug him again in the flesh... and yesterday was 28 months since he left and became an Angel, and I'm still grieving very bad, I know he would not want this for me to, also he is the only psychologist that probably could teach me coping steps over his loss, but he is dead and he can't help me now... No therapist/Doctor/friend has been able to help me try and enjoy life again without MARK... I keep any little thing of his, some would find it pathetic of me perhaps, but, little things do mean A LOT!! Signed, A very sad lost girlfriend of my once living boyfriend who now is My Guardian Angel, somewhere on the other side???

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Replies to This Discussion

I'm so sorry you're hurting. It is strange how their "loved ones" aren't very loving after a death. My husbands family doesn't understand why I'm still sad and they told me it doesn't do any good to cry I should be strong and move on with my life. It's only been 3 months. And as far as "a life" I don't have a life anymore it died when my husband died. I'm just existing day to day and putting on a fake face for others I'm so worried I will never feel happiness again.

whymeohlord:  I am so sorry for the loss of your Mark and that you have to join this group, but happy you have come to this forum to gain some strength because everyone on here can relate to your loss. 

My Ernie passed away April 27, 2011 of pancreatic cancer and I still miss him with every breath and heartbeat.  It's gaining 10 steps forward and 20 back sometimes, but believe it or not we are here so it means we have more strength in us that we realize. 

It is very common when families are not there for support; some families can be nasty like Mark's ex wife and their daughter.  Psychiatry isn't a proven science and doesn't let the person off the hook who is one have a degree in 'being normal themselves.'  I think his ex wife is jealous you have brought the best out in Mark where she has failed and it's also common to some degree that the jaded parent (Mark's ex wife) poison the child or children left behind and not thinking of the welfare of them. In time the daughter will come around when she can think for herself as she's grieving for her father right now and feels torn between trying to keep peace with her only surviving parent (her mother) while remaining loyal to her father.  Although you feel time doesn't heal it does and if you look back and see that Mark's youngest brother and wife came out nowhere and both are there for you I believe Mark made that happen and, that means Mark is watching over you and protecting you.  Miracles do happen in life even after we lose the true love of our life.  No matter how hard it is hon your Mark would want you to go on in his memory and lean on his younger brother and wife and his friends.  You ARE strong. 

I hope you keep coming here and just release all your feelings as we're here and know how you feel as we're going through loss of our loved ones as well.  This forum has saved my life many times.

Big hugs (because you need one)

Marsha



Jane P. said:

Why, Sometimes people get pleasure out of making others suffer and in the case of Loonie, she is doing a good job.  RIght now you need to step away from those making your life miserable and worry about you.  Grieving is difficult without adding the living into the mix.  The ones I feel sorry for the most are you and Mark's daughter.  You both lost someone who was special in your life and that is what you need to focus on.  Take it one step at a time and stay far away from Loonie as possible or she will drag you down a road you do need to travel down.  



Nina  said:My husband died a few months ago and I am totally lost without him but no one can understand unless they walked in your shoes do not let an ex get to you just ignore her change your e mail  have nothing to do with her or you will go insane I feel that way and I am by myself no children everyone tells me they understand they mean well but they have not been there I do not have all the answers but stay far away from the ex she.  will do everything to hurt you  do not let her. Now who can help me? thanks for listening



Jane P. said:

Why, Sometimes people get pleasure out of making others suffer and in the case of Loonie, she is doing a good job.  RIght now you need to step away from those making your life miserable and worry about you.  Grieving is difficult without adding the living into the mix.  The ones I feel sorry for the most are you and Mark's daughter.  You both lost someone who was special in your life and that is what you need to focus on.  Take it one step at a time and stay far away from Loonie as possible or she will drag you down a road you do need to travel down.  



Jan said:

I'm so sorry you're hurting. It is strange how their "loved ones" aren't very loving after a death. My husbands family doesn't understand why I'm still sad and they told me it doesn't do any good to cry I should be strong and move on with my life. It's only been 3 months. And as far as "a life" I don't have a life anymore it died when my husband died. I'm just existing day to day and putting on a fake face for others I'm so worried I will never feel happiness again.

I also lost my husband of 56 years 3 months ago, on April 25th.  I have seen a psychologist regularly. I knew him before my husband's death.  He said it will peak - continue to get worse - at about 6 months and slowly decrease until about a year.  I t will never be gone, but at 18 months I will not be suffering like this.  i hope this helps.

Maretta Deiterman said:



Jan said:

I'm so sorry you're hurting. It is strange how their "loved ones" aren't very loving after a death. My husbands family doesn't understand why I'm still sad and they told me it doesn't do any good to cry I should be strong and move on with my life. It's only been 3 months. And as far as "a life" I don't have a life anymore it died when my husband died. I'm just existing day to day and putting on a fake face for others I'm so worried I will never feel happiness again.

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