how about some non-negative aspects of our lives? there have to be some!

I have posted this thought before,and today as I get ready for the Memorial Celabration of my husband's life,I am looking at the literally hundreds of people who will be there and who were touched in some way by him and I think."How wonderful and thoughtful of all these people to come and pay tribute to him"if I can't find a possitive in this,then there is a big problem.I have to get out of Myself and DO things,and NOT mope and cry so much.Of course,I cry and feel lonely and depressed,but not ALL the time.We have to try.I picked an"Angel", a 10 year old girl, from JCPenny yesterday,and sent her a new winter jacket that was on her wish list.It cost $18 and I felt so good! I have to do more of this.Voluteering,maybe going back in the class room to help with reading skills.Something.Let's all try to get our lives back,even a little.Hope this inspires someone.

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Permalink Reply by Lorraine C O'Garro on November 7, 2010 at 12:23pm

Thanks, great comment. I'm trying to get back my life as well. It will take time, but that's all I have now.

Permalink Reply by Kim Hawkins on November 7, 2010 at 2:31pm

I know it is hard. But I do voluteer in my 6 year olds school. I am a youth leader at church which my 16 year old is part of. While my husband was alive he was my biggest supporter in doing this work. We have tried to teach our children to give back to others who have had it harder than us. Barry and my saying we learned to live by was "no matter how bad you have it there is someone that has it worse than you. " I know when you lose a spouse you think how can it be worse than that. But I have to look at the great love and respect Barry and I had for each other. I know there are people who have never found that great love. If I can help make youth understand what it is like to find someone who will love them and respect them and have a great life together then I have reached out and put a smile on Gods face.

So doing for others will be a great reward. Sometimes I just want to hide and stay home. But when I seee the smiles on peoples face when I do this it brings a warm touch to my heart.

On Christmas morning take a minute and think about that little girl and the big smile she will have on your face when she opens that coat.

Permalink Reply by Kathy King Kates on November 7, 2010 at 5:15pm

I have been volunteering at my sister's school and it really does help me get out of myself. The 2nd graders are so cute and so respectful it puts a smile on my face. My daughter and I helped the Friday before Halloween as the school did a Character Parade. It was so cute cus everyone had to dress like the character in one of their story books. We had to parade up and down the street in front of all the parents and it was so fun to share this laughter for a good change. Then they had an awards program and that was awesome too. They get so excited getting these little key chains for getting a's & b's. I did have a bit of a cry on my way home cus I know how my Bill loved watching all the little ones at Halloween but I know he was smiling down so they were happy tears. Then I had a bad gallbladder attack on Saturday and have been stuck home ever since with my daughter waiting on me. So happy it will be removed on Wednesday and I can get back to the children. It really does help to get out of yourself even for a short time. I hope everyone can give some thought to this. Lots of "angels" out there waiting for our help with the holidays around the corner. Share some ways everyone is going about their new "life". Hugs for always............

Permalink Reply by Audrey on November 7, 2010 at 9:28pm

Nine weeks yesterday for me. Still very raw. Some things that have helped just a little is making plans and doing things that I remember I used to like to do. I took a drawing class, not terribly successful as my ability to focus and concentrate are not what they need to be but did get me out of the house one night a week. I had paid for the class and so was able to make myself gather supplies and go each week. Also went to a hockey game with my son and two symphony concerts with friends and those breaks in the loneliness have helped a great deal. I am trying to rebuild myself into a complete human being. We were married for almost 29 years and I am having a hard time being alone after being half of a couple for so long. As others have said, baby steps.... I found out the local veterans home needed donations so took many of my husbands nicer things and that made me feel a little better.

Permalink Reply by Jo on November 8, 2010 at 7:58am

I don't think it matters what you do as long as you do something.I think we all need to think of what we would like to explore on our own,starting a new normal for ourselves.It has been only 12 weeks fof me,but I know I need to start re-thinking my life without my Husband.Thankfully,I am not alone,in the sense that I have a very supportive network of family and friends,who have been and contnue to be here for me.I teach,and am starting,or,re-starting my own business,and I am the Graphic designer and Public Relations Diresctor for a non-profit theatre company.I need to refocus on all these things,even though I can easily see myself sitting on my couch.watching movies all day.That's the easy way out,and not possitive or life-affirming for ME.I hope others can try step by step to have sanity.It is hard,and there are days of horrrible sadness and lonelyness.We can get through it.It just takes time and we should all take the time we NEED,not the time others tell us we should take.We know ourselves best.We should work on that.

Permalink Reply by Jo on November 8, 2010 at 7:58am

Permalink Reply by Audrey on November 8, 2010 at 8:34am

Absolutely! Each of us needs to try to find a new normal and also not be too hard on ourselves if we try things that don't work now that used to. I feel like I am building a new person and some of the old parts don't fit the way I would like. I miss my mind. I often feel like my brain is only working about half speed or less and am having to make sure I write myself notes as terribly forgetful. Please keep trying to make a new life for yourself at your speed!

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on November 10, 2010 at 2:01pm

I've continued being a 'temporary guest of the State of California'; I visit twice a month and try to write twice month - I've continued in a prison ministry at the California Institution for Women, Corona; I started in 2001; the first lady I was matched with had been found suitable for parole ELEVEN TIMES; the staff and warden knew she didn't need to be there, but the governor finally allowed her to leave on 12 August 2010 - and I was standing by the gate at CIW when she left with a red rose for her - and we cried and cried tears of joy - she is doing very well at a halfway house (she'd been at CIW almost 30 years - she said she could not believe all the people with the Bluetooth pieces and cellphones!) I have another match; this lady is due to be released in about a year.....

Permalink Reply by Christy on November 10, 2010 at 2:17pm

Hey Jo, it sounds like I'm trying just as you are. The first thing I did after Larry died that actually felt amazing was give blood for the first time. I had wanted to do it for years but had this unrealistic fear, which I am so thrilled to have overcome; what a blessing! This past weekend I shopped for & filled 2 shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. I wake up crying every morning and cry in bursts throughout each day, but I am trying to have a positive influence on someone each day-well that's my goal. I love hearing your messg. & about you buying a coat for your angel! Best wishes to our continued success!

Permalink Reply by Christy on November 10, 2010 at 2:31pm

I agree with you 100%. I am not recovering quite as quickly as you, however. I do not have a large support base & family; in fact I am continually troubled by Larry's extended family who all happen to live here in our small town. All them vs. me, but I don't understand why. I am trying to stay "prayed up" for peace & protection, but it drains me to deal with these people. I work FT & go to school PT/online currently, but it feels like the more I need to do, the less I feel capable of doing! My mind is shot. I can't socialize for more than minutes at a time before I lose it. I am dreading being around so many people on Thanksgiving. I hate to be a downer. I appreciate hearing that you & others are existing in much the same way- none of us chose to be in this situation, yet here we are dealing with it the best we can.

Jo said:

I don't think it matters what you do as long as you do something.I think we all need to think of what we would like to explore on our own,starting a new normal for ourselves.It has been only 12 weeks fof me,but I know I need to start re-thinking my life without my Husband.Thankfully,I am not alone,in the sense that I have a very supportive network of family and friends,who have been and contnue to be here for me.I teach,and am starting,or,re-starting my own business,and I am the Graphic designer and Public Relations Diresctor for a non-profit theatre company.I need to refocus on all these things,even though I can easily see myself sitting on my couch.watching movies all day.That's the easy way out,and not possitive or life-affirming for ME.I hope others can try step by step to have sanity.It is hard,and there are days of horrrible sadness and lonelyness.We can get through it.It just takes time and we should all take the time we NEED,not the time others tell us we should take.We know ourselves best.We should work on that.

Permalink Reply by Christy on November 10, 2010 at 2:33pm

Thank you Audrey for your words of encouragement.

Audrey said:

Absolutely! Each of us needs to try to find a new normal and also not be too hard on ourselves if we try things that don't work now that used to. I feel like I am building a new person and some of the old parts don't fit the way I would like. I miss my mind. I often feel like my brain is only working about half speed or less and am having to make sure I write myself notes as terribly forgetful. Please keep trying to make a new life for yourself at your speed!

Permalink Reply by Christy on November 10, 2010 at 2:49pm

Wow, it only been 9 weeks & you have done more than I have even considered! It's been about the same for me, (Aug. 27th), & I haven't touched his boots by the door, or his robe on the bathroom door- nothing! I suspect that you were more prepared than I for this day. I lost my husband suddenly in an accident at his job- he was 38 yrs. old. I am still coping each morning with the realization that he is not here & isn't coming back. It's a shock to my system. God bless you & best wishes for a beautiful life just ahead.

Audrey said:

Nine weeks yesterday for me. Still very raw. Some things that have helped just a little is making plans and doing things that I remember I used to like to do. I took a drawing class, not terribly successful as my ability to focus and concentrate are not what they need to be but did get me out of the house one night a week. I had paid for the class and so was able to make myself gather supplies and go each week. Also went to a hockey game with my son and two symphony concerts with friends and those breaks in the loneliness have helped a great deal. I am trying to rebuild myself into a complete human being. We were married for almost 29 years and I am having a hard time being alone after being half of a couple for so long. As others have said, baby steps.... I found out the local veterans home needed donations so took many of my husbands nicer things and that made me feel a little better.