My  name is Laura. I lost my best friend, my love Mike 9 months ago to 2 months after he was diagnosed with lung cancer; and it  just seams like it keeps going downhill. I have not family here and and can't afford to move back to Louisiana, where my children live. Mike had been talking about getting insurance before he was diagnosed and since he took care of the finances I thought he did. After mike's passing I had to deal with 5 other deaths and it has been hard. Then in Feb. my truck broke down, and it so hard to ask someone for help. I do have more to say' but it sounds like I am whining and I don't want to come off that way. The way things are going I don't want to go on living this way. I just need some words of wisdom on How do I go on this way?

 

Thank you for listening 

Laura

 

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The biggest problem is finding a way to get to my Dr. appts. Is there anyone out there that can help me fix my truck. I have no family here and I can see it on the peoples faces that they are getting fed up with me ask for a ride. I  call the community center here but there is only one person that will take me and she said that the other don't want to because they say I am not old enough. If I could walk it I would. I told them if I had family here or if I could get my truck fixed I would not bother them. I just know what else to do.

 thank you

for all the info

and the hugs

 

 

 

Marcy Dawn Maday said:

Dear Laura ...

 

I am so sorry to hear of the circumstances you are in and for your loss and the other 5 deaths certainly did not help your situation.  Once a spouse passes away we are forced to look at our own mortality and that is not pleasant, but eventually, in time, we come to peace with it believe it or not.  My husband passed away April 27, 2011 from pancreatic cancer and it still bothers me that I was not there when he passed away.  I am still struggling, but have faith in God; small family on my side; friends and the good people on this forum.  I too find it difficult to reach out and ask someone for help with the heavier work, but forced myself too and it was a shock to me how many of my friends came to my aid; even neighbors.  Solutions are needed in many cases so perhaps try a few churches in your area and see if they can help you financially to get you to Louisiana, but be sure you have discussed this with your children and have somewhere to stay once there.  As much as it hurts you missing your Mike try staying where you are for a little bit longer until you can start to think straight.  Grieving can leave you in a fog; cause you to make bad decisions, so hang on a little longer regarding moving.  If you have good neighbors then don't be afraid to ask for help to get your truck fixed.  I found my neighbors have fixed many things for me.  You are not whining at all and we have all been down the same road you have been down.  At first I would keep the blinds closed; keep to myself; seldom answer the phone; lay or sit around; still have a little bit of a rough time eating properly; feelings of being over-whelmed, but as the days pass and my faith it is getting a little better.  My heart still aches for my Ernie, but I know he would want me to go on and that is a promise I made to him several days before he passed.  Your Mike would want you to go on and as down and foggy-headed as you may feel right now remember that you have a right to feel this way.  Cry; get a little angry; cry more if need be and that you will know when the time is right to start moving in a more positive direction.  

 

Hugs & God Bless

Marcy    

Dear Pete ...

 

You are welcome.  I pray for us all and I do believe all of us will find some peace in our lives and do what we feel is best for ourselves. 

 

You take care of yourself!

 

Prayers always for all

Marcy

 

Pete Bronson said:

Glenda,

 

I am sorry for your loss. I understand that you may feel like you might have tried to do more as I often question if I could have done more or at least something differently that would have kept me from loosing my Rose. Unfortunately with some illnesses there is only so much we can do, if the doctors could not help there really isn't much we could except to show our love and devotion until the end. I know it is not much of a consolation but take some solace in the fact that they suffer and hurt no more, we are left to do that now.

 

Floss and Marcy,

 

Thank you both for your kind words, prayers, and thoughts. We all need those things so much these days just to get by!

 

I wish you all peace and tranquility!

 

Hugs,

 

Pete

Glenda ...  Never mind what your mother said, you did it all!  My husband Ernie suffered so in hospital and I did everything possible never dreaming at that time he would actually pass away and after he did pass away I kept questioning myself if I could have done more for him.  Now I realize that it is a grieving process as far as sometimes looking back and wondering if we could have done more, but when someone is so ill and has no quality of life then it is time for them to go and so hard for us to let them go.  I miss my Ernie so much and cry off and on; so many memories, but then as the weeks go by I realize as much as I miss him I would never want him to come back in the pain he was in.  People who are terminally ill are well medicated and whether at home or in hospital they are soul weary and it would be selfish of one to expect them to go on without a quality of life.  The hardest thing I ever did was assure my Ernie it was OK to leave and I would be fine.  He seemed to breath a sigh of relief and not long after passed away.  So dear heart, believe in yourself and know that your spouse loved you and trusted you and you did all you could do. In time you will come to realize that.

Big hugs & prayers your way to give you strength

 

Marcy

Glenda Madsen said:


Thank yoku so much for your kind words.  I really needed to hear that.  I am always getting told by his mother I didn't do enough.  THANK YOU!!
Pete Bronson said:

Glenda,

 

I am sorry for your loss. I understand that you may feel like you might have tried to do more as I often question if I could have done more or at least something differently that would have kept me from loosing my Rose. Unfortunately with some illnesses there is only so much we can do, if the doctors could not help there really isn't much we could except to show our love and devotion until the end. I know it is not much of a consolation but take some solace in the fact that they suffer and hurt no more, we are left to do that now.

 

Floss and Marcy,

 

Thank you both for your kind words, prayers, and thoughts. We all need those things so much these days just to get by!

 

I wish you all peace and tranquility!

 

Hugs,

 

Pete

Dear Laura ..

You are just starting your grieving period and it puts you into a fog; one can make mistakes and not think clearly.  The people who have been giving you a ride may well want to help (at least one or two) so ask one of them right out 'I am not use to imposing on people and it is a problem for you giving me a ride.'  I have done this myself and what I thought people were thinking was not the truth at all and they were quite willing to give me a ride to wherever I went as I was too foggy-headed to drive.  You might try phoning a few of the schools that teach mechanics and see if the teacher there could get the students to work on your truck.  I have had friends do that and it does not cost anything.  Phone Mental Health and tell them your problem because there are so many outlets there and also phone a Hospice where there is counseling because they can lead you in many good directions.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Love & Hugs

Marcy

Thank you for listening

I know that he is in a better place and is no longer in any pain, but that does not change how I am feeling and the thoughts running through my mind. Ever since I was a teen I have had a reoccurring dream that I would be homeless and when Pete Bronson stated that he is now homeless; I think about it more. I am so sorry.

Thank you all for listening just so tired feeling this way.

Laura

 

Marrie Osmun-Little said:

I wish I had some words of wisdom Laura, I sit right where you are sitting.  My partner in love life and business died 11 months ago.  He did not have insurance either.  I lost 2 other people very close to me within a month of his death.  Just lost my car because I could not afford the payments.  Believe me I understand.  Rich died 8 days after being diagnosed with cancer.  He had not been ill, until 8 days before he died he collapsed in our home. 

 

Thank you for sharing and hopefully we can walk through this together.  Like you people say he is in a better place and I feel cheated that I can not be with him.  Thank you for listening.   Marrie

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