How long does grief last.

No Description

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kim on September 10, 2010 at 3:04pm

Maybe I am not the best person to answer this question because my husband passed away 3 months ago, but I really don't think anyone can answer that question with an exact time. Each one of us is different and grieve in our own way & in out own time. For some people it may take 6 months to a year, for others they may never stop grieving. I have been told by many people you will learn to deal with the pain better as time goes on, but it never really goes away.

Permalink Reply by Nell R. Hood on September 10, 2010 at 3:17pm

Thanks, Kim, for your comments. Just being able to talk about grief is something new for me. Friends my age have not lost their husbands yet, so they do not want to listen. An open ear is a comfort to me and thanks so much, Kim

Kim said:

Maybe I am not the best person to answer this question because my husband passed away 3 months ago, but I really don't think anyone can answer that question with an exact time. Each one of us is different and grieve in our own way & in out own time. For some people it may take 6 months to a year, for others they may never stop grieving. I have been told by many people you will learn to deal with the pain better as time goes on, but it never really goes away.

Permalink Reply by Nell R. Hood on September 10, 2010 at 3:17pm

Maybe I am not the best person to answer this question because my husband passed away 3 months ago, but I really don't think anyone can answer that question with an exact time. Each one of us is different and grieve in our own way & in out own time. For some people it may take 6 months to a year, for others they may never stop grieving. I have been told by many people you will learn to deal with the pain better as time goes on, but it never really goes away.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on September 10, 2010 at 5:44pm

DEAR NELL, I DONT KNOW YOUR AGE BUT EVEN AT 55, WOMEN MY AGE DONT HAVE A CLUE WHAT IT IS LIKE TO LOOSE A HUSBAND. I HAVE EVEN NOTICED THAT THE GRIEF GROUPS I HAVE BEEN TOO, EXCEPT ONE, I AM BY FAR THE YOUNGEST ONE THEIR.THAT REALLY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE , THIS SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED TO ME. I DO KNOW ON THIS SITE I HAVE SEEN SOME THAT ARE YOUNGER THAN ME. ANYWAY BACK TO YOUR QUESTION, I WISH I HAD THE ANSWER. YESTERDAY I WAS TALKING WITH A PASTOR FROM A CHURCH AND HE TOLD ME THAT GRIEF JUST TAKES TIME. WHAT KIM SAID IS TRUE WE ALL GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY. I AM STILL A REAL BASKETCASE AND MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY IN FEB. 2010. I KNOW OF OTHERS THAT SEEM TO BE DOING PRETTY WELL. SO I THINK IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO THE DIFFERENCE IN PEOPLE. HOPE THAT HELPS YOU SOME.

Permalink Reply by bc on September 10, 2010 at 7:16pm

Nell, there are no rules, or timelines for grief. I lost my Brad suddenly on August 5, 2009. I thought I was getting somewhat positive at times, but now after the one year anniversary it has been hitting me again and again. I was told by a grief support group that I am in what they call, "the 12-18 month depression". What next? For me I feel it will be a lifetime process as we spent all of our time together, I will always miss Brad but someday we will walk hand in hand again, and never have to be apart again.
Hang in there, let the tears come and don't hold back. Tears are healing.
I wish I had the magic wand to wave and all of our hearts would be put back together again. Stay with Legacy, its the best way I have found to cope with our feelings. Hugs to you and everyone!

Permalink Reply by bc on September 10, 2010 at 7:28pm

I'm sorry Betsy for your loss, but you came to the right place. There is no timeline for grief, it will go on and on but I'm told that it gets easier to handle. I've been in this grief life for 13 months and 5 days and it still hits me like a ton of bricks every so often. Don't rush your grief and don't hold it in. Its no fun being alone but this is what we have been given, I wish I had some magic words for you, all I can say is Love you and I am thinking of you. If you feel like talking call me: 414-852-3422. I'm here for you.

betsy toombs said:

I am fairly new at this. My husband of 32 yrs passed away last week. I just don't know what to do with myself.
We did everything together. I work 2 part time jobs and the toughest part for me is coming home to an empty house where things look the same.
My heart hurts like there is a hole in it.
I adopted a dog today thinking it might be some companionship. I don't know if that was the right thing.
I have 2 children that try to help, but they have their own lives.
I hope i am not going on too much.
I can use any advice at this point.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on September 10, 2010 at 8:03pm

BETSY,LET ME START OUT BY TELLING YOU I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY IN FEB. OF THIS YEAR AND I AM STILL HAVING A REALLY HARD TIME. I WORK A FULLTIME JOB BUT AM LOOKING FOR A 2ND PART TIME JOB. I NEED THE EXTRA MONEY BUT I ALSO HAVE WAY TOO MUCH FREE TIME ON MY HANDS. MY HUSBAND AND I DID EVERYTHING TOGETHER SO I AM AT A LOSS. MY DAUGHTER MOVED BACK IN WITH ME BUT WE WORK DIFFERENT SHIFTS AND SHE IS UNDERSTANDABLY GOING ON WITH HER LIFE. SHE BROUGHT HER DOG WHEN SHE MOVED BACK IN WITH ME AND IT BEING A BIG DOG HAS CAUSED MORE PROBLEMS THAN IT HAS JOY. I KNOW THAT I DO ENJOY THIS SITE BECAUSE PEOPLE HERE CAN RELATE TO WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. I CAN ONLY POST HERE AT WORK BECAUSE I DONT HAVE A COMPUTER AT HOME. I KNOW THAT EVERYONE OF US WILL GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY AND SOME PEOPLE CAN GET THROUGH THE GRIEF PROCESS MUCH QUICKER THAN OTHERS. I THINK IF YOU HAVE A GOOD SUPPORT SYSTEM THROUGH FAMILY, FRIENDS AND CHURCH IT WILL HELP. I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO LET YOURSELF FEEL THE GRIEF AND DONT RUSH IT OR DENY IT. ALSO A REALLY GOOD GRIEF GROUP CAN HELP, I WAS GOING TO ONE BUT THEY HAVE ALREADY DISCONTINUED IT SO SUNDAY I AM STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN WITH A NEW ONE.THIS IS NOT AN EASY THING TO BE GOING THROUGH AND FOR ME I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING SO DIFFICULT IN MY LIFE. I HOPE YOUR DOG DOES TURN OUT TO BE SOME GOOD COMPANIONSHIP FOR YOU AND YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.

betsy toombs said:

I am fairly new at this. My husband of 32 yrs passed away last week. I just don't know what to do with myself.
We did everything together. I work 2 part time jobs and the toughest part for me is coming home to an empty house where things look the same.
My heart hurts like there is a hole in it.
I adopted a dog today thinking it might be some companionship. I don't know if that was the right thing.
I have 2 children that try to help, but they have their own lives.
I hope i am not going on too much.
I can use any advice at this point.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on September 10, 2010 at 9:01pm

Hi to all, I cant help much but its been almost 17 months since LouAnn died suddenly. I am no better off as she was my pal and all I have is empty days and lonely nights. Grieving is still there. This site will help you share the things you are going thru. There is no set way of doing or not doing things. You still need to grieve, cry and be sad. Only you will know what to do.And only we know how to understand. So vent here when you just need to "let it out". Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on September 10, 2010 at 9:34pm

Betsy,

There is no such thing as "going on too much" here. This is the place you can ramble and vent as much as you want. We all understand. In fact, probably what you say, we all have felt or are feeling as you are writing it.

Somewhere I read (it could have been on this site, I'm not sure) that it takes 1 year to get through the grief for every 5 years we were together with our love. If that's the case, I've got 6 years of grief to deal with and I know others have many more years to make it through. I don't think you ever get over it, I feel like those numbers are in reference to getting through to the "other side" of grief where life is manageable and bearable.

Your new puppy dog should be great company and hopefully, give you some comfort.

I'm so sorry for you loss. Remember to take the time you need to deal with your loss, Go only at your own pace. Take one step at a time and one breath at a time. We are here when you need us.

Permalink Reply by Nell R. Hood on September 11, 2010 at 12:46pm

Hi Randolph,

Thanks for your encouraging words. I look forward to each new day now but it has taken a long time to get here. At first, my heart felt like raw hamurger, dripping blood, and I felt my life was over. You know how they say in prison "dead man walking", well I was a dead woman still walking. I knew I had to be brave for my 3 children. We were both 57 at the time of Will.s death, and I felt so cheated out of our golden years of retirement together. Have you experienced any 0f this? Nell
Randolph L. Schrader said:

Hi to all, I cant help much but its been almost 17 months since LouAnn died suddenly. I am no better off as she was my pal and all I have is empty days and lonely nights. Grieving is still there. This site will help you share the things you are going thru. There is no set way of doing or not doing things. You still need to grieve, cry and be sad. Only you will know what to do.And only we know how to understand. So vent here when you just need to "let it out". Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Nell R. Hood on September 11, 2010 at 1:15pm

Hi Betsy,

I'M SO GLAD YOU ARE ON THIS SITE WHERE EACH OF US UNDERSTAND WHAT THE OTHER IS GOING THROUGH. I CAN TRULY IDENTIFY WITH THAT HOLE IN YOUR HEART. IT IS LIKE RAW HAMBURGER AND THE HURT JUST WON"T GO AWAY. I FIRST HAD TO HAVE A FIGHT WITH GOD FOR TAKING MY WILL AWAY JUST WHEN WE WERE APPROACHING RETIREMENT AGE. THEN I FELT BETTER AND BACK IN TOUCH WITH GOD SO HE COULD BEGIN TO HELP ME HEAL. ONE THING I DID (SORTA CHILDISH) WAS TO CUT PICTURES OUT OF MAGAZINES THAT REMINDED ME OF WILL OR ALL THE THINGS WE SHARED AS A YOUNG COUPLE, PARENTS OF TEENAGERS, VACATIONS, JUST ALL OF IT. THIS IS ONE LITTLE THING THAT HELPED. YOU DO HAVE A LONG ROAD TO GO DOWN, I WON'T SUGAR COAT IT, BUT JUST KEEP PUTTING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER AND GET ON DOWN THE ROAD. wITH LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING, NELL.

betsy toombs said:

I am fairly new at this. My husband of 32 yrs passed away last week. I just don't know what to do with myself.
We did everything together. I work 2 part time jobs and the toughest part for me is coming home to an empty house where things look the same.
My heart hurts like there is a hole in it.
I adopted a dog today thinking it might be some companionship. I don't know if that was the right thing.
I have 2 children that try to help, but they have their own lives.
I hope i am not going on too much.
I can use any advice at this point.

Permalink Reply by Nell R. Hood on September 11, 2010 at 1:26pm

Hi Cindy,

Thanks for all your kind words. When Will died, I was 56 and now am 63 and I go through the same deaf ears of those women who have never loved and lost as you have. I hope that someday I'll have the honor of sharing my understanding, love and concern when their husbands pass away. Thanks for writing and I hope things get easier for us all. Love, Nell

t

CINDY POWELL said:

DEAR NELL, I DONT KNOW YOUR AGE BUT EVEN AT 55, WOMEN MY AGE DONT HAVE A CLUE WHAT IT IS LIKE TO LOOSE A HUSBAND. I HAVE EVEN NOTICED THAT THE GRIEF GROUPS I HAVE BEEN TOO, EXCEPT ONE, I AM BY FAR THE YOUNGEST ONE THEIR.THAT REALLY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE , THIS SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED TO ME. I DO KNOW ON THIS SITE I HAVE SEEN SOME THAT ARE YOUNGER THAN ME. ANYWAY BACK TO YOUR QUESTION, I WISH I HAD THE ANSWER. YESTERDAY I WAS TALKING WITH A PASTOR FROM A CHURCH AND HE TOLD ME THAT GRIEF JUST TAKES TIME. WHAT KIM SAID IS TRUE WE ALL GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY. I AM STILL A REAL BASKETCASE AND MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY IN FEB. 2010. I KNOW OF OTHERS THAT SEEM TO BE DOING PRETTY WELL. SO I THINK IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO THE DIFFERENCE IN PEOPLE. HOPE THAT HELPS YOU SOME.