How long does grief last.

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Permalink Reply by Sue on September 14, 2010 at 5:45pm

It has been 19 1/2 months since I lost my husband of 32 years,I was 54 at the time.All I can say is time helps but I have not healed.There are still many days I just cry.I must say coming home from work to an empty house is one of the worst feelings. Stay close to your family & friends & remember they to are grieving.

CINDY POWELL said:

DEAR NELL, I DONT KNOW YOUR AGE BUT EVEN AT 55, WOMEN MY AGE DONT HAVE A CLUE WHAT IT IS LIKE TO LOOSE A HUSBAND. I HAVE EVEN NOTICED THAT THE GRIEF GROUPS I HAVE BEEN TOO, EXCEPT ONE, I AM BY FAR THE YOUNGEST ONE THEIR.THAT REALLY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE , THIS SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED TO ME. I DO KNOW ON THIS SITE I HAVE SEEN SOME THAT ARE YOUNGER THAN ME. ANYWAY BACK TO YOUR QUESTION, I WISH I HAD THE ANSWER. YESTERDAY I WAS TALKING WITH A PASTOR FROM A CHURCH AND HE TOLD ME THAT GRIEF JUST TAKES TIME. WHAT KIM SAID IS TRUE WE ALL GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY. I AM STILL A REAL BASKETCASE AND MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY IN FEB. 2010. I KNOW OF OTHERS THAT SEEM TO BE DOING PRETTY WELL. SO I THINK IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO THE DIFFERENCE IN PEOPLE. HOPE THAT HELPS YOU SOME.

Permalink Reply by marlene westerlund on September 15, 2010 at 8:44am

Betsy
My husband passed away August 31, 2010 after 18 years together/we were best friends and also did everything together and he could repair anything from cars to house repairs/I'm going back to work in another 2 weeks*hopefully it will keep me distracted. You mentioned it left a hole in your heart, at my husband's memorial we hired a man to sing "there is a hole in my heart" and it is in the shape of you/my heart goes out to you as as I have no advise but to let you know you are not alone.

betsy toombs said:

I am fairly new at this. My husband of 32 yrs passed away last week. I just don't know what to do with myself.
We did everything together. I work 2 part time jobs and the toughest part for me is coming home to an empty house where things look the same.
My heart hurts like there is a hole in it.
I adopted a dog today thinking it might be some companionship. I don't know if that was the right thing.
I have 2 children that try to help, but they have their own lives.
I hope i am not going on too much.
I can use any advice at this point.

Permalink Reply by Dixie Olson on September 15, 2010 at 9:05am

Grief for a loved one never ends, it can be 5 yrs since you've thouhgt of your loved one, and some song, a movie or a group of friends can come around and it will crash down around you and it;s ok I dont ever want to forget that loved one in my life, just in soft times, times that warm my heart

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on September 15, 2010 at 12:29pm

I received a booklet from the victim's advocate when Ernie died.It had this in it.I would like to share this with all of the newcomers."In all things gratitude.It is difficult at times to find a reason to be grateful,and this is one of those times.But this grief is also a gift that reminds us of our own capacity to love and be loved.Grief is borne of the loss of human relationship;the deeper we have loved,the deeper the grief.None of us would ever relinquish the privilege of having loved,the gift of having held,cherished,and cared for the other.So with hearts filled with pain,and eyes filled with tears,we nonetheless give thanks for the increible gift of love that will be ours the rest of our days." I hate to repeat but I think this is worth repeating.

Permalink Reply by Linda O'Connor on September 15, 2010 at 2:23pm

Kathleen, I love what that says. I had to copy & print it. I have an envelope on end table in LR that I have several things like that; including words to Garth Brooks song The Dance. You should all listen to that one, you'll love it.

kathleen caylor said:

I received a booklet from the victim's advocate when Ernie died.It had this in it.I would like to share this with all of the newcomers."In all things gratitude.It is difficult at times to find a reason to be grateful,and this is one of those times.But this grief is also a gift that reminds us of our own capacity to love and be loved.Grief is borne of the loss of human relationship;the deeper we have loved,the deeper the grief.None of us would ever relinquish the privilege of having loved,the gift of having held,cherished,and cared for the other.So with hearts filled with pain,and eyes filled with tears,we nonetheless give thanks for the increible gift of love that will be ours the rest of our days." I hate to repeat but I think this is worth repeating.

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on September 15, 2010 at 5:35pm

Linda O.,I know that song well.I finally can listen to it again.Thanks,Kathy

Permalink Reply by Nancy Satterthwaite on September 15, 2010 at 8:17pm

Kathleen,

This was beautiful, thank you for sharing. It puts everything into perspective doesn't?
Nancy

kathleen caylor said:

I received a booklet from the victim's advocate when Ernie died.It had this in it.I would like to share this with all of the newcomers."In all things gratitude.It is difficult at times to find a reason to be grateful,and this is one of those times.But this grief is also a gift that reminds us of our own capacity to love and be loved.Grief is borne of the loss of human relationship;the deeper we have loved,the deeper the grief.None of us would ever relinquish the privilege of having loved,the gift of having held,cherished,and cared for the other.So with hearts filled with pain,and eyes filled with tears,we nonetheless give thanks for the increible gift of love that will be ours the rest of our days." I hate to repeat but I think this is worth repeating.

Permalink Reply by Nancy Satterthwaite on September 15, 2010 at 8:22pm

Tracie,

I can relate to what you have said. I found myself not wanting to get out of bed in the beginning too. Doing some of the things you mentioned above has helped me get through this better. Thank you for expressing it so well.

Nancy

Tracie said:

I often think about the blurr of the 1st few weeks after my husband died.I basically laid in bed wearing his sweater not even giving a thought about eating or going out.My only support system, my sister, had to go back home to another state.Here I was- totally alone.I knew after awhile that if I didn`t force myself to get up,I never would.It started with small things-laying my clothes out so after I showered,they`d be ready for me to get into,making myself a really nice meal and trying to enjoy it, going to places that John and I enjoyed but am now going alone.I will tell you it wasn`t easy.Everything is a memory but I knew in my heart that the worst thing I could do to my husbands memory was to NOT carry on and be courageous.He wanted so bad to live and how could I just let myself wither away knowing that? So I chose to live. I started making a effort to eat well, get enough rest and really reflect on the trauma that has been inflicted on me.I started taking some classes at the local college ( and believe me- I have turned into the post it note queen- can`t remember anything without one!)so for me the mental challenge is helpful too.I guess what I`m trying to offer is just try ONE thing today- something that is difficult for you- because next time it won`t be so bad. Prayers and thoughts to all:)

Permalink Reply by Nancy Satterthwaite on September 15, 2010 at 8:24pm

Bless you too Carolyn, and may God be with you during your struggle with cancer.

Nancy

carolyn hammett said:

I found this site while working on my new business Grievingwristband.com and think you are a wonderful resource I wish I had had 2 1/2 years ago when my partner of 20 years passed away suddenly. The truth is that as folks are saying we all grieve differently. Support is the great healer of sorts. Just a few months before her death I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and her support was so important to me. My family and hers stepped up and somehow I've made it thru until now. My oncologist gave me a prescription for a therapy dog and I was given this tiny gem of a chiahuahua. With her licensed she can go everywhere with me. I belong to a stage 4 cancer support group for women and my darling BJ goes every Wed. with me and goes from lap to lap licking tears and giving great kisses. She is so good there and never barks at all. At home she is quite vocal with my two cats and Barb's dog.

How wise to have gotten a pup to love and I'm sorry I can't recall the name of this person. I seem to still have "chemo brain" so please forgive me. You all sound terrific and I'm so very happy to have run into this group. Bless you all. Carolyn

Permalink Reply by carolyn hammett on September 15, 2010 at 8:49pm

Thank you Nancy, I'm so loving this forum. Such good advice you are all speaking from your hearts. I still find myself going thru the full range of emotions from anger at this new direction I must take to giving thanks for having had such a supportive partner in my life. And yes, some days I just don't even want to get out of bed so I don't.

Blessings to you all.

Carolyn

Nancy Satterthwaite said:

Bless you too Carolyn, and may God be with you during your struggle with cancer.

Nancy

carolyn hammett said:
I found this site while working on my new business Grievingwristband.com and think you are a wonderful resource I wish I had had 2 1/2 years ago when my partner of 20 years passed away suddenly. The truth is that as folks are saying we all grieve differently. Support is the great healer of sorts. Just a few months before her death I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and her support was so important to me. My family and hers stepped up and somehow I've made it thru until now. My oncologist gave me a prescription for a therapy dog and I was given this tiny gem of a chiahuahua. With her licensed she can go everywhere with me. I belong to a stage 4 cancer support group for women and my darling BJ goes every Wed. with me and goes from lap to lap licking tears and giving great kisses. She is so good there and never barks at all. At home she is quite vocal with my two cats and Barb's dog.

How wise to have gotten a pup to love and I'm sorry I can't recall the name of this person. I seem to still have "chemo brain" so please forgive me. You all sound terrific and I'm so very happy to have run into this group. Bless you all. Carolyn