Hi everyone, I thought I was starting to be more positive after 14 months but the past few days have been "meltdown" days again. After reading more about the grieving "process" I've found out that I'm in what they cal the 12-18 month grief step. How many more steps do we need to go through? I'm trying so hard and with the help and support of all of you, I thought I was doing better, but now I've been hit again in the stomach of the reality of this life I have to lead. My job helps me but I always come home to the place we always were together and it hurts not to have Brad here. I don't think this will ever end. I know "they" say it never goes away but it gets easier to handle, right now its not that easy to handle. Then I go into the stores and see Christmas all over. I don't want the holidays to come, I don't want to go through another Christmas season without Brad here to enjoy it with me.
I guess I just needed to get this out, how many more steps do we have to go through to feel somewhat normal again?? Thanks for listening everyone and I hope you all are doing okay.
I'm sorry to find out there are so many steps, it's only been 9 weeks for me and I feel like I have walked up a mountain and back. I dread being happy now because I know it won't last long, for me Halloween is going to be bad, my Joe loved this holiday he was such a prankster and loved all the fantasy of Halloween in our house costumes where not an option. I read all of your posts and I know that there are good days I have them sometimes but then I think about what he would have done and I am right back at the beginning. Thanks for letting me go on about this I have to admit I am afraid of what the season ahead of me will bring.
I have read each of you comments and they all seem to apply to me at different times. I too feel guilty when I am happy or enjoying something. I had been having a good couple of days this week and last night when I went to bed all of a sudden i just started crying. It has been 9 weeks but at that moment it felt as if it was just yesterday. I also found two good books on Amazon.com/Finding your way after your spouse dies by Marta Felber and Healing a Spouses grieving heart by Alan Wolfelt. Both have provided me with some comfort and helped me understand a little better why I feel the way I do. I do want to make my husband proud of me so I am going to continue to move forward, even when I have set backs. I hope someday we can each find our own new "normal". Until then I think we just each have to look to God, our families and each other for the strength we need to face each new day. Hugs to all.