Hi everyone, I thought I was starting to be more positive after 14 months but the past few days have been "meltdown" days again. After reading more about the grieving "process" I've found out that I'm in what they cal the 12-18 month grief step. How many more steps do we need to go through? I'm trying so hard and with the help and support of all of you, I thought I was doing better, but now I've been hit again in the stomach of the reality of this life I have to lead. My job helps me but I always come home to the place we always were together and it hurts not to have Brad here. I don't think this will ever end. I know "they" say it never goes away but it gets easier to handle, right now its not that easy to handle. Then I go into the stores and see Christmas all over. I don't want the holidays to come, I don't want to go through another Christmas season without Brad here to enjoy it with me.
I guess I just needed to get this out, how many more steps do we have to go through to feel somewhat normal again?? Thanks for listening everyone and I hope you all are doing okay.
Margarita, its been 18 months for me. Yes, we will have ups and down days. We are all here for each other. I have LouAnns ashes in a box on the computer and it doesnt bother me or anyone else. I am saving up money to spread her ashes in Colorado where we lived for ten years.Wont happen for a while but that was her wish.Hugs to you and to everyone. Hugs are good.
i lost my husband gerald 2 weeks ago.i dont hoildays come either i wont enjoy the hoildays because he loved buying gifts
I remember being where you are. I remember feeling like I was on a roller coast...ok, I really still am on the rollercoaster, but we all know how that is. I had a really hard time around the 9th month, and I never knew whether to blame it on the holidays because Christmas was 9 1/2 mos. or if it was what I had read, that the 9 month is statistically reported as the most difficult month in the first year. I guess because reality has really set in by then. I had a really hard time for a good six months. I went from Christmas in December, Tom's birthday in January, Valentine's Day in February (which normally we never made a huge deal of just little gifts and dinner out, but the Valentine's Day before his accident we actually took a trip and went away for Vday. It was the first time ever and the best Vday ever for us..just a perfect weekend) anyway my first Vday alone I really wanted to go back to the cottage we stayed at by myself, but I chickened out, then March was his one year anniversary of being gone, my oldest daughter broke her ankle and my granddaughter Lilyanna Tommi was born in April and it still took me until my 15th or 16th month at this life to begin to feel like I wasn't crumbling anymore. My poor kids; I probably wasn't there for them as much as I should have been during that time...I was just so lost. I was excited that Lilyanna was here, but at the same time I felt somewhat detached and it took me a while to feel what I should have felt for her...I loved her and was excited to have her here, but I dont' know, it's really hard to explain. I guess maybe that was the first time I felt like I was in a depression, I've never used that word with myself before. I'm not sure how I got out of my slump, but eventually things became clearer to me and I was able to break free of the heaviness that was weighing me down. Don't get me wrong my days are never perfect; I never expect them to be again, but they are manageable and I do the things that need to be done.
I am begining to believe that the steps are constantly moving and shifting...there is no magic order and they keep changing the rules on us. We go along and just never know when one of those steps are going to trip us up.
You really do have a great outlook on life and thankfully, you now have your new job to distract you. I don't believe this life gets easier but more bearable and manageable. I hope things are going better for you this week. If only we could get this rollercoast to stop so we could get off...
I am sure Brad is shining down on you and so very proud of all you've done to keep moving forward.
We're all here for those meltdown days.
Hugs and comfort to you.
It has been 22 months since I lost my husband. He passed away, suddenly, the night before Christmas Eve.
Last year was really hard. I didn't want to see a christmas decoration, tree or anything. But I have 2 young children and have decided that I have to go forward. I am creating new tranditions and remember the old ones fondly. I always feel a little sad at Christmas anyway. I keep thinking why Christmas time, but then I guess no time is a good time. It does get better, but there are days that I still can't believe that this is my life. But the reality is starting to sink in. One Day at A Time is a cliche but so true. You can't skip any of the stages of grief either. You will keep going back till you get it. A wonderful book is Tear Soup, a recipe for Loss. It was helpful and definitely, crying and talking. You just somehow learn to live with it.