Hi my name is Joanne and I am here because I lost my fiance 6 1/2 weeks ago. He was only 44 years old. He died at work right after I talked to him. This has been so hard because we had so many plans and now we will never be able to do them. We had only been together for about 4 1/2 years but it seems like he has been in my life so much longer. I couldn't believe when his son called me and said he had some really bad new! I was almost home when I got the call. They told us he was found in the bathroom and there was nothing they can do. I am having such a hard time because I talked to him at 12:33 and they didn't find him until 1:35!! I can't believe he laid there for an hour before they found him I just keep thinking - If they found him sooner maybe he would have had a chance to live! How do you learn to move on? I miss him soo much! I look at his pictures all day I need to see him. I watch the videos just to hear his voice. He proposed on Christmas Eve 2009. I was upset because all my kids were there and he let them video tape it. I don't like to be center of attention so I didn't want it to be taped! Now I am so glad I have that to watch!
I go to work and go thru my day but it has no meaning anymore. I have nothing to look forward to and everyday seems just like yesterday. We were so happy together! I was looking forward to being his wife which I told him in the beginning of our relationship that I didn't think I would ever get married again. Well he changed my mind!! I was so completly in love with him.
Now I have to learn to move forward without him. I have 4 kids myself. My youngest is only 7 years old. She won't go in my bedroom by herself anymore because I have pictures of Bob in there. She said it upsets her and she doesn't like to go in there by herself. I need to see his pictures but do I take them down for my daughter? She was pretty close to Bob because she didn't see her dad very much. It is so hard because I try not to get upset in front on my kids. They tell me it will get better and they are here for me but it just doesn't seem like it is getting better. I miss him so much! Many nights I cry myself to sleep, I find I am able to talk to Bob's kids & his family better than my own kids. That makes me feel guilty but I can get upset and cry with his family without them making me feel I should just stop being upset. I know I need to go on because of my kids. But some days are so hard!
Hi Thanks for all your support. I am glad I came to this site. Just reading what others write makes me feel not so alone. Today was a down day. It was cloudy and raining and I felt so alone. I just miss my honey so much! I went to my mom's yesterday and I saw my two sisters also. We had a good day. When I am around my family I can smile and even laugh sometimes but then it hits me when I come home! I was very lonely today and there is so much cleaning I need to do but I did nothing. I can't even go visit his grave because his parents took him home to West Virginia with them. It does help for me to talk to him but I still ask why him? I know I will never get any answers but I get angry sometimes. We weren't together nearly as long as some of you others had but I loved him with all my heart. He was my soul mate and never expected to be going thru this , not at my age of 47! My kids don't understand and I am glad I came here because I would post stuff on Facebook and they would get upset. But the love you have for your kids is different than you have for your significant other! I love my kids very much but it is just not the same without my honey here with me. I will keep coming back here to read what you all write and see how others are coping.
Take care everyone and try and have a good nights sleep.
Thank you. and I also talk to Bob everyday. Mostly when I am in bed and looking at his picture and even when I turn the lights out I ask him to come lay with me and hold me. It is so hard not having him here with me. We planned to grow old together. One day I was at ShopRite in the parking lot and I saw an elderly couple loading groceries into their car and I started crying because Bob should've been here with me and that would have been us when we were older. He liked to go food shopping with me. Sometimes it is the little things like that get to me.