Opened the picture for you Julie to share in Memory of Allan. HUGS. Ellen~
Ellen, thank you for the Allan hugs, opening Allan's picture and for your words of support. I think back of where I was 10 weeks after losing Allan, and I remember how painful life was that soon after he was gone. Now that I think about it, I realize my crying jags don't last as long nor are they as gut wrenching. I guess I have done some healing, but I'm no where near the place I thought I'd be by now. I'm sorry for where you are right now and the time you have ahead of you in the healing process. I wish I could take your pain away and that of all the wonderful ladies who have responded to my posting. I thought I was making progress, but I think the season has set me back a bit so I'm hoping that after the first of the year, I can get back on track to healing my lonely soul. I loved your pictures and anniversary card on your page. Doug was certainly a handsome man. About 10 years ago I started saving the cards Allan gave me for my birthday, Christmas, Mothers Day, Easter, our anniversary and he always wrote a paragraph expressing his love. I went through them all a couple of weeks ago and they reminded me how lucky I was to have been loved so deeply and profound. Allan's beloved uncle had told me at the funeral that he wanted me to eventually find another love, and I told him that Allan was one of a kind and there will never be anyone who will every love me as he did. I pray that you find strength, peace and that you never lose hope that you can eventually have a happy life until you are reunited with your beloved.
Christy, Hospice has sent me several letters to remind me that grief counseling is available, but I have been reluctant to go, but since you seemed to have benefited and it has provided some comfort to you, I may give it some more thought. I'm sorry that your husband's family is such a burden to you. It's the last thing you need to have to endure right now. Allan's oldest daughter and 2 sisters never liked me when we were married because of his ex-wife, but they actually came around after Allan was diagnosed. I hear from them regularly and even had dinner with his oldest sister last Saturday. I guess I've been lucky in that respect. Although, I thought I'd have the same problem you're having because after hearing that Allan was terminal they all told me what they wanted of the things that belonged to US. After hearing of their "wish list" Allan set them straight and told them that everything we had belonged to me and that they would get nothing unless I wanted them to have it. They finally shut up! I too have watched couples holding hands and have become envious that they still have each other. Sometimes I want to walk over to them and tell them to cherish one another because they never know how much time they will get and what the future holds. I watch them looking happy and in love as hot tears stream down my face. I'm so sorry you never got the chance to marry your wonderful man. I hate that life has regrets and that there are things we can't go back and change. Obviously life can be very short, so don't take and $&!+ from his family. You don't need toxic people in your life right now so I hope you can cut them out for your peace of mind and sanity. I pray that you find peace, strength and comfort and healing in the time to come.