I lost my love

I have no idea to what even say on here. I lost my love on 9/5. He went so fast. Even with being diagnosed with lung cancer over 16 months ago, he was fighting so hard to be one of the few in the percentage who survived. He so wanted to make it to 2 years. He had a son he wanted to start on a path before he had to leave us.

I found him late in life, when I was 41 and we were together until now and I'm 54. He is the only man I ever loved....had planned on us growing old together and waited until the day I could retire. Dale was 51 when he died. So young and he had so many things he wanted to do.

I feel so lost...so alone. I can't imagine living 20+ years without him.

I can't go places we went together because all I can think about is when we went there together.

I have to have the tv on constantly because I hate the quiet.

I'm currently on leave of absence from work, which I wish I had taken earlier, and he died 3 days later. I don't know whether it would be better to go back to work or not to keep my occupied.

I see no joy ahead....nothing to look forward to....it is just so quiet around here without him. It sucks being the one left behind.

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Permalink Reply by Crimson B. on October 10, 2011 at 10:40am

I know exactly how you feel. I lost the love of my life to lung cancer as well, but he only lasted a mere 5 months.I too met him late in my life, at 41! We had been through a lot of ups and downs and were beginning to come around to one another again. Then, in a flash, he got diagnosed with small cell. I have had 11 long months without him but I will tell you that the pain begins to dim. Happiness does creep back in. And still, the loss is a large hole which cannot be filled. Time does help. I began a letter writing blog to him. If you would like to read it, and maybe start your own. Begin at the beginning the blog starts in 2010. ...it might help you. I hope it does. Grief is excruciating. But not living your life is not what the other would want for you, is it? This thought kept me going. I know that my love, Donathen would not want me to hide and that he would want me to do what I can to live. Even though living means it will be without him.My blog begins back in November of 2010, when I felt exactly as you do now. Be gentle with yourself. Do what you need to do for you. http://donathenmylove.blogspot.com/

Permalink Reply by Crimson B. on October 10, 2011 at 11:17am

Hi,

I just replied to you and then it got erased! I know exactly how you feel. I lost my love after 9 years, and i too met him late in my life at 41! He also died from Lung Cancer, only he survived a mere 5 months. Your love DID beat the odds! I thought that maybe you would want to read my blog. I started it so that I could write to my love , all of the feelings that I was experiencing without him. It begins in 2010. Maybe you can start your own love letter blog to your loved one. It helped me. It also helps me to know that I am not alone in my grief. That others who have lost their loves have felt or are feeling the same way. Be good to yourself, and feel whatever you can. It is frightening but if you go through it, however you need to, it will get better. That I promise. Lots of love to you, crimson http://donathenmylove.blogspot.com/

Permalink Reply by Judy Kaan on October 10, 2011 at 3:48pm

I also feel so lost - alone. I'm looking in my Justin's diary and he writes "She's beautiful in every way. Its only caue of Judy I'm still alive and on the road to recovery. And he is gone ---- why did God take him

away from me?

We met in January 2005, and married in Nov. 2006 - he died at the age of 51 - and we met when I was 51.

I am so sad, devastated. We had no children - northing = his family is distant towards me - only tells

me to be strong.

Friends I thought were my friends were not - I do have my parents and my sister which I'm glad for - but not one knows what to say to me.

They took away his pain, and now I have his pain. Don't know what to do.

I didn't get to say good bye. He was in the hospital for 65 days and was supposed to go to a rehab.

I'm on a personal leave too.

Judy

Permalink Reply by Judy Kaan on October 10, 2011 at 3:48pm

away from me?

We met in January 2005, and married in Nov. 2006 - he died at the age of 51 - and we met when I was 51.

I am so sad, devastated. We had no children - northing = his family is distant towards me - only tells

me to be strong.

Friends I thought were my friends were not - I do have my parents and my sister which I'm glad for - but not one knows what to say to me.

They took away his pain, and now I have his pain. Don't know what to do.

I didn't get to say good bye. He was in the hospital for 65 days and was supposed to go to a rehab.

I'm on a personal leave too.

Judy

Permalink Reply by heather on October 11, 2011 at 1:41pm

Your story sounds so much like mine I found Jim late in life too I was 46 and he was 42. I fell head over heals for him and we lived together for 6 yrs before we got married mostly because we both had been married before. He got sick in 2010 from liver disease he loved to drink and he knew he should've quit but that evil demon wouldn't let him go. Now I'm alone, scared, at times and everyday is the same. I miss his laughing, his jokes, and just being together I loved him so much and I still do. Take care Nancey know that you are not alone....