Carinda, I'm so sorry you had to join our group. This club no one ever wants to join.
I truly feel the first month or two we're basically just numb and then the reality starts to seep through the fog and our grief gets deeper. Most of us describe it is like a Roller Coaster ride where you go up a hill and start to feel better, just to come roaring down the other side and sometimes back into a black hole. Just to start all over again. I'll let others who have been on the ride longer explain their views, as it's just over 6 months for me.
I know what you mean, its been 7 weeks this friday since my husband passed and im struggling financially and just when i go for an interview thinking im stronger and i can cope i just break down. i never thought myself an overly emotional person and up untill my husband passed i could cope with anything even family passing in the last few years but when it comes to my beautiful husband i just cant controll it. ive gone from numb to sad angry and back again. i will never understand why my husband took his life i know this but the whys and what ifs still go through my head every minute of every day. my grief is definitly getting deeper as bruce described, its just some parts of the day i dont realise it untill i stop keeping busy and then it hits me again and again
Carinda, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing your spouse is very different from any other loss, except for a child. When you loose a friend or a member of your family that you don't live with, it's difficult. I don't want to diminish the feelings we have, but even though they are missed or leave a hole in our life, our daily life is still the same. When you loose your spouse, life as you know it falls apart. You have had part of your soul ripped out. Everything has changed. Crying is good. Salt heals wounds, tears will help heal the wound in your soul. Tears and hugs were the best thing for me. Dave died on 12/2/2010. I am in my second year, and the rollercoaster ride has smoothed out quite a bit. I did discover that anticipation of special days that first year was much worse than the actual day.
For my husband's first birthday, in February, I cooked his favorite meal, had his favorite drink before dinner and toasted him. I also cried a lot.
I have a book of daily readings ... Healing after Loss, and I read it daily for the first year. This second year, I read it daily for several months, and now I read it occasionally. In the beginning, everything made me cry. This year, I don't cry as often or as long. I love to tell people my Dave stories.
This site is the best place in the world. I live in a rural area, and grieving groups close by were difficult to attend. Here, I could come daily, whenever I wanted. I could read and write what i was feeling, and everybody here understood what I was saying. I realized I was not crazy. Nobody told me to get over it, to move on with my life. People who have not experienced this kind of loss do not understand it. I am happy for them that they don't understand, because I would not wish this pain on anybody. They feel uncomfortable, and say things that don't help. Here, there is much kindness and caring.
Hugs to you as you walk this lonely path with the rest of us. Hugs to you! Maggie
Dear Carlinda, I am sorry for your loss, I too lost my husband of 32 years just 4 weeks ago. I am going to tell you what I would do, your wedding anniversary is still going to be a very special day for you and I would think it would be a fitting memorial to think back on all the memories from all the good years together. I have to commend you for being able to continue working. That has to be good for you. I read that grief causes the physical pain to divert you from the emotional pain. This is a very good place to work though your grief, I think that it has really helped me. Grief is kind of like a splinter it will fester its way out. Son's are just great aren't they? My prayers will be with you.