Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jo on February 17, 2015 at 2:07pm

keeping busy can be a good thing,but you NEED to take time for yourself,to be sad,to feel the great loss.there is no time limit on grief and everyone feels it differently.Don't be afraid to ask for help in whatever way you may need it.people really don't know how to help,and in,general,they want to be asked,but have no clue as to what to say for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing
the important person in all this now is you,so do things that make you feel like getting up in the morning.
I lost my husband over 4 years ago,and life changes,you change,the hurt is still there,but less intense.Life comes into perspective,eventually.grief is not a fast process,but you will find a level that you can live with.
Take care of yourself,now,

Joanna

Permalink Reply by Trina Mamoon on February 17, 2015 at 2:36pm

Dear Steve,

I feel your anguish and pain. I, too, lost my beloved husband in August. He was 49 years old. Some days I think I am doing better, but other days I keep praying or my own death. We are undergoing one of the most difficult experiences a human being can face. Please hang in there. Keep busy and try to do something that will honor the memory of Mark.

The only solace I have is to do things that will honor Joseph's memory. I am organizing a fundraiser dinner for Joseph's birthday in March. The fundraiser will benefit the American Cancer Society. This project is keeping me busy and gives me purpose in life.

Sending you warm healing wishes,

Trina

Permalink Reply by janeo on February 17, 2015 at 10:25pm

Steve, I lost my husband and soul-mate 5 years. I can tell you this even though your not going to believe it now it does get better. Right now it's still new and raw. But the feelings your going to face now is normal and your not going crazy.  You came to a great support system here. You can say anything you want without worry or judgement, Everyone here are like family. We'll support you and help you and most important listen. Marsha, Jane.P, Carol and Jan are wise and give great advise as well as other on here, Keep posting and God Bless

Permalink Reply by Steve G. on February 18, 2015 at 9:49am

Today I am an emotional mess, which feels weird to say but at the sametime feels ok.
I took the day off due to my doctor's appointment and to be home today with myself and my sweat dog Bella.
I started crying yesterday at work and all the way to the doctor, I am remembering so many things at once, it is flooding me all the wonderful memories we shared. I cannot stop crying not do I want to. I stated writing this several hours ago. Oh my God it hurts so bad I wish I could make it stop, I want to hear his voice to see his face I want him to make me smile and laugh a again.

Permalink Reply by Jo on February 18, 2015 at 10:07am

Steve, You may nor believe this but what is happening,being an emotional mess,is a good thing.letting the hurt out will help you...keeping it in won't.cry,go outside and scream.You will have so many emotions for a while.Up and down days,but let it all happen because all these feelings will help you heal.Take all the time YOU need.....

Steve said:

Today I am an emotional mess, which feels weird to say but at the sametime feels ok.
I took the day off due to my doctor's appointment and to be home today with myself and my sweat dog Bella.
I started crying yesterday at work and all the way to the doctor, I am remembering so many things at once, it is flooding me all the wonderful memories we shared. I cannot stop crying not do I want to. I stated writing this several hours ago. Oh my God it hurts so bad I wish I could make it stop, I want to hear his voice to see his face I want him to make me smile and laugh a again.

Permalink Reply by Steve G. on February 18, 2015 at 10:42am

I know you are right, I experienced something similar when I lost my sister, this seems more intense. I did have a long talk withy doctor this morning, that helped because she was also Mark's doctor, so I didn't have to explain everything.
Right now I am ok , later on who knows, thank you all from the bottom of my heart, I was taught in Sunday school that God does not give us more than we can handle. I am holding on to that and believe it with all my heart and soul more now than ever!

Permalink Reply by Carol Kayser on March 5, 2015 at 8:55pm

This August will be five years since I lost my sweetheart, the love of my life.  My husband Jack used to say "Carol and I have been married forever" and I still feel that way.

I've been reading the new posts from new members and I am very sorry for each of your losses. The grief is overwhelming and life will never be the same moving forward.  That being said I believe that our loved ones are watching over us and loving us and that provides us strength to get through the grieving. You aren't alone and there is love and support here for each.

I am finding that in this 5th year I am more at peace now.  I think I have gone through all the valleys of darkness, poor decision making, guilt, anger and despair and now I am calm.  I am realizing that the love of those who surround us is what to focus on and that things, material things are just not important now.

My youngest daughter has a good friend whose father is dying.  He is young, in his 50's.  We have another good friend we lost and he was 60.  My husband was 57.  My daughter asked me "why mom is it that the spouses are left behind at such young ages"?  Death doesn't discriminate, it doesn't pick bad people over good people, rich over poor, young over old.  In fact we often ask why is it the good people, our loved ones, the people who love us, care for us, protect us that are taken from us.  I'm sure you've heard of God taking "only the good ones to care for his garden in heaven".   I think of this as the loved ones I've lost feeling no pain, smiling, and being surrounded by love and peace.  I know that's what my own husband described and I'm sure others have expressed that too.  Even if you don't believe in God down here on earth I think it brings great comfort to picture our loved ones being pain free.

I guess I'm feeling more mellow in my encroaching old age, LOL...getting close to being 65 and wishing that my hubby would be here to tease me about it, after all he was 2 years younger than me!

Thanks for letting me express my feelings here, hoping they aren't too rambling!

Hugs,

Carol

Permalink Reply by Trina Mamoon on March 6, 2015 at 12:05am

Dear Carol,

It's good to hear from people who started this terrible journey of loss and devastation before us, as they can bring some perspective to us, those us who started this journey more recently. I am glad to hear that you have reached a point in your life where you are more at peace. Your post sounds that way. I can tell how much you love/d your husband, but now you can talk about him and your life together without intense pain. That gives me hope and courage, that someday the rest of us too will arrive at that point of peace and acceptance where every thought of our spouse will not be like a stab to the heart. (BTW, my Joseph was younger than me too. :-))

I wish you well on your journey of transformation, and may you continue to heal and arrive at a point where your husband's memory will bring you only joy and happiness.

Best, Trina