Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Brenda Klatt on September 10, 2010 at 2:10am

I dont know your name or age, but I'm assuming you are a little younger than me. I am 44~it will be 3 years on December 17th that I lost my Bruce-He was 41 at the time. It does get better-I choose to look at the happy times~my husband was killed in a car accident-My daughter and I were devistated! I have gone through all the emotions-nobody understands if they have not been through the same-they want to understand, and try, its just simply not possible. If you would like to talk, please get ahold of me, I care.

Brenda
PS. I hurt like hell, but as only we know, life must go on...

Permalink Reply by Nancy Satterthwaite on September 10, 2010 at 12:33pm

Teri,

My heart goes out to you. I lost my husband in May after several years of health issues and 28 years of marriage. I am grieving too, but I have to say, what you have been through is horrendous. It is understandable that you are now just grieving. You had your husband's loss of life, your children's injuries, and your injuries too. You were too busy with keeping it all together, and doing the necessary legal and financial obligations to handle the grieving process too. Now that things have calm down a bit for you, it is no wonder why your are going through the hurt and pain now, verses a year ago when all this happened to you. I know the feelings you are going through now, the loneliness, the numbness, the fact that family and friends go on with their lives, and expect you to go on too. But the grieving process is different for everyone. And there is no time limit on when you will start feeling a little better, and ready to find joy again. Since I am older than you (62), my chances of finding true love are pretty slim. You on the other hand, have a long life ahead of you. You will find love again, I know you don't want to hear that right now, but you will. And it won't take away the love and memories you cherished with your husband. He will be always with you in your heart, and I believe they are looking down on us everyday and protecting us. I find comfort in believing my husband is with me. Celebrate his life by talking to him when you get those lonely moments, you may be surprised on how much better you feel.

Everyone on this site is hurting, some have more devastating stories than others, much like yours. However, what we all share is the same pain and hurt from losing the love of our life. And this site will help you vent your feelings, knowing that everyone here does care and understands.

Hugs to you Teri,
Nancy

Permalink Reply by Connie on September 10, 2010 at 1:21pm

Teri, I am so very sorry for your loss. What a horrible situation you must have been in! I hope that you and the children are well now. Teri, there is not much that can be said that will make you feel better but I lost my husband on 11/9/09. We were married for 46 years. The only thing that I can say to you is that it hurts just as much to lose the one you love whether your are married a short time or a long time. I feel that I just exist now. I really don't live. I get through day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute. He was my life. He had a massive heart attack at 44. He needed a defibrilator implanted several years later. It would activate very often. He had a heart transplant 10+ years ago. He had several problems over the past few years but I was not expecting or ready to lose him. My children are all grown but they are very good to me. I can just imagine how hard it must be with young children. I wish I could tell you that it will all be okay but I'm not sure it will ever be okay. May God Bless you and your children and I will remember you all in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by Connie on September 10, 2010 at 1:21pm

Teri, I am so very sorry for your loss. What a horrible situation you must have been in! I hope that you and the children are well now. Teri, there is not much that can be said that will make you feel better but I lost my husband on 11/9/09. We were married for 46 years. The only thing that I can say to you is that it hurts just as much to lose the one you love whether your are married a short time or a long time. I feel that I just exist now. I really don't live. I get through day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute. He was my life. He had a massive heart attack at 44. He needed a defibrilator implanted several years later. It would activate very often. He had a heart transplant 10+ years ago. He had several problems over the past few years but I was not expecting or ready to lose him. My children are all grown but they are very good to me. I can just imagine how hard it must be with young children. I wish I could tell you that it will all be okay but I'm not sure it will ever be okay. May God Bless you and your children and I will remember you all in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by bc on September 10, 2010 at 7:24pm

Teri, I am so sorry for your loss, you had so much to deal with no wonder its just now you are waking up to the life of grief. Its been 13 months and 5 days since Brad walked out the door and drove out of the driveway only to have sudden cardiac arrest and was gone. He felt so good that day, it was the only time in 15 years together that I didn't go with him, we went everywhere and did everything together. I miss him, I love him and part of me left that day also. I will never be the same but I try and have some positive days for him. He never wanted me to be sad. I've been told that I am in the "12-18 month depression stage", I don't know what comes next, all I know is I miss my best friend and someday we will be together again and will never have to say goodbye again. For now I have to be content having my "angel" watch over me. We are all here for you so please open up to us. We will survive together somehow. God Bless you and your family.

Permalink Reply by Nancy Satterthwaite on September 13, 2010 at 11:42pm

Hi Betsy,

So sorry for your loss also. You ask me how I do it. I am fortunate, because my husband and I sold our house before he went into the hospital. We made an offer on a Villa, but when he died unexpectedly, I just couldn't go through with the move to the Villa. My daughters were there for me, one of them has a big house, her husband travels, and she is alone a lot. She said, "Mom, this is a role reversal, this what you are going to do, you are going to move in with us, you can stay a year or a lifetime, but we don't want you to do anything for a year. I am happy here, I have no bills, the money from my house is in the bank, most of my stuff is in storage. I have had time to handle my grief without the financial problems that many of our friends on here have had to deal with. I try to keep busy, I clean and cook for my daugher, son-in-law and granddaughter when they are here, and yet I have my own sitting room and bedroom when I just want to be alone and have a private pity party. It is getting better, I don't cry every day any more. I was raised with a deep faith in God, and that has helped me get through this easier. I believe there is something much better than this life we live, and my husband is enjoying the rewards of his life sacrifices and deserves the joy he is having in heaven now with his Mom and Dad, sister and brother that died before him. Two weeks before he died he told me he missed his brother Clyde so much. His brother died at 32 of a massage heart attact, and had been gone for 40 years. I find it odd that he said that shortly before he died. I know his brother was one of the first to greet him at his time of death. I read a book years ago that helped me through many aspects of my life, it is called, The Guide to Confident Living. It was written by Norman Vincent Peale. There is a chapter on sorrow which helped me years ago when my brother died of cancer. I read the book again when my husband died, it was such great comfort to me. As much as I miss my husband, I cannot deny him the joy that he now has in heaven. And I know I will see him again someday, and we can be together for eternity. Life is just a speck of what eternity is, so all we can do is live our lives to the fullest with the time we have left, and know we will see our love ones again soon. I know he is with me, I know he knows I loved him very much, and if I could bring him back I would. But if heaven is what I have l believe it is, why would he want to come back. What works for me, may not work for you Betsy, but I know my kids and grandkids need me right now, so now I live for them. I pray you find moments of peace and joy.

Nancy

betsy toombs said:

Nancy
I am just 2 yrs older than you. My husband passed away last week.
We were married for 32 yrs and did everything together. He had coronary artery disease among other things but it all came to a head within a few days. He was doing well and going places.
I just don't know what to do with myself. You talk about the numbness. I feel like i am in a fog and there is a huge hole where my heart is.
How do you manage? The hardest part for me is coming home after work to an empty house. I adopted a dog today and don't know if that was the right thing.
Everyone is sympathetic but they go on with their lives and say it will get better.
It just doesn't help. I go in his room and yell and scream(when he was in the hosp he was fine and the kids and i said we will see you tomorrow. Only there was no tomorrow)

Nancy Satterthwaite said:

Teri,

My heart goes out to you. I lost my husband in May after several years of health issues and 28 years of marriage. I am grieving too, but I have to say, what you have been through is horrendous. It is understandable that you are now just grieving. You had your husband's loss of life, your children's injuries, and your injuries too. You were too busy with keeping it all together, and doing the necessary legal and financial obligations to handle the grieving process too. Now that things have calm down a bit for you, it is no wonder why your are going through the hurt and pain now, verses a year ago when all this happened to you. I know the feelings you are going through now, the loneliness, the numbness, the fact that family and friends go on with their lives, and expect you to go on too. But the grieving process is different for everyone. And there is no time limit on when you will start feeling a little better, and ready to find joy again. Since I am older than you (62), my chances of finding true love are pretty slim. You on the other hand, have a long life ahead of you. You will find love again, I know you don't want to hear that right now, but you will. And it won't take away the love and memories you cherished with your husband. He will be always with you in your heart, and I believe they are looking down on us everyday and protecting us. I find comfort in believing my husband is with me. Celebrate his life by talking to him when you get those lonely moments, you may be surprised on how much better you feel.

Everyone on this site is hurting, some have more devastating stories than others, much like yours. However, what we all share is the same pain and hurt from losing the love of our life. And this site will help you vent your feelings, knowing that everyone here does care and understands.

Hugs to you Teri,
Nancy

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on September 14, 2010 at 7:02am

Gosh,When I read your post,I realized how lucky I've been.You have a full plate.You probably are having a delayed reaction.And are just now starting the grieving process.I am truly sorry for your loss.Don't try to be "Strong"(I hate that word).And share with family and friends.And of course us.

Permalink Reply by Basia on September 14, 2010 at 8:46am

I am 40 with 4 great kids. I get up in the morning and get them off to school and then everything stops and I just want to die. I doesn't get easier. Every day is a long hard struggle.

Permalink Reply by Nancy Satterthwaite on September 14, 2010 at 9:47am

Basia,

I can not imagine going through the grief that we have from losing a spouse and have four children too. I don't know if I could do it. My heart goes out to you.

Nancy