I wish LouAnn was still here.I wish that my pal and confidant was here. I wish that I could have the meals that only she could make and that I will never eat again.I wish for her way of knowing the mood I was in and the way she could tell if my back was really hurting.I wish for the caring and understanding that always was there and is now gone.I wish for the friends and family who disappeared when she died suddenly.I wish that I could smile and laugh and have some contentment.I wish to have some enjoyment once again. I wish that I could be the man and human being I once was.I wish that all of the deaths that have happened to me in the last 17 months didnt happen.I wish that I could "strut my stuff",be happy, show off and be myself.I wish that I could find a reason,a purpose and a meaning now in life.I wish that peolple would give "two hoots" about me and what its like now to be alone and empty.I wish that there was that touching and holding and talking and that some one who had the same thought that you had at the same time.I miss going anywhere without company riding along with me.I miss these and many more that there are.I wish I could be more positive.I wish my heart,soul and sprit was back and intact. Guess I am feeling down.
I wish I could hold each and everyone of you and tell you "its okay.its ok". I thank so much for this site. I thank you all for being here to share all of our problems. Our ups and downs. Our good and bad things. Just to listen and not judgemental and critisize
Nancy, thank you for your kind message I am not offended from any of this. That Serenity Prayer is the things I ask God for nightly.I am sorry that your enviorment has changed,house,ect..Yes, I have her clothes where she put them. Her singing voice on CD. I have all the reminders of her everywhere I look and everything that I touch.I have her perfume bottles with her smell. I have all these things and same house,ect. or differant house and surroundings, the bottom line is I dont have her.Alone is alone. I cant "strut my thing",show off, enjoy.Only emptiness exists now. Only on this site can we relate and understand. Yes, I am having a "down" day.It makes me sad to post like this too. But I am only expressing my emotions and sharing to the people who have their doubts about what to say.Hugs to you.Hugs are good.
Thank you Barb,Mary and Connie and to everyone. Connie, I am sorry its time for you to have those "special times" coming up to have to relive.The pain just never stops and I know how devistated we have become.Those special times,good and bad, continue the grief that we carry.They say its part of the healing process.I dont know about that but I do know this.God has to awfully proud of us for enduring our loss,pain and suffering.We are showing him just how we loved and lived and how much we cared for our spouses. But the after effects we must live thru are unbearable.Remember, through us our spouse will always be there and be remembered.We all know the love we have and shall always have.We must carry it on alone and that is unknown. How is it possible ? Thank you Steve Cain for this site that we can come to and share with each other. I think a big group hug is in order. Group hug for all. Hugs are good.
Suzanne,Barb,Marlena, thank you for your support. I hope that I can be of help to some of the people on this site. But you know how it can be for us as the days go by. I do know of all the positive and good that I have had and can see. My God, I had my wife for 44 years.It was always "me and you kid". Wow,bless her heart.She helped over 75 people being an organ donar. We should all be proud of our spouses and like I said, through us they will always be here and they will live on. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.
I wish I knew what to say to you. The pain for us all is the same but we are all on our individual paths. I pray for you daily and hope you find your way. I believe LouAnn is with you, and while it is painful, and difficult and we hurt, we need to heal, and in my opinion, each and every one of us has to find our own way to healing, and in order to do that we need to be open (and this includes me) open to ask whoever will listen to us how to do it, open to be willing to be willing to heal. I feel your sadness for I am sad too, I really know how you feel. But you need to heal. Dare I say we can't go backwards, only forward. It really is so hard, I know it is. I understand. But you and I and all of us need to heal from the wounds in our hearts.