Okay, I know I'm still new at this grief thing (my Charlie died 37 days ago). When I don't feel excruciating pain and sorrow, I feel dead inside. I seem to be hearing the same thing from some of the rest of you who have been at this for two years or more. I am 66. I could live another 20 years. If I have to feel dead inside for all those years, I absolutely do not want to live. God created marriage and I think he meant it to be forever. I can remember when I was 20 and newly married I kept saying that I wanted to die at the same time as Charlie or at least go before him. Now here I am stuck alone. There is nothing I do that doesn't remind me of him or make me wonder if he would like what I'm doing. It does not seem worth doing anything if it is alone. I am seriously trying to figure out how to be with him. This not a cry for help, just a question of why we have to go on.

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I still make my husbands coffee all the time without even realising im doing it, when my father in law came over for coffee and i handed him his and then sat mine and peters down. i realised what i had done but his dad was great about it he just said "Peter dont be rude beth made you coffee drink it".lol i couldnt stop laughing. I also still set a plate a dinner time

Jane Favara said:

I thought this was funny maybe you all will find it funny as well.. I still can't get this coffee right I'm still making extra . LOL I think I'll just go 7- 11.



I know what you mean. My niece and her husband were here for lunch and I got out four plates. Most everything here is where it was when Charlie had his accident and we left for the hospital. His work clothes are draped over a chair in the garage and there is a pair of pliers laying on the floor where he dropped them. I can't stand to move anything - don't know how I'll ever go through his closet.


Julie L


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