I'm New

Hi...I just found out about this group. I wish I knew about it before now. It's been 13 1/2 months since my husband died. Going from a person who knew what they were doing to being all over the place is crazy.

I have been reading the discussions and it is like reading about myself. Before this I was grounded...not anymore.

I feel comfort knowing I'm not the only one who feels like I do...

R

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Permalink Reply by sharon cox on November 13, 2010 at 6:11am

Welcome to the group. I'm new too, my husband died 8 months ago. I wish I had found this site sooner myself. Be gentle with yourself, it's normal to feel out of control. We are all here for you.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on November 13, 2010 at 6:57am

Hi Rita, this is a great group. It has been 3 wks since I lost my husband, and this group has been my lifeline. The people on this site are very understanding. Take care.

Permalink Reply by Sharon Ankrum on November 13, 2010 at 3:40pm

I'm new, as well. My husband died 8 weeks ago thursday. I'm so relieved to see my actions and feelings are "normal." This is way beyond anything that ever hurt or confused or isolated and saddened me. I very much want to be part of this group.

Permalink Reply by Charlene Ozawa on November 13, 2010 at 3:48pm

Welcome Rita. Just found the group about 2 1/2 weeks ago. My husband died almost 5 months ago (6/19). I wish I had know about this group before. I thought I was loosing my mind. Going to work and acting normal and crying all the way home in the car. I hear my feelings being expressed over and over by different people. Remember we are all here with you. Hugs...

Permalink Reply by Charlene Ozawa on November 13, 2010 at 3:48pm

Permalink Reply by Sharon Ankrum on November 13, 2010 at 4:21pm

I feel exactly the same way. Discovered the group a few days ago, and I feel so relieved to find others to share feelings I know they will understand and relate to. My husband died September 9 of this year, so it hasn't been long. I am still in a fog of sorts. Want to connect to all of you.

Permalink Reply by Marianne on November 13, 2010 at 7:38pm

Rita, I'm new as well; it's been 4 months today since I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack. There is nothing like talking to people who know how I feel. This is not a club I ever thought I'd belong to, but there is comfort here.

Permalink Reply by bc on November 13, 2010 at 10:10pm

To all of you who are new to our site....Welcome, none of us wanted to be here, but we are all in this life together and anytime you feel the need to, just let it out! Its been 15 months for me and I'm better but not good yet, I may never be again but I do know that I've got many friends here and we are the only ones who understand as we are going through it. To those of you who have just recently lost your love, I truly am sorry, I do remember that time and every so often I still do have meltdowns and cry my eyes out, let the tears come, they are gifts from God and even though it doesn't feel like it now,they are healing. You will see many of us giving "hugs" here, hugs are good, and hugs are real as Randy tells us. He is the one who started the hugs and they do help.
I know you feel alone as I do, lonely is the worst feeling to have, many times I have a "pity party" for myself and we deserve to do anything we want, whatever helps you get through the days and nights on this journey you can do. There are no rules. Just wanted you all to know that I feel your pain and come here anytime to vent or get your thoughts out. I am here for all of you just as I know you are here for me. Hugs to you! Hugs are real! Hugs are good.
Barb

Permalink Reply by Christy on November 15, 2010 at 10:43am

Thank you Barb- I get relief from this site that I haven't found elsewhere. As for the "pity party" I've been wondering if there was any place local to share like this & connect with others in the same boat. I would like to have a "pity & praise party"- that's what I do each day privately. I cry my eyes out off & on all day, pour my heart out and then lift my hands and thank God that Larry is healthy, happy & whole and there "on that beautiful shore"! Yesterday his son was visiting for the second time since Larry passed, and he took Larry's glasses out of the case & put them on exclaiming "Wow- I can't see with these on" and I replied smiling and said, "Well he doesn't need them anymore!" It's hard for us to believe sometimes but I do believe and it helps. I still am suffering- I miss him so bad I can't stand it, but I am thankful for God's promises. I hope as days progress there will be more praise and less pity.

Barb said:

To all of you who are new to our site....Welcome, none of us wanted to be here, but we are all in this life together and anytime you feel the need to, just let it out! Its been 15 months for me and I'm better but not good yet, I may never be again but I do know that I've got many friends here and we are the only ones who understand as we are going through it. To those of you who have just recently lost your love, I truly am sorry, I do remember that time and every so often I still do have meltdowns and cry my eyes out, let the tears come, they are gifts from God and even though it doesn't feel like it now,they are healing. You will see many of us giving "hugs" here, hugs are good, and hugs are real as Randy tells us. He is the one who started the hugs and they do help.
I know you feel alone as I do, lonely is the worst feeling to have, many times I have a "pity party" for myself and we deserve to do anything we want, whatever helps you get through the days and nights on this journey you can do. There are no rules. Just wanted you all to know that I feel your pain and come here anytime to vent or get your thoughts out. I am here for all of you just as I know you are here for me. Hugs to you! Hugs are real! Hugs are good.
Barb

Permalink Reply by Rita Murphy on November 15, 2010 at 2:00pm

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for welcoming me to the group. I did write up some detail of how hard it has been. I don't know where it shows up though. I'm trying to navigate the site. Even so, it's hard for every single one of us and and at one time or another we all have the same thoughts and feelings and at times with different intensity.

It's over 13 months now and I've wrestled with a lot of things during that time. Right now it's getting ready for winter. Figuring out yard cleanup and wondering if the gutters are ok. I have had to hire things done this past year and so far I've had good people. My husband took care of everything. On the few occasions we had to hire things done it didn't work out so well...so I'm pleased with my accomplishments this past year. It gives me confidence. I am still working on getting the house cleared out. My husband was a pack rat and I can hardly bare to part with anything. Then I get frustrated because nothing gets done. In my defense I have made some progress, but there is so much to do. It is rare when I feel like doing anything. I then mentally punish myself for being lazy.

The holidays are coming up...the worst time for all of us. I have two sons. One in Calif. They are unmarried. I have no grandchildren. I have a big extended family but we are not that social.

I also realize life is short and I need to carve out a life for myself while I can. It has taken me awhile to quit thinking about death and illness. Those thoughts are slowly receding.

I make plans and then want to cancel or I do cancel. I can't predict my mood...nor do I have any excitement about doing anything. Sometimes it's just easier to do nothing...and then that doesn't feel very good either. It's a strange situation to be in.

I think of each and every one of you I remember my Mom clearly saying she wasn't the only one to be a widow and was a fine example for me. My Mom and Dad had a wonderful life together. She said she had no regrets. They were married 60 years...my husband and I made it 40.

It is also hard being in our home...everything reminds me of him. Sometimes I have bad dreams of when he was ill. I replay the bad times in my mind. I tell myself to quit looking at pictures and video's...why make everything raw again? I can't change anything.

Thank you guys for being there.....

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on November 15, 2010 at 9:19pm

RITA, I WOULD LIKE TO WELCOME YOU TO THE GROUP. I LOST MY HUSBAND AND BEST FRIEND ON FEB. 26TH 2010. I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND WISH THAT NONE OF US HAD TO BE HERE. AFTER READING YOUR POSTING I COULD RELATE TO SO MANY OF YOUR FEELINGS.I USED TO BE A SO TOGETHER PERSON, NOW I AM SO SCATTERED. I CANT HARDLY REMEMBER ANYTHING. I ISOLATE ALOT BECAUSE I DONT EVEN FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND PEOPLE ANYMORE. I WORK A FULLTIME JOB BUT THAT HAS EVEN GOTTEN HARD. I SEE MYSELF BACKSLIDING.MY HUSBAND WAS MY LIFE AND I KNOW IT PROBABLY NEVER SHOULD BE THAT WAY BUT IT WAS.WE WERE EACH OTHERS BEST FRIEND AND BOTH HAVE A VERY SMALL FAMILY.NOW I FEEL LIKE I DONT EVEN HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE. IT IS REALLY DIFFICULT TO GET MOTIVATED TO DO ANYTHING. I THINK WITH THE HOLIDAYS AND ALL IT IS JUST MAKING ME FEEL WORSE. I DO HOPE THIS SITE CAN BE SOME HELP TO YOU AND I ALWAYS KEEP EVERYONE ON THIS SITE IN MY PRAYERS.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on November 15, 2010 at 9:53pm

Cindy, I lost my husband on Oct 21. He was my life for 38 yrs. Now he is gone, and I don't know who I am. I go to work and for a minute, life seems normal. Only for a minute. We also have a small family, and few friends because we just enjoyed being with each other. We both have a small family also. I just miss him so much. As for motivation, I still haven't finished the thank-you cards. I start crying. It's hard to find any comfort. I hope I get a little better, because I sure don't know who I am. Hugs to all.