Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Christy on February 23, 2011 at 7:00am

Suzanne you are not alone. We see this world through different eyes now. Life was good, full of hope, plans ... and now it seems so empty.  It's especially hard on those of us that were together with our mates all day every day. It was beautiful here yesterday & I cried all through lunch because I am alone & couldn't/wouldn't go to the park, eat & go for a walk as Larry & I would always do on a day like that. When I got home my son was smiling & laughing and reminiscing about  a funny episode he shared with Larry & I started crying all over again. It's awful that even happy memories are painful reminders that that was then & those times are in the past. I look at photos & he looks like he is here & I know he should be- nothing makes sense anymore. To top it off, it seems that every day brings news of someone else who has died suddenly/unexpectedly & I mourn for the family & loved ones left behind as if it were someone I knew& loved! Pain on top of pain. God help us! I sincerely hope that I can find my way & make the remainder of my life have meaning.

Prayers & best wishes for a better day ahead- Christy

Permalink Reply by Connie on February 24, 2011 at 8:22pm

Suzanne,  My heart goes out to you because, as you know, I am living with the same heartache that you live with.  Nothing is the same.  There is no joy in living.  All we can do is go from one day to the next and not let the children know what we are thinking and feeling.  I know my children would be devastated if they knew.  I see no point in worrying them.  I see couples walking together, around my age, and although I am happy for them, I also resent what they have and what I no longer have.  I see people who are miserable with each other but they still have each other.  Phil and I were happy together.  We enjoyed just being together and we no longer have that.  I wish things could be different for us both.  As you know, I am always here for you if you want to talk.  You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Permalink Reply by heather on February 25, 2011 at 10:26am

I am reading this like it's my life too. Everyday is the same anymore since Jim passed.  No plans no fun the the same everyday.  I go days on end talking to myself because I'm alone.  I never thought at 62 yrs old I'd be like this a widow and only memories left.  Everyone else has their lives to live I'm really not included in much of it.  I'm on oxygen 24/7 so it's hard to go anywhere for a length of time.  I gave up driving because it was too expensive to maintain a car on my income now everything is so different.  I'm sad and lonely and I pray everyday for Gods help to make it.  11 mo Jim I miss you so much

Permalink Reply by Deb on February 25, 2011 at 6:25pm

Suzanne, Christy, Connie, and Heather;

    I share the same loss and thoughts that each of you do . . the love of my life!!  I read each of your posts and thought they feel just as I do.  My life is the same thing every day.  We had no children; I only have our miniature poodle to share my thoughts with.  I lost my Junior in June 2009.  We spent every minute of every day together and completely enjoyed every minute!!  He loved to cook for everyone and loved to share with others; I so miss him and his loving ways--not only to me, but to everyone around us.

Like all of you, my life is so very different now!!  I love the beginning of Spring--we always had so much fun going to the Gulf and fishing, traveling anywhere-anytime we wanted to go.  We were so very blessed to be able to share so many fun times and so much love!!!   I now just go from one day to the next - there's not anything or anywhere I really want to do or go because he's not here with me to laugh and enjoy!!  We can no longer talk and make plans for our future.  Wow, how I miss him . . just as much now as I did 20 months ago!!  Was in my car last night; had the radio on.  I love Brooks and Dunn!!  Their song, "Neon Moon", came on . . . I had been fine, until that happened.  All I could do is cry while listening to the words of the song!!!  I, too, am very lonely and miss my guy so very much.  I pray every day for God to help me, as well as each of us, to make it through each day and try to adjust to the "new normal" in our lives.  

 

I hope each of you find some piece of happiness in this weekend.  Know that each of you are in my every thought and prayer, as are all of us who have lost our loves.  May God bless and keep each and every one of us!!  Hugs to all.  I am always here if anyone needs to talk--take care of you!!  :)

Permalink Reply by Christy on February 26, 2011 at 7:47pm

Carl,  Good luck to you selling your book. I'm curious; are you a widower? I'm asking because your post sounds very similar to other articles I've read by "experts" who have no personal experience from which thier advice is drawn. While this appears to be sound advice, it lacks emotional understanding in my viewpoint. Perhaps you have been where we are currently and you have advanced to the point that you are detached from the devastation of living in this world without the one person you want & need the most. If that is the case, I am happy for you. However, advising  a recent widow to get a pet if they need "someone to care for" is insulting.

P.S. There should be NO SOLICITING on this site!

Carl Mathis said:

Hey Susan, i would like to shear an article with you which i think will  help you.

A Sudden Truth: Living After the Death of Your Spouse

 

            Losing a spouse is perhaps one of the most emotionally grueling experiences an adult can go through in their lifetime. The deafening emptiness of your home without your partner, the realization of dependency on your spouse, and the loss of everything that you once shared with – companionship, a friend, a person to turn to for advice -  these are hard pills to swallow. For women, especially mothers, this is an unbelievably difficult change in their lives. Being suddenly left to raise the children alone and having to be the sole breadwinner for her now incomplete family is a hurdle many cannot fathom.

However, as you grieve, realize that this time in your life will not be forever. Things can be done to improve your life and to move you forward out of your grief. Allow yourself time to grieve and mourn the loss of your loved one, but once the tears start to become less, acknowledge the fact that it is time to move forward. According to “Life is What You Make It – seven steps to moving forward”, a book by Carl Mathis, this devastating tragedy can be the key and gateway to rebuilding an entirely new life, though it may not seem like so in the beginning. The power of positive thinking can do wonders in helping you to get out of your hole and can push you forward to begin your brand new life alone. Here are some ways to get you off the ground:

1. Understand that the pain will not easily go away. Do not be frustrated or fall into a deeper depression if you feel as if your grief is taking a long time. The loss of a spouse is a heavy burden and it will take time before you start to feel normal again. Think positively and know that this time will pass as well and eventually, you will feel better about life.

2. Acknowledge the power of choice. Do not feel guilty about realizing that you want to begin your new life. This means your time of grief is over. Think of the good things to come.

3. Do not think that you are forgetting your spouse. Just because your pain is slowly fading and you are starting to feel better, it doesn’t mean you are forgetting your spouse. Believe that they would have wanted you to be happy and fulfilled even when they are gone.

4. Channel your love and affection in other ways. Think positively and realize that you still have a lot of love to give. If you are looking for someone to care for, focus more attention on the children, or get a pet to take you through those solitary rough moments. Pets are great joy bringers, delivering comfort and happiness with just their mere presence. Not only that, believe that you can still find love, and that this is not the end of life for you as we know it.

5. Realize that death is just the beginning. Death is inevitable and by thinking positively, you’ll see what the good side of death is. It isn’t the end of life, but a mere beginning.

Employ some positive thinking to help get your through your situation. See the brighter side of things and not just what’s depressing and heartbreaking. There’s always a flipside and that is what you must realize.

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on February 26, 2011 at 8:25pm

Hi Christy,

I just noticed these replies about one minute ago.  I turn around and miss everything.  LoL  What's up with this guy?  Thank you for getting him ousted, we must be on our guard and you are a model of who's looking out for us.   He can't even spell "share."   I hope I can stick up for us all like you did.  Thanks again.

God bless,

Suzanne

Permalink Reply by Christy on February 28, 2011 at 7:14am

I wondered if I was over-reacting, but thought if we were a group meeting physically, that solicitors wouldn't dare interrupt! Steve jumped right on him to- must be the wrestler in him! ;-)

Suzanne said:

Hi Christy,

I just noticed these replies about one minute ago.  I turn around and miss everything.  LoL  What's up with this guy?  Thank you for getting him ousted, we must be on our guard and you are a model of who's looking out for us.   He can't even spell "share."   I hope I can stick up for us all like you did.  Thanks again.

God bless,

Suzanne

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on February 28, 2011 at 12:38pm

suzanne: i just want to let you know i wish you the best of luck on 3/3/11 i will not be in work tomorrow tuesday it was 2 years my son kevin is taking me to the cemtary. let me know how you make out please i pray everything will go your way.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on February 28, 2011 at 12:38pm

suzanne: i just want to let you know i wish you the best of luck on 3/3/11 i will not be in work tomorrow tuesday it was 2 years my son kevin is taking me to the cemtary. let me know how you make out please i pray everything will go your way.

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on February 28, 2011 at 12:58pm

Hi Christy,

You didn't do anything wrong, you just reacted like anyone would who can detect whoever is a .... well I promised for Lent I would remember what my Mother used to say, if you can't find anything nice to say about someone, don't say anything at all.  But Lent hasn't started yet, so I will say that I checked him out on Facebook and his own website.  He is selling his own books, he has a following of more than 2500 on FB, and his wife, according to his info, passed away 3 years ago.  But he violated Mr. Cain's own website's rules by soliciting, worse than that he appealed to the vulnerable.  You were right in what you said to him.  He is just one among many who stoop to low levels.  If his book were any good, it would stand on its own merit or by word of mouth, it would sell.  I don't see how someone can get over grief and write a book to motivate others after only 3 years.  And if he's over grief, what's he doing on legacy, except to sell his book.  I wish I had Mr. Cain's tenacity.  But, I guess we all should have this in our character to stand up against pushy people.  I hope you are well, you are in my prayers, Christy.  I wouldn't worry.  Thank you for defending all of us.

God bless,

Suzanne

 

Permalink Reply by Connie on February 28, 2011 at 5:05pm

Wow - What a jerk that guy is!  I would be sure not to buy any of his books.  Does he not have any compassion for what we are dealing with.   They say it takes all kinds of people to make a world and I guess that is really true.  Some people would do anything to make a dollar.  Christy,  I am glad that you didn't let him just go on. 

 

Suzanne,  I hope things are going well for you.  Please keep in touch.

 

Kathy,  You are in my thoughts and prayers, especially tomorrow.