Last night was a hard one for me. I went to the cemetary with my father in law, my mother in law, and my 8 year old son Tucker. We put out a little Christmas Tree with Solar lights on it so that it would shine at night ( i hope no one steals it) Jason has been gone a little over 2 months. Tucker had his second therapy session today he wanted me to stay with him the entire time. They talked about how when Jason needed help and Tucker ran to the neighbors house to get help and the therapist made sure that Tucker knew that he did everything that he could to help his daddy and that he did not have any guilt feelings about it. He has another appointment next week maybe he will feel comfortable enough to talk without me in there. On the way to school he started complaining that his stomach was hurting i told him it was probably nerves and to call me if it did not feel better in a little bit. I have not heard from him so hopefully he is better. I still cant understand why this happened to us. I have been having a little bit of guilt feelings. I had to go to my cardiologist the other day and have some test done. We just had these same test done in April and May. Jason was with me for every test. I am the one with high blood pressure and heart problems, we had no clue that Jason a 39 year old man who is 6 foot and weighs 167 was going to fall over with a heart attack. I am so mad. I am so tired of everyone saying everything happens for a reason NO THERE WAS NO REASON FOR THIS!!!! I need my husband, my children need their father. There are crack heads walking the streets and this good man is gone. I went on the funeral homes website and reread what everyone said about him he was so good to everyone. I guess thats my little vent for now.