Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Shannon on February 10, 2012 at 12:37am

All I can say is WOW, what is wrong with people do they think their the only ones that hurt? Some people should filter seriously. Like time don't stand still for us.. Like we don't reply the horrible events day after day in our heads. Im sorry you even had to hear something so ridiculous.

Permalink Reply by Julie Stearns on February 10, 2012 at 12:44am

Oh Shannon, this is him own biological mom and has said this to me numerous times, even wrote in on a christmas card...Jims dad is very ill with leukemia, we will see if life goes on for her one day. Time will tell.  Thanks so much!

Permalink Reply by MaggieP on February 10, 2012 at 7:40am

I hope you responded to her what you wrote here.  It is difficult for us when people want to help, but don't know how.   Let her know that you are healing the wound in your soul, and when you are ready, you will move on, even though you don't have any idea what that will be right now. Take your time, don't let others push you.

 Hugs to you.

Permalink Reply by MaggieP on February 10, 2012 at 7:42am

Jane Policcio said:

Julie, My MIL, at the age of 94, has venom running through her veins.  She has said such offal things  about me because she lost her son. I feel sorry for her because she does not realize I have lost my husband and has not given me that respect.  It is 'all about her'.  I am tired of people telling me to forget her remarks because she is 94, but she uses the phone, goes shopping, cooks for herself, gardens.....she still has a functioning mind, yes she is a very functioning 94 year old! My husband was so concerned as to what his mother would do to me after he passed. My MIL has cut all contact with me because of her bitterness. At first I was hurt, but now I find it is better to disconnect from those who hurt us by actions or words. There is a saying that the tongue is sharper than a sword. As it was explained to me the swords wound heals but the tongues wounds are deep and may never heel, because they hurt your feelings and your heart. The next time your MIL asks that question tell her your life does not go on it just functions because it has too.  Tell her what you are feeling, your heart is broken, you are alone, you cry all the time, life sucks!  I am still trying to figure out why with one dying breath people change and become cruel.  I am sorry for ranting here but I feel you need to be truthful with your MIL and sometimes the truth will put her in her place.   Many hugs to you. Jane P

Permalink Reply by Julie Stearns on February 10, 2012 at 9:17am

Jame, I will do this, I have just quit calling myself as I simply don't have the strength do deal with this nonsense.  You are so right the  next time I will tell her, it will free me from one of life's pains... You are never ranting, sharing and caring...

Permalink Reply by Julie Stearns on February 10, 2012 at 9:20am

Maggie, Jim always walked on eggshells when around his parents, like he was not accepted.  I don't want to dishonor her, but i simply cannot take the pain.  As you know lots of people say this and I do respond the way I wrote.  Hugs Maggie
 
Maggie Poxson said:

I hope you responded to her what you wrote here.  It is difficult for us when people want to help, but don't know how.   Let her know that you are healing the wound in your soul, and when you are ready, you will move on, even though you don't have any idea what that will be right now. Take your time, don't let others push you.

 Hugs to you.

Permalink Reply by Linda G. on February 11, 2012 at 8:23pm

Julie,  My MIL has no heart at all.  The night that Neal died here at home, she came by and knew that he only had a matter of hours to live.  But what does she do, she leaves and goes to visit her sister.  I have never really respected her, but when she left her son to go visit, I decided right then and there I would have nothing else to do with her.  She called me a few times and I reconized her number and did not answer the phone.  One time I accidently picked up the phone and it was her.  She ask me how I was and I told her exactly how I felt.  She then said it would get better with time.  I could not believe she said that knowing how much we loved each other.  I then ask her if she did not miss Neal and she said "some, but it is not like he was living with me when he died."  Some people are just ignorant and have no heart.  I decided people like her were not worth my time getting upset over.  So I just always check my phone before I answer it and I don't miss her one bit.  Hugs to you Julie

Permalink Reply by Julie Stearns on February 11, 2012 at 10:03pm

Linda, I am so sorry you had to endure that also. They chose to remember him as he was. didn't even come to say good bye..I guess that doesn't matter But I sat with him 2 hrs after he passed..MIL are just freaking ignorant....

Permalink Reply by B. Robertson on February 13, 2012 at 1:32pm

I have been told that my life will go on, how will it? I lost my husband, my best friend, and soul mate. We did everything together, just us. I don't want to go on without him, we had plans to travel and now I only have to retire and continue on with this thing that is my life now, which sucks! I have three yrs. to work to just be sure I have insurance and come home to an empty farm where everything here reminds me of our life together. I have had a man come up and want to lease the place to raise cows on, this is while I am standing there looking at our fifty head of cattle grazing in the pasture, my husband has been dead only since end of January! He didn't even know him but figured I would sell out! This is my home, even before my husband and I married so I don't plan to leave. I have raised cattle since I was fifteen. I miss him so much!!

I am going through what people expect me to say and act while inside I am dying slowly, they think I am better and am going to be all right, they don't understand at all. It will never be better ever again! I have to go back to work and smile and be hugged and they miss me and all I want to do is be left alone, I don't want to work any more, the reasons are gone, but I have to. Life has no meaning for me any more, I don't like to sleep without him beside me, it is torture. He spoiled me and loved me unconditionally, I didn't deserve that, he was such a good man and I miss him terribly. I have gotten good at saying I'm fine and everyone acts like they believe it, it is all such a joke, I can't stop crying and miss him.

Permalink Reply by Julie Stearns on February 13, 2012 at 2:04pm

B. We have been delt a different hand and now we must figure out our next plan of action.  Trust me I  understand the pain, lonliness, nothing to life for, but ... Let me explain myself  I lost my son 21 years old in an auto accident and wanted so very much to die, there truly wasn't anything to lve for. It didn't matter that I had a daughter or husband a part of MY soul had been ripped from me. I just didn't want to live any longer. I then started a website for mom who lost their children and help lots of mom.  Mom who to wanted to take their lives and not feel  this unrelenting pain.  We have a purpose, our spouses are with God and have everlasting life, think of it as they have gone ahead of us not dead. cell phone die,batteries die. our loved ones have only gone ahead of us. and are closer to us now than when physically here.  I am a CNA and take care of  Franciscan Sisters (NUNS) and they help me to battle this pain all the time.  Love is unconditional and they haven't lost their love for us nor will we lose our love for them.  Tears help us to become stronger. If you think about it everytime you cry and stop I bet you feel you have conquered a tiny bit or have found a new good memory.  Tears are not weakness but healing for the soul andor our shattered heart. I hope this helps and doen't tick anyone off. It is how I learnd to live. I still cry allthe time Jim hs only been gone 12 weeks tomorrow.  But I want to honor his life and not become a bitter old bat.  . sent with much love, and many hugs

Permalink Reply by Karen Gleave on February 13, 2012 at 9:30pm

Honestly - I'd have to know the tone, and the way that she said it.  And you know her history with you, we don't.

Presumably, unless I'm reading it wrong, she has lost a son, too.  Is it possible that she might be saying something along the lines of "this is terrible, but we still have to put food on the table, gas in the car, keep paying the bills.."?

Permalink Reply by Karen Gleave on February 13, 2012 at 9:37pm

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• Next ›
• Page