This can be a touchy subject but I thought I would give it a try. I hope no one takes offence but I am just curious. I see here on our site that so many of our spouses didn't have life insurance and what a devastating effect it has had. Personally if I hadn't taken out life Ins. and paid for it on my husband years ago I would have been where many of you are today. My husband was not a believer in it and said what good would it do for him to have it as he wouldn't be here to spend it. I know many might not could have afforded it and do understand if that is the case. What I don't understand is why those who could did not. I would question my husband why he felt it unnessary wich is what he would say it was and he could have afforded it with no problem. I said well what about the bills and other expenses like your funeral and he would laugh and say what do I care I won't be here. The ironic thing is he would inquire how much I had on myself. I know we as humans don't like to think about us dying and another thing we don't want to do is have a WILL made as was the case again with my husband. I finally made an app. with a laywer and told him he was going and get one made and took him. It is so important expecially if there are step children involved as in our case and they were estranged for many years.He always said your my wife and everything goes to you but thats not true in my state  ( new jersey ) and I showed him in black and white that I would have to split everything 50/50 with his kids without him having a will. That was not happining, so when he heard it from the laywer he believed it. Sorry I didn't mean to get into it so personally but these things are important to those left behind and here is a  F Y I, you do not need a laywer to make a will all you need to do is write down your wishes and take it to a notary-public and sign it in front of them  with two witness's yours or they can use their employees and it is legal and all banks have one and if your a customer they don't charge for it. This is just something I've been thinking about for a while. Hugs to all.

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Brigitte, I am so sorry that your husband and so many of our Viet Nam vets were treated so badly. My husband was also in the Navy back then and seen it first hand. I think they should all be treated equally regardless of when they served when new rules and laws are passed exspecialy where medical treament is concerned. Mike was not service injured so some things he was not entilted to but we were thankfull for what medical care he was able to get because there was a time that was all he had due to my job at the time he got sick was not providing health ins. to its new employees wich I was a new employee.Thank goodness we didn't have any debt except the mortage but I now also have mediacal bills hanging over me for him because he was not in a VA. hospital at the time he passed.I will deal with them eventually it's been 29 months and when I think about trying to deal with and I have tried several times it gets depressing so now my thinking is I'll deal with them when forced to.  We were not the type to save money when we wanted to travel as long as the bills were paid we went and I'm so greatfull we did because there was no retirement, he got severly sick at 49 yrs. old and lived for ten years that way.We talked alot about that after he got sick and was glad we didn't wait. I know he is at peace also. Hugs

Brigitte said:

Virginia,

You have brought up a very touchy subject for many of us.  My husband could not get life insurance unless we were willing to pay $2000 a month or more.  He was considered 'high risk' -- and this was before the Parkinson's diagnosis.  Douglas was a service connected disabled veteran and all we were able to get for him was $30,000 through the VA.  Did that help me?  Sure, because I was left with many medical bills that the VA should have paid but did not.  It has been 2 years and I am still fighting them.  Unfortunately Douglas was not among the group of today's veteran who is respected and given many kudo's.  Nope, he was spat upon, in his pajamas as he was unloaded from the airplane that medi-vaced him home from Viet Nam.  But that is another subject.  I am glad that you were able to make thinks right for you and your spouse.  Again, insurance companies make the rules and Douglas did not fit into their neat little package of "acceptable" -- oh, well.  He is at peace now and that is what matters.  No amount of money will bring him back.  His funeral was paid for prior to his death and we had no debt.  I worked full time and made sure that our debts were paid off and money saved.  You do what you have to do.  Not everyone is as fortunate.  I had "time" if you want to call it that to prepare for the inevitable.  But for the widow/er who is faced with that sudden death there is no way to prepare.  We all go through so much when we lose our partner/spouse and we will get through the aftermath.  This I promise!

 

Have a great day.

 

Brigitte

Thank you so much for broaching this subject Virginia. It is so important to most. Luckily Bill had a small policy that was enough for his cremation and he had good investments that are helping me now. He had been a widower when we met so understood about having things right. I am insured so my daughter can take care of everything for me when the time comes. One thing that I also learned the hard way as some of you might have also was the credit cards. I did not realize that some of our cards were in my husbands name and i was only a signator. The companies cancelled these immediately on his death without even telling me til i tried to use one. They said i had no right to them since he was gone. Yikes, so glad i had learned by having been divorced previously how important it was to establish my own credit and had a couple of cards in my own name because it was difficult losing the other cards we had shared. Please all of you, have stuff in your own name as soon as you can to get YOU ESTABLISHED AS A PERSON. We loved being part of a pair and I know many feel they still are but it doesn't help in this financial world out there. You must now take care of yourselves in any way you can..
Hi Kathy,I agree we all need our own credit establlished.I'm not sure about your state but in mine even tho things were in his name the spouse is still responesable for paying the bill. I hope everything's going good for you, have you moved yet ? Hugs

Kathy King said:
Thank you so much for broaching this subject Virginia. It is so important to most. Luckily Bill had a small policy that was enough for his cremation and he had good investments that are helping me now. He had been a widower when we met so understood about having things right. I am insured so my daughter can take care of everything for me when the time comes. One thing that I also learned the hard way as some of you might have also was the credit cards. I did not realize that some of our cards were in my husbands name and i was only a signator. The companies cancelled these immediately on his death without even telling me til i tried to use one. They said i had no right to them since he was gone. Yikes, so glad i had learned by having been divorced previously how important it was to establish my own credit and had a couple of cards in my own name because it was difficult losing the other cards we had shared. Please all of you, have stuff in your own name as soon as you can to get YOU ESTABLISHED AS A PERSON. We loved being part of a pair and I know many feel they still are but it doesn't help in this financial world out there. You must now take care of yourselves in any way you can..
Marrie,I'm sorry to hear that. I guess it's best to learn the law where these things are concerned one never knows.Hugs

Marrie Osmun-Little said:

Everything we had was in Rich's name and I had no rights to anything even though there was a will. Guess it is what God wanted. May all of you find peace.

 

 

Nancy I am sorry for your loss. I do understand  and I think employers can be cruel leading employees to think they have certan things. I am having that problem with my last employer ( I am a retired thru the state) and they were suspose to have my husband on my ins. when i retired but didn't so i have many dr. bills for him that they refuse to pay. If it had not been for this life insurence co. comming to my job several yrs. ago when i was younger trying to get you to buy their ins. i would not have had any on my husband and it's ironic i didn't take any for myself because i knew what the state had on us. I was disabled 7 months and had no income for those months before my husband passed and now only have a small life ins.policy for retirees and have tried to buy other ins. and can't because of my health. I'm sorry if this subject has upset you that was not the intent.Being " luckey enough to have the money for ins " and at times i didn't have it to make the payments but was lucky that they ( the ins. co. ) took a loan against the policy to make the payment.I am blessed it was enough to barely bury him.  Having life ins. does not make loosing your spouse any easier. Hugs

Nancy Morgan said:

My husband didn't have life Insurance but he thought he did through his company that he worked for. I found a carbon copy of the paperwork he had filled out and signed and made me beneficiary but when I called his company, they said they didn't pull it out for the employees, only medical and dental.  My husband died suddenly and I know that he would not have wanted me to go through what I did because of no life Insurance.  When my husband retired from the Air Force we could have continued to pay on the Life Insurance they had but it was way too expensive and my husband didn't have a job for some time and the retirement doesn't start coming in for over a month after retirement.  It took him a while to finally find a good job that paid well and then he went into a coma on his job and then 2 weeks later died. Never came out of the coma..Sometimes at the age of 50 u don't think of those things that much because u believe that u are going to grow old together and 50 is not old..I pulled out life Insurance on myself not long after he died so my children wouldn't have to worry and I also have a will so they know my wishes. I was and still am on permanent disability so I didn't have a job that gave any benefits like life Insurance..some of us are not so lucky to have the money to prepare for a death no matter when it happens to us or our spouse..

I'll try to make this short, but people should be very careful with any insurance money they receive and get recommendations on how to invest and who to invest with.  My ex-husband received a lump sum payment, and had set up three accounts with his name and our children's names on it. It is a reputable company but I'm afraid he didn't receive the best advice.  He remarried and decided to change the accounts.  He set it up so his new wife could receive the interest to live off.  Somehow it now is set that she can not only just take all the money, or take the kids off the account or add her own kids names.  She knew all this so when she and the kids went to the funeral home, she told them she didn't have any money and the kids would have to pay for everything.  She didn't know the kids knew about the money and played dumb.  I'm sure that money will all be gone and I'm positive my ex would never have wanted his children to be slighted OR her kids to get anything.  He should have been asking more questions and the financial advisor he went to should have suggested more options.  My kids were really upset about the whole situation and  are not expecting to ever get a dime.  They could all use some of that money right now because of the economy and the loss of jobs, etc.  I'm trying to help them as much as I can, but I also have a hard time making ends meet.  I'm luckier than a lot of people and I'm sorry  anybody has to go through the loss of a home, etc. while going through the grief we all are experiencing.  My second husband died 18 months  ago and I'm still having rough times.  Just please, while you are telling your friends to get insurance warn them about investing.    Joan
I guess I am one of the lucky ones as Neal had life insurance and health insurance.  I would gladly give it all back just to have him back.  I do know that in NC that any debt we had just in the spouses name you do not have to pay.  When my Mama died she had hospital bills left and they called me as I was taking care of their bills.  I told the lady that she had died and there was no estate and she told me she would write it off and if I got anything else just to call her.   There was no money and Daddy could not pay it either.  If you write to a collection agency and tell them do not contact you again, it is illegal for them to contact you again, but you have to write them, you can't tell them over the phone.  I hope some of this info can help someone. 

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