Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Peter on January 2, 2014 at 4:15pm

Monica,

    First I want to say I'm sorry for your loss. I wish I could tell you that there is a magic pill or a book that had the answers for you but the truth of it is you will go through 5 stages of Grief and it will get better. I have lost 2 sons, a grandchild and my wife over a ten year period and thought I would never recover from any of it. Each time I had to experience that pain and each time I got through it. I learned something from a wise man and he said " We have the ability to choose what we think and do in life and rationality tells us we can't go back to the past but we can choose what we do for the future". His question was "Would you rather think of the one day I lost a loved one or think of the thousands of days I shared laughter with them ? " It doesn't mean that we will ever forget them but it does mean that once we get past the grieving process we have the ability to redirect our thoughts. I can also remember feeling guilty when I would catch myself laughing or just having a good time. He also said that the length of time we grieve doesn't have to equal the length of time we love and it made so much sense that it helped me tremendously. The wise man was someone I never thought I would find myself looking to for answers but in fact he was the only one that did help me. It was Dr Phil and not to say that every topic he covers pertains to my life or yours but every once in a while he will air something that teaches me something worth incorporating into my life.

    I try to help others with their grieving now because I have been through so much and it helps me to feel better by being a better person. I hope this helps and I'm sorry for the pain. Remember that it's ok to cry when you feel the need and don't try to hold things inside because they will pop up later on, only worse. ( I found that out the hard way when my first boy passed away )  Talk about it to friends and family and if I can help I'm just an email away.

      Pete

Permalink Reply by John Neylon on January 21, 2014 at 10:26am

Peter said:

Monica,

    First I want to say I'm sorry for your loss. I wish I could tell you that there is a magic pill or a book that had the answers for you but the truth of it is you will go through 5 stages of Grief and it will get better. I have lost 2 sons, a grandchild and my wife over a ten year period and thought I would never recover from any of it. Each time I had to experience that pain and each time I got through it. I learned something from a wise man and he said " We have the ability to choose what we think and do in life and rationality tells us we can't go back to the past but we can choose what we do for the future". His question was "Would you rather think of the one day I lost a loved one or think of the thousands of days I shared laughter with them ? " It doesn't mean that we will ever forget them but it does mean that once we get past the grieving process we have the ability to redirect our thoughts. I can also remember feeling guilty when I would catch myself laughing or just having a good time. He also said that the length of time we grieve doesn't have to equal the length of time we love and it made so much sense that it helped me tremendously. The wise man was someone I never thought I would find myself looking to for answers but in fact he was the only one that did help me. It was Dr Phil and not to say that every topic he covers pertains to my life or yours but every once in a while he will air something that teaches me something worth incorporating into my life.

    I try to help others with their grieving now because I have been through so much and it helps me to feel better by being a better person. I hope this helps and I'm sorry for the pain. Remember that it's ok to cry when you feel the need and don't try to hold things inside because they will pop up later on, only worse. ( I found that out the hard way when my first boy passed away )  Talk about it to friends and family and if I can help I'm just an email away.

      Pete

Permalink Reply by John Neylon on January 21, 2014 at 10:32am

Dear Monica,
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I know the pain you have. I buried my beautiful wife just last Friday. Lourdes was just 47. Everything your going through mirrors my life right now. Only my son is 21.
Her purse is still where she left it. I charge her cell phone when in beeps. I go to the garage and cry and cry. I can't wrap my head around this. At her funeral I was walking to the grave site with my sons and turned around to wait for her to catch up.im destroyed and know you are to and I wish I had something to make your pain ease but I don't. I'm trying the one day at time approach, nothing helps.
I'm so sorry for you.

John Neylon said:

Peter said:

Monica,

    First I want to say I'm sorry for your loss. I wish I could tell you that there is a magic pill or a book that had the answers for you but the truth of it is you will go through 5 stages of Grief and it will get better. I have lost 2 sons, a grandchild and my wife over a ten year period and thought I would never recover from any of it. Each time I had to experience that pain and each time I got through it. I learned something from a wise man and he said " We have the ability to choose what we think and do in life and rationality tells us we can't go back to the past but we can choose what we do for the future". His question was "Would you rather think of the one day I lost a loved one or think of the thousands of days I shared laughter with them ? " It doesn't mean that we will ever forget them but it does mean that once we get past the grieving process we have the ability to redirect our thoughts. I can also remember feeling guilty when I would catch myself laughing or just having a good time. He also said that the length of time we grieve doesn't have to equal the length of time we love and it made so much sense that it helped me tremendously. The wise man was someone I never thought I would find myself looking to for answers but in fact he was the only one that did help me. It was Dr Phil and not to say that every topic he covers pertains to my life or yours but every once in a while he will air something that teaches me something worth incorporating into my life.

    I try to help others with their grieving now because I have been through so much and it helps me to feel better by being a better person. I hope this helps and I'm sorry for the pain. Remember that it's ok to cry when you feel the need and don't try to hold things inside because they will pop up later on, only worse. ( I found that out the hard way when my first boy passed away )  Talk about it to friends and family and if I can help I'm just an email away.

      Pete

Permalink Reply by Monica Gilliam on January 21, 2014 at 1:12pm

Pete, Thank you so much for the kind words. I also appreciate the offer to email you anytime. I Am sorry for you loss.

John,  Your loss is so recent. I wish I had some words to bring YOU some comfort. My husband has been gone for 53 days. It still seems like it was yesterday. I wish I could tell you it gets easier. So far it hasn't gotten any easier for me. Granted his passing is still very recent. I did start a grief group a few weeks ago. Some of the tools they give have helped. Others, I'm not ready to do yet. I'm told that's normal. I'm still deciding if coming on here helps. Sometimes, I read the posts and it depresses me more. Other times, I find comfort. I'm so very sorry for your loss. It seems as if we're having a lot of the same feelings. So, please feel free to email me if you need an ear. 

Permalink Reply by Cynthia Murphy on January 23, 2014 at 11:28pm

I had to hire a lawyer for probate last week. My husband passed away without a will and did not put my name on the property deed. What a pain this is. I paid the house off 6 years ago  and now this. I had to get new tires on my car today. Went to Sears the other day and customer service was so rude. I had to get out of there before I exploded. I wanted to scream and cry at the same time. Found a place near my house and they were so nice and a great price. I have always taken care of these things but it was awful to go thorough this time. Today is the 8 week mark and I had some moments where I could feel my heart racing and feeling like I should leave work. I hate it when these feelings come on.

Permalink Reply by Jason R on January 30, 2014 at 7:12pm

Monica,

This was never supposed to happen. You were never supposed to feel this way. Death is not normal. It never will be. Death is an enemy.  I too have lost many to death.  My heart aches as I type these words.

However, I would like to share with you a hope that I have, as it brings me much comfort and I hope it will for you as well.

Some would talk as if death is a part of the normal cycle of life. However, nature teaches us...

Did you know that some tortoises live for 150 years, and some trees for 3,000 years. Yet, our life can be a lot more meaningful than that of a tortoise or a tree. God created humans with the capacity to enjoy music, sports, dining, learning, traveling, and meeting people. God put in our hearts the desire for life without end. Not just for ourselves but also for those whom we love so dearly.

So -  Why do we die?

Is living forever possible?

Can I see my loved one again?

These and many other questions are answered in the publication: What Does the Bible Really Teach?

I have read this book many times. It has clear explanations based on the bible. It is available online for free.

I pray that Jehovah, the God of comfort - comfort you as you endure this most difficult time in your life.

Here is a link to the publication. Please click here.

Also when you have a moment, read Psalms 34:18

 

 

Permalink Reply by Michelle Waldron on February 1, 2014 at 4:22am

Monica

I am a 42 year old mother of two boys ages 9 and 10. On Columbus Day weekend, I took my husband and boys on a surprise weekend get away. We got home at 5 pm Sunday night. He wanted to stay up to watch his football game. The boys and I were tired so went to bed at 10:00. In the morning, we found him dead on the couch. He apparently died prior to 10:30. To my knowledge he was healthy. This came out of no where for us. Sounds like you may be going through a similar thing.

Michelle

Permalink Reply by Faye Tyree on February 9, 2014 at 8:00pm

Monica, first let me say that I am truly sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 19 years on January 3rd of this year. He was on life support, had pneumonia, sepsis, had a heart attack while on life support. We didn't realize he was so sick. When we took him off life support, he was gone in about 15 minutes. I'm grateful for the wonderful years we had, but I still miss him so. You will be in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by katie on February 28, 2014 at 1:57pm

So sorry to hear what you are going through.  Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things we will ever have to deal with.  I find comfort in dealing with the deaths of my mother and brother by dwelling on the future that God has promised.  Acts 24:15 tells us that there will be a resurrection.  I like to put myself there at that time when I'll see them again.  There will be lots of hugs, kisses and happy tears.  And they will be happy and healthy in every respect.-Isaiah 33:24.  Until then God will give you the strength that you need.  At Isaiah 41:10 he promises, "Do not be afraid, for I am with you.  Do not be anxious, for I am your God.  I will fortify you, yes, I will help you.  I will really hold on to you."   He personalizes his help to fit us individually.  We couldn't get any better help than this.  Grieve in what ever way you need, for as long as you need. You will heal and find your way.

Permalink Reply by kristie22369@yahoo.com on March 4, 2014 at 1:28pm

So sorry to hear about every ones loss. I am going through the same thing right now. my husband died 2 weeks ago at age 42 we never saw it coming what a shock! I never had to manage any finances and now im faced with it all. I also found out i'm not on the deed to the house it's in his name and ex-wife name. He never had her removed he was awarded the house in their divorce but just never had her removed from the deed.. I dont know if i'm strong  enough to go through all of this. I need strength lots of it..