hi everyone i think i am just going thru another meltdown i was trying to be so strong thinking thats the way george would want me to be but it is not working now. maybe because the holidays are coming up i remember him telling me he wished he was as strong of a person like me  i think it is hitting me now that he is gone and never coming back to me which i still feel it is not fair.i feel that if god takes one of us he should take both this way no one  has to go thru this horrible horrible time of pain, sadness. if this were to happen no one would be on this website this website would not exist  .to this day i cannot understand why did this happen. yes i have family  george was my family he was my world my best friend. when waking up in the morning no george no snoring no laughter in the apt. evening come home no george think i hear his footsteps coming up the stairs but just my head playing tricks on me. thanks for listening to me venting out but it is what i had to do. again i will try to be strong but no guarantee. hugs to everyone like randolph would say hugs are good right now i need a hug

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HUGS Kathy. I understand exactly how you feel. It's awful beyond words. But even if we left this world together there would be others who would surely feel sorrow: parents, siblings, children & friends. Each one of us really makes a great impact on so many people & we may not realize it until they are gone. You will be better in time- George said you were strong! Hugs again- Christy
Kathy, i am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. I don't understand why God left us to suffer this pain, but I do know that He had a reason for it. Maybe one day when we have joined our husbands we will understand. You don't have to be strong all the time and just remember that you always have your friends here that will listen any time you need us. Here is a great big HUG to you.
kathy, i am sorry you are having a hard time. i have been really anxious because of the holidays comming. i finally made an appointment to see a therapist.i think reality has finally sunk in and i see how lonely an existance i now have. my beloved could have handled me passing on so much better.i question constantly why i was the one left behind. it makes no sense. i know all about the lonely days and lonely nights because that is how my life is. i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. i only hope that things get better for you and i will surely keep you in my prayers.hugs to you!!!
Sorry for your lost. Always remember we are here for you Kathy. You are not alone. Ed
Kathy, my Steve used to say we needed to make a pact to go together. No such luck. It is indeed unfair to have to suffer as we are. I miss Steve's presence, his laughter, even his snores, too. You did the right thing to come here, to write about it, to vent, to put it all out there to people who get it. Everyone here understands the meltdown phenomenon. Heaven knows I've had my share in the past 10 weeks, and I don't expect I'm done with them yet. I know how you feel; I feel how you feel. You're not alone. George is with you in whatever way he can be, and people on this site are with you, too. Hugs - Susan
Kathy, You are not alone with all of those feelings. I feel your intense pain and sadness and despair but I believe that the love bond you had with George is forever and that he is right there by your side giving you the strength to go on until you both are together again. I abhor that Doug is physically not here and all the head tricks are playing with me too. Guess this site was formed so we can give each other boosts and hope and friendship that we are not alone. Prayers and hugs my friend. Ellen Hugs...Help Us Grow Spiritually.
Hi Kathy, You have always been there for me and I know you are such an understanding, kind friend. I can really sympathize with you as I have been saying pretty much the same. Only if Danny and I were to go at the same time, I think I wouldn't be able to do what I needed to make sure, as much sadness as I had to bear to accomplish it, I did have wonderful family members who did everything they could, and they gave it their all in the taking care of business at hand. I am glad I was able to be the wife to him that everyone would know 'our love' even though it smashed my heart in pieces. Once in a while I get a very few moments of clarity and I "know" but am unable to "feel" him with me. I am fighting obstacles in my path and bureaucracy to stay in the place we had been living together for the last 30 years and hope and pray I can continue to stay living here. This and a few others things has caused me a great deal of stress enough to keep me awake all night. Normally I am able to sleep at night, which I have recently and I have you and others here to thank for your words of comfort. I really want to be here when the anniversary of his memorial day comes up, and I hope they don't kick me out beforehand. That would be a big blow, but I understand we all have to deal with insensitive people who only are concerned with their own rules and making money. Anyway, if we were to go together, I wouldn't be able to keep his memory alive and in my heart which is what I know I will gradually have to do. I know I'll never be as happy as when Dan was here with me, but I don't want our 2 sons to suffer any more than need be. They have family, which are our grandchildren. As I mentioned there are some moments when I'm very clear about the fact Danny is in no pain and he can be of help to all our family better where he is. Yes, once in a while I have doubts, but I always come back to my Faith. I feel very fortunate, as there was someone at the Hospice Widows meeting today who has said he has no faith. I can't imagine thinking this life is all there is. We all won't know until we get there, but when these other additional stresses are not with me, and I'm not up all night, once in a while, on occasion I do feel better and only hope you are able to feel at peace as well. It hurts my heart to know you and everyone are in such sadness. I've been there, I'll probably be in that place again. Not one day goes by when I don't say in one way or another that "I can't believe he is really gone" and this still haunts me. Then I get distracted and I believe one day if I don't have hope now, the hope will come to me at a later time. The hope that maybe, just maybe I'll be able to smile when I think of him, and be the proof to the legacy I leave my children and grandchildren that there is a loving God and we are mortal. It is just so very hard lots of days (and nights) when I don't know why we have to be in sorrow. I don't get the point. But, then I'm not God either. We each have to go it alone but we do have one another to help get through our darkest hours and I am grateful to you and everyone for that. Life is a long and winding road. We never know what and when things will hit us. We just have to do the best we can and I am, once again, so sorry for your pain and hope you and all of us get through the holidays, which someone said will be behind us at some point. A day at a time. That's all we have. Hugs and Prayers are with you.
Suzanne
Dear Kathy:

I am very sorry to hear about the passing of your dear husband. I know when you loose someone that is close to you it can cause great pain and sorrow. Many people do wonder, why does God allow suffering? Please be assured that Jehovah God is not the cause of any of the suffering in this world nor does he like seeing you cry and weep. In fact he encourages us to "throw all of our anxiety upon him because he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7). At least we do have the wonderful opportunity to see and live with our dear love ones again on peaceful conditions on the earth (Psalm 37:11). May you find comfort from the Bible's promise of a resurrection "when all those in the memorial tombs will come out" (John 5:28, 29). May the words comfort you during your time of distress. Kyle

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