Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Connie on January 14, 2011 at 9:48pm

Carolyn,  I am so very sorry for your loss.  I lost my husband of 46 years on 11/9/09.  He is still on my mind constantly.  I, too, have wonderful children and grandchildren and friends that are very supportive but it doesn't ease the pain of being alone.  No matter who or how many people are around, I still feel alone.  I know the pain you are experiencing because I am still experiencing pain.  There are days when, although I think of him all the time, I do not cry because I am busy with other things and I can cope.  I think the nights are absolutely the worst.  I did not sleep in our bed for almost a year.  For a time, I could not even go into the bedroom because it brought the tears.  That I have learned to live with.  I cannot learn to live with sitting in the living room watching tv and he is not in his chair.  I barely cook or eat any meals anymore because it is too difficult without him.  Some days I just eat crackers because I do not feel up to doing any more.  I wish I could tell you that it would all go away soon but I am sorry that I can't.  The only good thing I can say is that you have found this website because there are so many really wonderful people on this site that are living the same lives that we are and are always available to make you feel just a little better because you know that you are not the only one with the pain and sorry.  I wish you the very best and I will remember you in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on January 14, 2011 at 9:51pm

Carolyn,

You have come to a great place to share your grief.  We all understand how hard it is to walk this journey.  I think the more we share stories about our loves and our lives the more we heal. 

Feel free to share your husband and your story when you are ready.  We are here to listen and share along with you.  As wonderful as family and friends are, unless they have gone through this, they just cannot understand the depth of pain you feel.  So, it helps to talk to others.

I am at 22 months on the 16th.  I lost my husband of 25 years unexpectedly on March 16, 2009.  There are days I feel (I know) I have really progressed and other days where I just cannot seem to take another breath.  This rollercoaster ride is no fun. 

Just know you are not alone...there are so many of us here that are ready to listen and share.

Take care and talk to you soon... ((Hugs)) to you.

Marlena

Permalink Reply by Virginia on January 15, 2011 at 7:48am

Carolyn,Welcome,and I'm so sorry for your loss.I loss my husband of 32 yrs. on 4,29,2009. We all will have different experences and different timelines for how we grieve,there is no on set rule.As you will see on this site and this is the best possiable place for you to be weather you want to share or just read what others have and are going through.We all know the hurt and lonelyness and some even the loss of their homes due to loosing our spouses. This is a very helpfull site everyone here cares, even tho sometimes we get caught up in our own sorrows and can't seem to reply to the postings, we can come here to find comfort and to know we are not going crazy. The feelings and thoughts and the physical pain are all real and we have all went thru or are feeling them.So we understand what you are going through. Weekends are slow here so don't get discourged. Post when you feel like you can this is the best place to be open and honest about your feelings and not be judged.God Bless and as we like to say here Hugs to you, Hugs are good,

Permalink Reply by Edler Sterling Broussard on January 15, 2011 at 10:06am

Dear Carolyn, it's ok to feel the way you do. Most of us feel the same way. I lost my wife on Aug. 13, 2009 and I still have days that are harder to get through. In my opinion, the more you loved your lost one the more and harder the grief. Which to me is only natural and things should get better in time. At first I didn't want anyone around me but now I know that it doesn't help to go through this alone. You need your family around you and if you can try to get out more often and maybe find something that you can do with your time to help you get through this. Grief is not an easy to experience and get through. One day at a time, trying to make the next day a little better is all one can try to do. Sharing stories with others on this site has helped me tremendously. Try to be patient and know that we are all here for you. Have a good day. A big hug, Ed

Permalink Reply by Virginia on January 17, 2011 at 5:37am

Mary,I'm so sorry for your loss. Please feel free to write your feelings here, you may find it comforting to just put them into words.We are all in this together your pain is so new and there are many here just starting this journey and some of us have been into it a while.Hopefully you and the rest will find some comfort here.God Bless and Hugs to you.

Mary Bowen said:

I feel your pain I just lost my husband of 33 years on December 26, 2010 and sometimes I feel like I cannot go on even through I have a 21 year old son. My husband died 5 days before the anniversary of my 18 year son in 1988. I sometimes wonder how much more I can handle.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on January 17, 2011 at 3:46pm

dear carolyn, i am so sorry for your loss. it is a very painful thing to experience. i lost my husband almost 11 mos ago and i too feel like i am going backwards instead of forwards. i think you will find this site helpful because we all know how you feel. it is such a hard journey to have to go through. i am here for you anytime you want to post and i will keep you in my prayers. i wish i had some words of wisdom that i could give you but i guess all i can say is just take one day at a time and sometimes it might be just taking one minute at a time. God Bless You.

Permalink Reply by Crimson B. on January 17, 2011 at 4:43pm

I lost my life partner in November, and I really understand. I want to email him, or call him, or talk to him. And instead, I start wandering my house. Please know that you are not alone. It is the only thing that holds me together. Also, I am going to grief counseling this week coming up. I think that at the very least, I will be able to see and hear other people who are going through the same emotions as me and that that will give some comfort, and giving comfort is also helpful. I give you a big, big hug. Hugs help.

love,

crimson

Permalink Reply by Karen Kikukawa on January 18, 2011 at 7:03am

I lost my husband Dec 3, 2008. Funny you should say that you're going backwards, cause I've been thinking the same thing these last few days. I did go through a year and 1/2 of sleeping pills and/or drinking to help me sleep. Learning a new daily schedule and being a widow took some coping. No kids (I was found to be infertile) so it is even lonelier, I think. Taking care of my 87 yr. old Mom has helped to be distracting. Losing my father, Mom becoming a new widow in June 2009, another grief to cope with. But now things have calmed down to where it really is going to be different. I felt the same as you this morning, that somehow the loss is the same. Some of us, I guess can continue. My girlfriend who's husband passed away 2 years ago, just got a new boyfriend and is happy, I'm glad for her. I can't even imagine it for me. Maybe it's my age. I am hitting 60 this year as well. My girlfriend is in her early 40's. Thinking about him, always makes me smile and gives me a warm feeling. I guess it's just another hurdle we have to go through. One of my friends lost her husband 10 years ago, at the funeral, I asked her if it ever got better and she looked and me sadly and said .... no. I told myself I'm going to the gym today and out to buy a birthday present for my girlfriend. Wish me luck. One day at a time, just keep at it, they would want us to, right?

Permalink Reply by BARBARA K. FELLER on January 29, 2011 at 2:00am

Hi I truly understand what u r feeling.   I don't know exactly how your husband died.  If I did I could refer u to a specific group to go to.   My wonderful husband Stuart committed suicide 11-29-2007 by hanging himself on the back of his bthrm door.  I found him & it was awful.  I called 911 yelled out my front door, "somebody help me-hurry!"   I cut my husband down my friend/neighbor Judy & I performed cpr until paramedics got there. I have had to deal w/so much in my lifetime that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I was accused by homicide detectives of killing him.  I had to deal with my mil who is self-serving & her screaming at me on the phone + called my step-dtr & tell her that her father had killed himself.   I had to deal w/relatives, friends, coworkers from my former federal job.   I had to 'hold it together' to 'do what I had to do'.  I worked for SSA-federal gov't & retired on a early out 09/2004 due to health problems.   I had to beg my husband's rich uncle to buy me a airplane ticket to be able to fly up to NYC.  He was from NYC & most of his relatives lived there.  Stu & I had had to grieve for Kevin, his disabled son that died at age 27.  He'd had Chron's disease plus mental problems on top of that. Kevin died of an 'accidental?' overdose of his mental medications.  He was buried on Long Island.  I'd promised Stuie that we'd get back to NYC together.  Little did I know that I would be bringing him home for his funeral. There are still people I haven't contacted yet about his suicide.My oldest brother of 3-Dan Kessinger 59 y.o. on 07-16-08 dropped dead in his sleep-ht attack 1 wk later 07-23-08 my dad died-also unexpectedly.I lost condo to foreclosure  left most things behind.  U will survive this! Hang in there!  It's still hard & it's been over 3 yrs. I loved Stuie my bff/husband/soulmate. I'll write another email after this for referrals. Barbara K Feller

Permalink Reply by BARBARA K. FELLER on January 29, 2011 at 8:20am

It's very difficult to lose someone u love so very much.  U think your love is strong enough to save them but it's not. I've been to grief counseling-group & individual plus to local church whose grief counselor was an idiot.  I've been to regular counseling also.  she was in duhsville.  She didn't know how much I've gone through in my life-abuse-verbal/mental from my mother then 2 1/2 yrs w/a crazy fiance mental physical & emotional abuse.  I survived-left w/just backpack & change of clothes/legal papers-dropped out of college w/a 3.853 gpa gave him my car belongings yet he still stalked me/my family. had to live w/my crazy mother & father that was wonderful growing up -unhappy person turned crazy alcoholic who tried to kill me one night!I survived almost 20 yrs working in 3 sick fedl bldgs until i was so ill I had to retire early-about 9 yrs earlier than planned.I believe in self-help-get books on dealing w/grief-local library or Barnes & Noble/try Abebooks.com discounted books. If suicide u can look up 'suicide survivors support groups'

Permalink Reply by bc on January 29, 2011 at 11:15pm

Hi Carolyn, I lost my husband on August 5, 2009 and I know what you are feeling. Even with family and friends our world isn't complete any more. I miss Brad everyday and can't understand why this had to happen to us. We were together 24/7/365, he was my best friend. I'd like to help you if I can. You can reach me here, I'm not on here too much but I'm also on Facebook as many of us are. You can find me on FB as Barb Chamberlain. Hang in there and I'm sending you hugs!

Permalink Reply by bc on January 29, 2011 at 11:16pm

Marlena you are so right in everything you told Carolyn. We are with others but still feel alone. It doesn't ever go away but I'm finding out that I'm having more positive days and then comes a meltdown out of nowhere. We all stick together here and can vent whenever we feel like it because...we do understand! Hugs to all of you.

Barb

Marlena said:

Carolyn,

You have come to a great place to share your grief.  We all understand how hard it is to walk this journey.  I think the more we share stories about our loves and our lives the more we heal. 

Feel free to share your husband and your story when you are ready.  We are here to listen and share along with you.  As wonderful as family and friends are, unless they have gone through this, they just cannot understand the depth of pain you feel.  So, it helps to talk to others.

I am at 22 months on the 16th.  I lost my husband of 25 years unexpectedly on March 16, 2009.  There are days I feel (I know) I have really progressed and other days where I just cannot seem to take another breath.  This rollercoaster ride is no fun. 

Just know you are not alone...there are so many of us here that are ready to listen and share.

Take care and talk to you soon... ((Hugs)) to you.

Marlena

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