Please accept my deepest heartfelt condolences on the lost of your husband. I lost my husband 5-1/2 months ago, unexpectantly, February 16th. I said good-bye to go to work, not realizing it was the last time I would be able to say good-bye to him.
I, as well as the others in this group, know too well the heart-wrenching pain that you are feeling right now. Some of the members in this group have been traveling this journey alone for years, while others as myself has just begun. Either way, we are grieivng the loss of our beloved spouses, no matter the stages of that grief.
I can tell you that I have gone from living moment to moment, which is progress for me. I long for him every day and every night but is just now beginning to accept my fate of him not growing old with me. This group has helped to bring comfort to me, because they too have/are experiencing what I am going through.
Just know that we all grieve diffeerently and whatever that you need to do to make it day to day, "do it"! Do not let others, who couldn't possibly understand what you are going through, dictate how you should grieve or for how long. This is your journey--our journey--and one day we will both get to a place where we can make stops along the way, and smile again about the beautiful memories we made with our husbands.
Sending you hugs and lots of prayers your way.
Of course you believed/hoped you could beat it - you were meant to be together, and you'd been through so much together, good and bad.
The health team for our chemo and radiology treatments were ever hopeful; it was the neurosurgeon who had told us point-blank to get our affairs in order, as he'd only bought us a few months. As tough as that was to swallow, it made my next decision easy: I took leave from work to be with her full-time throughout. She didn't want the kids to know the prognosis, but when she started slipping back from that 95% our two daughters told their brother to come home; he quit his job and drove 36 hours to be here the next day. The joy on her face to have us all home remains one of the brightest moments of this tragedy.
As frightening as the last days were, I knew it was time, as the previous few weeks were so hard on her: locked in a shell of herself unable to speak, move, or even keep her eyes open for more than a minute or so a couple times a day. Even when she couldn't speak or walk, and could barely raise her arms, her eyes remained wonderfully expressive and her slight gestures were so loving. Then even that flickered out. Shortly after she passed, a smile returned to her face - she let us know that she was okay. She was no longer our angel on earth, but she is still our angel.
So I'm certain that Bob remains your angel, too...
Dear Mary, I am so sorry for your loss. There is a "Comment" section to the main group where I post.
At 7 weeks, your world is likely upside down as you deal with the raw grief of loosing your spouse. My husband passed away on July 22 of last year. I am and likely always will be heartbroken, but I no longer feel overwhelmed. Looking back, I now believe that I remained in shock for at least the first 6 months.
Please post freely. This is an amazing group of people. I am blessed to know them. Debbie
Mary, You and I have a lot in common. My husband, Bob, and I were married 22 years and exactly 11 months. My husband also passed away suddenly. He had a seizure and was hospitalized for a week. He was released to rehab for physical therapy for a couple of weeks. 5 days later I asked him if I should spend the night with him. He said he was going to sleep and would see me in the morning. When I returned early the next morning, he was in trouble. He passed away 4 days later from multiple organ failure caused by toxic shock syndrome.His amazing medical team at a top hospital were unable to determine the cause of the infection. Despite extraordinary measures, they were not able to save him.
Like you, I wished with every morsel of my being that things were different. We were actively making plans. This was not on my radar. I now realize that I remained in shock for a long, long time. I cried all of the time, I hibernated, I tried to make sense of his sudden demise, I researched medical articles, I began to heal.
For a few weeks, I received phone calls and inquiries concerning my well being. Those stopped pretty quickly.
In order to move on, I began to narrow my focus to extremely short time periods. In the beginning, those segments were 15 minutes at a time. Eventually, I could plan a longer block of time. I can now plan a day or more. I still can't tell you what I will be doing next week. You just do whatever will help you get by.
Please try to be kind to yourself. This has been the best gift that I've allowed myself.
I am glad that you found this group. Please take care of you. Debbie