Mary...I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in January after 26 1/2 years of marriage. I miss him and cry for him every day. Don't worry about being strong for others, they have no idea what they are saying. There are no words to describe the pain we feel.
I was reading through some of the comments and saw you mention Mass General. This was my second home the past few years. I would kid about taking an apartment across the street because I was there so frequently. My husband too passed away there while on one of his stays. I see you're from Malden. I grew up in Stoneham and currently live in Tewksbury. If you ever want to get together with someone who actually knows how you feel, just let me know. As you see, you'll also find plenty of support here.
I grew up on Hancock St which is near the Dairy Dome so not too far from you.
Yes, there are many kind souls on this site. Without the support of others who know how I feel, I'm not sure I would have made it this far.
Hi Mary and welcome to the site that no one wants to be a member of but everyone who comes here benefits from. I lost my wife of 30 years almost 6 years ago and I still occasionally cry over her. Do not listen to be strong voices, they do not understand your pain. Do not deny your feelings and let them out. If your friends do not understand find some who do. The pain lessons with time but never totally goes away. There is a hole in your life that can never be filled. Grief is not so much something you get over as get through, one step at a time and one day at a time. Coming here was a good move. This site helped me more than counseling and grief groups (and I am a psychotherapist). The members here are all supportive and caring. You will get through this but it will not be easy. Again, do not worry about being strong, taking a breath after losing the love of your life takes enough strength as it is.
There is no reason to ever stop talking about him. Friends and family sometimes stop calling because they do not know what to say and know they can not make it better which makes them uncomfortable. Hang in there, you will get through this though it will not be a fun journey.
Deepest sympathies to you. You found one of the best places to go! There are so many wonderful"brothers & sister in-grief" here.
You are not alone! We know, we respect, we accept.
Let it out. The tears, the screams, the wails, the pain.
It sucks, it really does. There is strength in numbers, I personally don't know where I'd be without so many helpful people from here.
God bless, hugs and prayers to you!
So sorry Mary that you lost your husband seven weeks ago. My wife past away just a month ago. We were married 34 years. She meant the world to me. My life centered on her. Her love sustained me. Now with her gone, my heart is broken. I have several copies of my favorite photo of her placed around the house so that I can see the photo where ever I am. I talked to the photo, hoping she hears me. She had cancer that went into remission but came back a year later. She suffered terribly from the chemo treatment when she was first diagnosed. I know I should be glad that her suffering is ended, but I miss her so much. Right now I'm planning to stay in the house where we lived together, but I may decide eventually that I will have a better chance of healing if I move to a new place. The hardest time for me is in the morning. I just have to force myself to get up quickly and get out of the house, perhaps go to the gym or go out with a friend for breakfast. But alll I am doing is running away from the pain. I hope you have family and friends that will give you lots of support during your grief. Keep us posted on how you are doing.
Richard, I am sorry for the recent loss of your wife. Good for you for getting out in the morning. It is likely not possible to run away from the pain but going to the gym and having breakfast with a friend are positive steps.
If possible, try not to make any major decisions (like moving from your house) for a year. For whatever reason, a year is the recommended time from "experts". I am now at a year. I am still in my house. I've decided to stay here another year.
Geez - typing that last sentence brought up a lot of emotions. My husband and I, together and apart, were long term planners. This was something I took for granted. From an early age, my life was mapped out and I followed the plan and reached the goals with only slight deviations. I took planning the future for granted. I now recognize that planning was also a great blessing. For now, I will be grateful that I have decided to stay another year in my home.
Please take care of you as best you can. Debbie
I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife - one month is so fresh that I commend you for getting out at all, even if it just puts off the loneliness and pain for a brief spell. When I lost Larry in April of 2015 I was in the hospital, and upon my return here to an empty house I was physically unable to go anywhere without someone taking me. For weeks I was here hours on end with only my tears and sadness, and eventually would have probably gone mad had I not begun to get out through the compassion of a few people in my life who traveled great distances to bring their support and assistance - even a few relative strangers took me out to lunch or dinner as soon as I was able to do so.
I'm still here, and like Debbie didn't make any fast decisions despite the urging by a few to "move out and move on". They, of course, had never been in my position - which is why finding this place where I met others who do understand exactly what I'm going through has been a Godsend.
Sending you wishes for a peaceful day, and weekend - I truly hope you will find some comfort here with this family of supportive friends.