Lost my husband

Hi everyone, my name is Mary, I just joined, not sure how this works but trying to figure it out, I lost my husband, my world 7 weeks ago, iam trying to be strong as everyone keeps telling me but I don't feel very strong, hoping to talk with others who have been through this or going through this I am over whelmed and heartbroken, Thankyou all Mary

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Permalink Reply by Mary Clough on July 27, 2016 at 5:59pm

Thankyou Debbie,My Bob had gma tumor, seizures started soon after he was diagnosed, and died 10 weeks later, Bob was my everything we did everything together he was one of the kindest men I ever knew, the house is empty and I keep thinking he's going to come through the door and say hi baby how was work, I miss those words, Thankyou for the kind words already I feel better it helps to talk to people about Bob I don't want him to be forgotten. Mary

Permalink Reply by Sara Murphy on July 27, 2016 at 4:52pm

Mary...I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in January after 26 1/2 years of marriage. I miss him and cry for him every day. Don't worry about being strong for others, they have no idea what they are saying. There are no words to describe the pain we feel.

I was reading through some of the comments and saw you mention Mass General. This was my second home the past few years. I would kid about taking an apartment across the street because I was there so frequently. My husband too passed away there while on one of his stays. I see you're from Malden. I grew up in Stoneham and currently live in Tewksbury. If you ever want to get together with someone who actually knows how you feel, just let me know. As you see, you'll also find plenty of support here.

Sara

Permalink Reply by Mary Clough on July 27, 2016 at 5:06pm

You grew up in stoneham? So did I, I lived on Emerson st by the fire station. Everyone on here is so kind Thankyou mary

Permalink Reply by Sara Murphy on July 27, 2016 at 8:29pm

I grew up on Hancock St which is near the Dairy Dome so not too far from you.

Yes, there are many kind souls on this site. Without the support of others who know how I feel, I'm not sure I would have made it this far.

Permalink Reply by Chicago Beard on July 27, 2016 at 5:19pm

Hi Mary and welcome to the site that no one wants to be a member of but everyone who comes here benefits from. I lost my wife of 30 years almost 6 years ago and I still occasionally cry over her. Do not listen to be strong voices, they do not understand your pain. Do not deny your feelings and let them out. If your friends do not understand find some who do. The pain lessons with time but never totally goes away. There is a hole in your life that can never be filled. Grief is not so much something you get over as get through, one step at a time and one day at a time. Coming here was a good move. This site helped me more than counseling and grief groups (and I am a psychotherapist). The members here are all supportive and caring. You will get through this but it will not be easy. Again, do not worry about being strong, taking a breath after losing the love of your life takes enough strength as it is.

Permalink Reply by Mary Clough on July 27, 2016 at 5:26pm

Wow you all are so very kind, Thankyou sooo much, iam sorry for your loss also, I haven't gone to counseling, though some times I believe I might need it, I go to work everyday and then back home to the empty house, friends and family have stopped calling, they think I should be getting over it, hmmmm over 22 years in 7 weeks, it's just not going to happen I don't think I'll ever get over losing him, we thought we had many years to come, he was a good man and I miss him every second of the day, this group is fantastic it actually helps to talk about my Bob, I don't want to forget him, he made me happy. Mary

Permalink Reply by Chicago Beard on July 27, 2016 at 5:47pm

There is no reason to ever stop talking about him. Friends and family sometimes stop calling because they do not know what to say and know they can not make it better which makes them uncomfortable. Hang in there, you will get through this though it will not be a fun journey.

Permalink Reply by Todd B. Goodrich on July 27, 2016 at 5:21pm

Hello Mary,

Deepest sympathies to you. You found one of the best places to go! There are so many wonderful"brothers & sister in-grief" here.

You are not alone! We know, we respect, we accept.

Let it out. The tears, the screams, the wails, the pain.

It sucks, it really does. There is strength in numbers, I personally don't know where I'd be without so many helpful people from here.

God bless, hugs and prayers to you!

Todd

Permalink Reply by Richard Gordon on July 28, 2016 at 8:12pm

So sorry Mary that you lost your husband seven weeks ago. My wife past away just a month ago. We were married 34 years. She meant the world to me. My life centered on her. Her love sustained me. Now with her gone, my heart is broken. I have several copies of my favorite photo of her placed around the house so that I can see the photo where ever I am. I talked to the photo, hoping she hears me. She had cancer that went into remission but came back a year later. She suffered terribly from the chemo treatment when she was first diagnosed. I know I should be glad that her suffering is ended, but I miss her so much. Right now I'm planning to stay in the house where we lived together, but I may decide eventually that I will have a better chance of healing if I move to a new place. The hardest time for me is in the morning. I just have to force myself to get up quickly and get out of the house, perhaps go to the gym or go out with a friend for breakfast. But alll I am doing is running away from the pain. I hope you have family and friends that will give you lots of support during your grief. Keep us posted on how you are doing.

Permalink Reply by Deb S on July 29, 2016 at 5:05am

Richard, I am sorry for the recent loss of your wife. Good for you for getting out in the morning. It is likely not possible to run away from the pain but going to the gym and having breakfast with a friend are positive steps.

If possible, try not to make any major decisions (like moving from your house) for a year. For whatever reason, a year is the recommended time from "experts". I am now at a year. I am still in my house. I've decided to stay here another year.

Geez - typing that last sentence brought up a lot of emotions. My husband and I, together and apart, were long term planners. This was something I took for granted. From an early age, my life was mapped out and I followed the plan and reached the goals with only slight deviations. I took planning the future for granted. I now recognize that planning was also a great blessing. For now, I will be grateful that I have decided to stay another year in my home.

Please take care of you as best you can. Debbie

Permalink Reply by Charles E. Nelson on July 29, 2016 at 8:14am

Hello Richard,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife - one month is so fresh that I commend you for getting out at all, even if it just puts off the loneliness and pain for a brief spell. When I lost Larry in April of 2015 I was in the hospital, and upon my return here to an empty house I was physically unable to go anywhere without someone taking me. For weeks I was here hours on end with only my tears and sadness, and eventually would have probably gone mad had I not begun to get out through the compassion of a few people in my life who traveled great distances to bring their support and assistance - even a few relative strangers took me out to lunch or dinner as soon as I was able to do so.

I'm still here, and like Debbie didn't make any fast decisions despite the urging by a few to "move out and move on". They, of course, had never been in my position - which is why finding this place where I met others who do understand exactly what I'm going through has been a Godsend.

Sending you wishes for a peaceful day, and weekend - I truly hope you will find some comfort here with this family of supportive friends.

Love,

Chuck

Permalink Reply by Mary Clough on July 29, 2016 at 5:56pm

Dear Richard,iam sooo very sorry for the loss of your wife, 34 years wow, I thought losing Bob after 22 years was hard, Iam glad you get out, everyone says it's a good thing. I go to work everyday but I haven't gone out. Over the years I lost touch with friends around here, I went everywhere with Bob, never dreaming I would lose him so soon, I have twins, my daughter is in the Army and is now stationed in wis. she got married 2 years ago and they are expecting their first baby, her twin brother lives in New Orleans, when they call I pretend all is fine I don't want them to worry or stress, I like you talk to Bob all the time too, and have his pictures everywhere. I still sleep with his pillows, I haven't changed the pillow cases, because that was where he layed his head, I miss him soooo very much, I cry all the time at a drop of a hat, the pain in my heart is almost unbearable,so each day I go to work, and each night I cry myself to sleep, it's always been hard for me to talk about my feelings, but this site is wonderful, soooo many caring people, I hope this email finds u feeling a little better. But I know your not, take care Richard, and Thankyou for your kind words. Hope to hear from you all, this is the most I have talked about my Bob and it makes me smile, my prayers,and thoughts go out to you all. Mary