Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sara Murphy on November 2, 2016 at 8:28pm

Ethel,  I'm so sorry for the loss that brought you to our group.  I fully understand how you feel about the loss of your "everything".  I met my husband Ken when I was 20 years old.  I lost him on Jan 13th this year after being together for 30 years.  He was my entire life and now I'm stuck here alone waiting for my time to reunite with him.   He first got sick in July 2008 when he had a heart attack and triple bypass.  When we got through that, we were so grateful and happy for each day we were given but he then had one health crisis after another until God finally called him home.  I do wonder why we had to go through it all only for him to be taken away but I know there are no answers to our questions in this life so it has to wait until we transition to get the answers.

You'll find many supportive and uplifting souls on this site, certainly more uplifting than me.  I don't have it in me just yet but I'm trying to get there.  Without the support I've received from my Legacy family, I don't know where I'd be right now.  I hope you're able to find support here as well.

Wishing you peace tonight.

Sara

Permalink Reply by Trina Mamoon on November 3, 2016 at 2:24am

Hello Ethel,

I am very sorry for the loss of your husband, your soulmate, your rock. Nothing prepares us for the death of our beloved spouse. It is one of the most devastating and painful of all human experiences. You have come to the right place for support and encouragement. All of us here are only too familiar with loss, grief, pain, and heartbreak, and we are understanding and supportive of each other.

There's one thing that I wanted to respond to. My beloved husband Joseph died of lung cancer at age 49 on 4th August, 2014. One of the things that I take exception to is when people tell me that "there is a reason why Joseph died." I cannot abide by the thought that Joseph's life had to be cut short, sacrificed and my life had to be devastated and crushed so that someone else would benefit from it. What kind of justice or fairness is that? Kill someone (Joseph) and punish and torment someone until the end (me) so that something good will come of it? Very distorted idea of good and justice. 

I have become more caring and understanding after my tragedy, but if that was the purpose of Joseph's early death then I want to shout and cry and use profanity.

People who haven't lost their spouse don't understand that it's never a good thing to tell a grieving person that they lost their love one because God had a plan, there was a reason. It's a pretty horrible thing to say to a grieving widow. As Sara says, there are no answers to our questions. We'll have to wait until our time comes. I pray that my time to be reunited with Joseph comes soon. I pray for my life's journey to be over soon.

Sending you good thoughts and prayers for peace. May the good memories help you through this tragedy.

Hugs, Trina

Permalink Reply by Sara Murphy on November 3, 2016 at 9:15am

Trina,  I'm glad you said this about a horrible thing to say to a widow.  It's become intolerable to me the "stupid things" people say in an effort to help.  In the beginning I would just ignore it because the grief was overbearing and I didn't want to have any conversations.  I no longer ignore these things but will outright tell the person saying them why it's the wrong thing to say.   For instance, many people feel it's okay to say "well at least he's not suffering anymore",  My response now is that Ken was not asking God to end his suffering so if he still wanted to be here, then saying that is of no help to me.  I've decided I need to educate people because as we all know, unless you've experienced this loss personally, you don't know how it feels and you don't realize what you're saying is wrong.  If I can prevent someone from saying these things to the next widow, then maybe I've helped somebody.

Permalink Reply by Pamela J Gaines on November 3, 2016 at 2:25am

Ethel, It takes time. I heard this a million times and thought there was no way I would ever recover.  My husband passed Sept 2010. There is not a day that goes by where I do not long to talk to him or share things with him. But as time goes on I remember the good times we had and the pain has gone from constant to Birthdays, holidays and Beautiful days with snow or fall colors or the perfect rainbow. Cherish the time you had together. I believe he is still with you. There are times I still smell his aftershave. It brings me such peace. . Hold your children close and talk about the love you two shared.  I pray for you... For peace 

Permalink Reply by Deb S on November 4, 2016 at 7:32am

Ethel, I am so sorry to read about the loss of your dear husband. Your post rings true for me too. I share your thoughts and questions. Please know that you are in my prayers. Debbie

Permalink Reply by Harold McKinstry on November 4, 2016 at 9:56am

Ethel

Sorry for your loss, my Wife died January 29th, after thirteen years of Marriage. I drove my self crazy asking why, where is the reason. I wanted so much to find someone to blame, Doctors, myself, God. I couldn't accept that my Wife's death for no reason. I now believe there was no reason, no master plan bad things just happen, sucks to accept that but everything about Diane's death sucks. I'm sixty four and scares me to be without her, I was planning on spending the rest of my life with her. I stop myself when I look too far ahead to my future. Thanks posting I have found it helpful to hear other people's story, makes me relize I'm not alone as I feel.