Just about the time I think that I am getting positive and maybe I can live without Brad, with no warning I get the "meltdown", nothing special sets it off, It just happens.  I miss sharing my thoughts and my feelings with him, he was the only one I ever shared my deepest feelings with, I do talk to him, but its not the same when he would hug me and always say I Love You.  I miss my best friend and am so lonely without him here by my side. It's been 1 year and 22 days and it still hurts not to have him here with me. I thought I was doing better, but I guess not. This roller coaster ride is going to "do me in"! Thanks for "listening" everyone, I just had to vent. Bless you all for being my friends!

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Barb, I hear you. We are all getting these meltdowns from time to time. You said you thought you were doing better then you'd have a meltdown. I don't know about you, but my "meltdowns" used to be almost all the time but not so much any more. So to me that is progress, that is doing better. We will never be totally without our down times. we loved our husbands so that is to be expected. You are a survivor, I can just tell be all of our messages here and on facebook. I am also a survivor. And what better final gift can we give our husbands, than to be ok and survive this, because I know they would want this for us. Hang in there my friend. This will pass. Hugs to you.
barb: thank god i am not the only who is going thru this meltdown it started yesterday i was at work and all of a sudden i just started to cry. then to top that off i hear the song by celine dion because you love me which was played at the church where we had george mass. yesterday was also my sons birthday 35Years old. when i thought of how george and i use to call him and sing happy birthday that started me again. this morning someone at work started to talk to me about her losing her aunt that brought her us since she was a baby told her there is a difference between losing your relatives and then losing your soulmate it seems some people do not get it barb it would be 18mos sept.1, i am not looking forward to this day. its funny that everybody hurts so much others more than others take care
Barb,

What perfect timing. I think you are in my head today. Today is a meltdown day for me as well. I haven't had a major meltdown in quite some time. I really thought I had progressed passed the meltdowns. It has been 17 1/2 months for me and although I still cry (in the shower and in the car seem to be the only times I am alone to allow myself to cry) I haven't had a day like this in a long time. The ache is huge today, I miss him terribly. I'm not sure we will ever get off this roller coaster. We had the relationship that everyone envied; how I miss that. Just to hear "I love you " again would be so amazing. I know I was lucky to have him for the time I did and I would not have missed it for the world, but to lose him so suddenly still makes no sense to me. I'm not sure it ever will.

I hope your day gets better. My motto for everything bad is..."tomorrow is a new day"...hopefully we can start fresh tomorrow.

Take care and lots of hugs to you!
MARLENA: IT SEEMS THIS WEEK SOULD BE CALLED MELTDOWN WEEK I KNOW ME AND A FEW OTHERS ARE GOING THRU THIS WE WERE PROBABLY THINKING IT IS GETTING MAYBE A LITTLE BETTER BUT THEN IT HITS US LIKE A TON OF BRICKS. PRAYING IT WILL STOP SOON BUT I DOUBT IT VERY MUCH

Marlena said:
Barb,

What perfect timing. I think you are in my head today. Today is a meltdown day for me as well. I haven't had a major meltdown in quite some time. I really thought I had progressed passed the meltdowns. It has been 17 1/2 months for me and although I still cry (in the shower and in the car seem to be the only times I am alone to allow myself to cry) I haven't had a day like this in a long time. The ache is huge today, I miss him terribly. I'm not sure we will ever get off this roller coaster. We had the relationship that everyone envied; how I miss that. Just to hear "I love you " again would be so amazing. I know I was lucky to have him for the time I did and I would not have missed it for the world, but to lose him so suddenly still makes no sense to me. I'm not sure it ever will.

I hope your day gets better. My motto for everything bad is..."tomorrow is a new day"...hopefully we can start fresh tomorrow.

Take care and lots of hugs to you!
Kathy,
I'm not sure what's in the air...is it a full moon this week? These days are very draining. Hoping tomorrow is a better day for all of us.


kathy obiedzinski said:
MARLENA: IT SEEMS THIS WEEK SOULD BE CALLED MELTDOWN WEEK I KNOW ME AND A FEW OTHERS ARE GOING THRU THIS WE WERE PROBABLY THINKING IT IS GETTING MAYBE A LITTLE BETTER BUT THEN IT HITS US LIKE A TON OF BRICKS. PRAYING IT WILL STOP SOON BUT I DOUBT IT VERY MUCH

Marlena said:
Barb,

What perfect timing. I think you are in my head today. Today is a meltdown day for me as well. I haven't had a major meltdown in quite some time. I really thought I had progressed passed the meltdowns. It has been 17 1/2 months for me and although I still cry (in the shower and in the car seem to be the only times I am alone to allow myself to cry) I haven't had a day like this in a long time. The ache is huge today, I miss him terribly. I'm not sure we will ever get off this roller coaster. We had the relationship that everyone envied; how I miss that. Just to hear "I love you " again would be so amazing. I know I was lucky to have him for the time I did and I would not have missed it for the world, but to lose him so suddenly still makes no sense to me. I'm not sure it ever will.

I hope your day gets better. My motto for everything bad is..."tomorrow is a new day"...hopefully we can start fresh tomorrow.

Take care and lots of hugs to you!
Thanks everyone, I know I'm not alone in this. I just can't seem to get past this part. Some say you never get through it but it gets easier to deal with. Well, everytime I have a meltdown, it seems like my strength and positive attitude disappear. Then I start all over again. I know this is the final gift I can give to Brad as Mary said. I know I will survive because Brad taught me how to be a survivor, guess I just need a "pep talk" every so often! Today when I felt the meltdown coming I went out and started to pull weeds (I have lots of them), it seemed to ease my frustration some. I just kept pulling and pulling and pretty soon I stopped the crying and quit for awhile. I know what to do next time, because I have alot more weeds to pull! Thanks everyone, it maybe the full moon, but I know I'm not alone, I thank God for all my friends on here. You get me through the tough times, you are all my angels!

Marlena said:
Kathy,
I'm not sure what's in the air...is it a full moon this week? These days are very draining. Hoping tomorrow is a better day for all of us.


kathy obiedzinski said:
MARLENA: IT SEEMS THIS WEEK SOULD BE CALLED MELTDOWN WEEK I KNOW ME AND A FEW OTHERS ARE GOING THRU THIS WE WERE PROBABLY THINKING IT IS GETTING MAYBE A LITTLE BETTER BUT THEN IT HITS US LIKE A TON OF BRICKS. PRAYING IT WILL STOP SOON BUT I DOUBT IT VERY MUCH

Marlena said:
Barb,

What perfect timing. I think you are in my head today. Today is a meltdown day for me as well. I haven't had a major meltdown in quite some time. I really thought I had progressed passed the meltdowns. It has been 17 1/2 months for me and although I still cry (in the shower and in the car seem to be the only times I am alone to allow myself to cry) I haven't had a day like this in a long time. The ache is huge today, I miss him terribly. I'm not sure we will ever get off this roller coaster. We had the relationship that everyone envied; how I miss that. Just to hear "I love you " again would be so amazing. I know I was lucky to have him for the time I did and I would not have missed it for the world, but to lose him so suddenly still makes no sense to me. I'm not sure it ever will.

I hope your day gets better. My motto for everything bad is..."tomorrow is a new day"...hopefully we can start fresh tomorrow.

Take care and lots of hugs to you!
Hi Barb,

Sorry you are hurting today. I too, have sporatic meltdowns, sometimes over the littlest things. Maybe its a song on the radio, or I am going through a drawer looking for something, and find a picture of him etc. You are doing better or you wouldn't think you were, like you mentioned in your post above.
Does that make sense?
When my husband died on May 1, I cried all day long. After a couple of months about every third day I would have a dry day, and my daughter and I would celebrate it. Its still hurts every day for me, but I am finding somethings make me smile now instead of cry, because I know he is with me. I posted on facebook yesterday that I went shopping, I was feeling a little down yesterday, and being the beautiful day it was here, I went to our outside Mall. On the way to the mall which is 10 minuties away, I counted seven times that a butterfly flew past my windshield. Each time I would grin, because I know he was telling me he was with me. We discussed that fact before he died that several of my close relatives after they died, I wouldw see butterflies immediately afterwards or leaving the Funeral Home. He knows, I would know, what butterflies meant, especially seven of them in 10 minutes. So, keep strong Barb, know that he is with you everyday. It is so beautiful in Heaven, that our love ones I am sure, are only sad when they see we are. Have you ever read the book, " 90 Minutes In Heaven?" It was written by a Minister and it is a true story. It is awesome, it will give you a perspective of what heaven is like. Since I read the book, I am not afraid of dying, and realize the tears I shed are because I miss my husband, not because God took him away from me. He deserves the reward that he is now enjoying. Bless you Barb.....Nancy
Barb,I'm sorry about your day!I don't know what the triggers are but I guess we need these meltdowns for our own mental health..We get through them and they are cathartic.And then you won't have to weed for a while!!Take care.I hope you feel better soon!
barb, i truly believe you are one of the stronger people on this site. i have seen that you always seem to be very positive. you need to give yourself credit for this. i think meltdowns are very normal but i believe that you are strong enough to get through them. brad did an excellent job of teaching you how to be strong. i am positive you are making him proud.
Thanks Cindy, I'm really trying, I wouldn't have an ounce of strength if it wouldn't have been for Brad. As they tell me, "tomorrow's another day". See what happens then!
Love you, lots of hugs coming your way!

CINDY POWELL said:
barb, i truly believe you are one of the stronger people on this site. i have seen that you always seem to be very positive. you need to give yourself credit for this. i think meltdowns are very normal but i believe that you are strong enough to get through them. brad did an excellent job of teaching you how to be strong. i am positive you are making him proud.
Thanks Cindy, I'm really trying, I wouldn't have an ounce of strength if it wouldn't have been for Brad. As they tell me, "tomorrow's another day". See what happens then!
Love you, lots of hugs coming your way!

CINDY POWELL said:
barb, i truly believe you are one of the stronger people on this site. i have seen that you always seem to be very positive. you need to give yourself credit for this. i think meltdowns are very normal but i believe that you are strong enough to get through them. brad did an excellent job of teaching you how to be strong. i am positive you are making him proud.
This week is my meltdown for me and the children too, 6 month since he is not with.... and it is Summer time his favourite season. I feel like I take one little step forward and take two giants steps back. The thought that of the first anniversary since my Baby pa... drives me to insanity! I feel like a Ferrari, the car is going fast and the brakes do not work.

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