Just about the time I think that I am getting positive and maybe I can live without Brad, with no warning I get the "meltdown", nothing special sets it off, It just happens.  I miss sharing my thoughts and my feelings with him, he was the only one I ever shared my deepest feelings with, I do talk to him, but its not the same when he would hug me and always say I Love You.  I miss my best friend and am so lonely without him here by my side. It's been 1 year and 22 days and it still hurts not to have him here with me. I thought I was doing better, but I guess not. This roller coaster ride is going to "do me in"! Thanks for "listening" everyone, I just had to vent. Bless you all for being my friends!

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Steve, you are so right I worked in a nursing home for 11 yrs. and about 2-3 days before the full moon the patients would start acting up, boy they really went off, hitting, spitting, throwing food, and we would say ,must be a full moon coming lol. To see how the patients who usally were no problem be so bad, familys didn't beleive it till they seen it for themselves. It also effects the tide waters.
Randolph, I'm sorry to hear your having a bad day. HUGS, WE NEED A GOOD LAUGH

Randolph L. Schrader said:
Hi to all, today I am so "down" its unbelievable. I certainly am having a meltdown. Will we ever be the same ? Hugs to all. Hugs are good.
Steve,

It's good to see you here. I hope things are going well for you.

Steve Cain said:
Folks it is a full moon, working in a nursing home I can tell you that full moons impact people very profoundly. Barb, meltdowns are normal, they are part of the new life. Just learn to recognize the signs, give yourself some time and space to let loose, then go back to what you were doing.
Lot of weeds left, I think Brad keeps them coming so I have something to do when the meltdowns hit!

kathleen caylor said:
Are there any weeds left??
It's been 18 weeks and a day since I lost my Jim and my whole life's a total meltdown all the time. My pain is unrelenting and constant. I've been through this grief before. I lost my first husband, Gary a little less than 4 years ago and the grief nearly killed me. I don't think I can stand a minute more of grieving for my Jim, but I know there's a long road ahead. I am just so sad and selfish. Others who loved Jim are hurting too, but I cannot get past my own sorrow to reach out to them. I feel like such a bad person because of this. I want to be a better person. I want to help them or to help one of you here, but I haven't got any good left in me to give. What can I do to fix this flaw in me?
Liza, I'm sorry you are hurting so, we are in this life together and together we will survive. I lost Brad 1 year and 24 days ago and yes I'm still hurting, I miss him and all the time we spent together, I miss his smile and the way he would wink at me. He left very suddenly and unexpedetly. On the first anniversary of his passing I went to the cemetery at sunset which was our favorite time of the day. We would watch the sunset and make our plans for the following day. At that special sunset I realized that Brad gave me so much in our time together, he gave me strength, love and always wanted me to be happy. He didn't like me to be sad. So that night, I thought what greater gift can I give him to show my love for him than to try to have at least one positive day every so often. I asked him to help me once again, and he has. I've had some positive days, yes I've had my meltdowns, but I do feel his love and strength once again. I will never forget him or miss him and I wait for the day we will be together forever. Try this and see how it works for you, and at night before you go to bed, go outside and look for the brightest star and there Jim will be watching over you and smiling down at you. Hope you have a positive day and please know I'm here for you!
Hugs and Love,
Barb

Liza Smith said:
It's been 18 weeks and a day since I lost my Jim and my whole life's a total meltdown all the time. My pain is unrelenting and constant. I've been through this grief before. I lost my first husband, Gary a little less than 4 years ago and the grief nearly killed me. I don't think I can stand a minute more of grieving for my Jim, but I know there's a long road ahead. I am just so sad and selfish. Others who loved Jim are hurting too, but I cannot get past my own sorrow to reach out to them. I feel like such a bad person because of this. I want to be a better person. I want to help them or to help one of you here, but I haven't got any good left in me to give. What can I do to fix this flaw in me?
Thanks Barb. I will try this.

Barb said:
Liza, I'm sorry you are hurting so, we are in this life together and together we will survive. I lost Brad 1 year and 24 days ago and yes I'm still hurting, I miss him and all the time we spent together, I miss his smile and the way he would wink at me. He left very suddenly and unexpedetly. On the first anniversary of his passing I went to the cemetery at sunset which was our favorite time of the day. We would watch the sunset and make our plans for the following day. At that special sunset I realized that Brad gave me so much in our time together, he gave me strength, love and always wanted me to be happy. He didn't like me to be sad. So that night, I thought what greater gift can I give him to show my love for him than to try to have at least one positive day every so often. I asked him to help me once again, and he has. I've had some positive days, yes I've had my meltdowns, but I do feel his love and strength once again. I will never forget him or miss him and I wait for the day we will be together forever. Try this and see how it works for you, and at night before you go to bed, go outside and look for the brightest star and there Jim will be watching over you and smiling down at you. Hope you have a positive day and please know I'm here for you!
Hugs and Love,
Barb

Liza Smith said:
It's been 18 weeks and a day since I lost my Jim and my whole life's a total meltdown all the time. My pain is unrelenting and constant. I've been through this grief before. I lost my first husband, Gary a little less than 4 years ago and the grief nearly killed me. I don't think I can stand a minute more of grieving for my Jim, but I know there's a long road ahead. I am just so sad and selfish. Others who loved Jim are hurting too, but I cannot get past my own sorrow to reach out to them. I feel like such a bad person because of this. I want to be a better person. I want to help them or to help one of you here, but I haven't got any good left in me to give. What can I do to fix this flaw in me?
Julie,

I cannot say that it gets better. The hurting, the ache, and the missing our loves never ends, but eventually you will progress. The progress happens without you even being aware that is has...just one day you look at yourself differently and notice you've changed. Life becomes a little more bearable and somewhat manageable as time goes on. Of course, we all get to this point at a different pace. The manageablility also depends on the day. One day I think I have this whole new life figured out and then without warning, I'm feeling like I'm at the beginning and have to work my way back up.

You now have a new "family" to walk this journey with you. We are all here to help you and each other through the rough spots and to rejoice together during the littlest accomplishments.

I'm hope you are able to find some peace and comfort while you're here.


Julie said:
I just lost my husband 2 weeks ago and I can totally understand your pain. Please tell me it gets just a tiny bit better with time. I cry now because I too, miss having my soul mate here with me. I want him to be here when I get home from work. The three kisses we always gave each other when we said good bye. Just watching Survivor together. How can I watch it now. I miss him and right now the pain is almost not bearable. I don't want to die, but sometimes I just wonder if I could just see him, talk to him one more time. I feel your pain, and if I were religious, I would say I would pray for you. I so wish I had the faith. I envy people who believe in a better place and "being together someday". I hope someday my faith will come.
Take care of yourself and remember you are not alone. It may feel like it, I know I feel that way, but you are not and I am finding that I am not either. Julie S. East Tawas Michigan

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