Moving On

It has been 20 months since my beloved Keith died so suddenly and unexpectedly and since that fateful day, I seem to have spent all of my time just keeping busy donig stuff that is really not important but just helps to get me through the day.

Every day I ask myself ' What can I do to keep moving on?

Most days, I do not get an answer.

Since Keith died I have sold my big family home and moved to a one bedroom condo because I could not face living in that big house without him. Now I look at the walls of the new place and wonder if I made the right decision.

After 45 years together I am faced with this terrible feeling of loneliness. When I am ill there is no-one here to comfort me. I fear that I might fall and there will be no-one to pick me up. But above all, not having him here in the night to just touch and to just know that I am not alone hurts the most.

My family and friends think that I am doing very well but they only see what I want them to see.

They all wish that I would just get over it but that will never happen.

Love eternal cannot be denied.

How can I move on? I have done all of the things that the councellors and specialists recommend, but the fact is I am so lonely and miss my darling so desperately.

There have been many books written about death and grief but they do not begin to describe the terrible loneliness that happens to you when you lose your soulmate.

So for all of you who are suffering the dreadful pain of the loss of a spouse, have courage, allow yourself time to grieve, accept that your loved one is gone and try to move on.

Blssings

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Permalink Reply by Tom on August 24, 2010 at 2:16am

I like your post.
I don't like to think about my wifes death. It was just a small part of her life. It's the rest of her life, before me, and while with me that I think about all the time. All of that keeps me smiling, and able to go on day to day. It's too easy to be sad all the time, and I refuse to be doing that. I've taken my stand on that finally, and it seems to be working for me. Of course I miss Loni, and will always miss her. It's how I will miss Loni now that I will deal with. Many steps to get to this point, and none of them easy. I keep trying, and some things work. That's important to me, I know it's what Loni would be wanting me to do, and not just give up. Tom

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on August 25, 2010 at 7:40am

You're so right!I think the key word is "TRY".If you don't try,you will never move forward!I'm sorry but I'm losing patience for people that don't"TRY"!!!

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on August 25, 2010 at 9:27am

kathlee, I have to respond to your post about people not trying. Whats there to try, Obviously I guess I am 'cause I'm still here after 16 months. I'm old, have a bad back and heart, am broke and have an undependable car. LouAnns friends and family disappeared when she died. The only woman in my life of over 44 years is gone. I am "holding down the fort" as we always called it. Empty days and lonely nights and everything that I knew and had is gone now. Try ?.Then I guess I am not trying and you probably wont like me then. Hugs to you. Hugs are hug.

Permalink Reply by Connie on August 25, 2010 at 9:36am

Randolph, I can't understand how anyone would want to be in the state that some of us are at this time. I do "try" to feel better. I go out of the house as often as I can but it just doesn't help when you have to come back to reality. My family is always there for me but it is not my husband. He is what I miss and can't stand being without. I have a dependable car and I can manage to pay my bills but that doesn't replace Phil. I still cannot sleep in our bed because of the lonliness when I wake up in the morning and he is not there. I am sorry but I am TRYING but after 46 years with one person who was your life, it is not easy to pick up the pieces and go on with a new life. Maybe someday I will get to that point but it sure is not here now. I can understand what you feel because I and some others on this site are feeling the same. I am so happy for those people who have been able to go on. There may be differences in our lives that they just do not understand. Please don't lose patience with us that are not where you are just pray that someday we will be.

Permalink Reply by Connie on August 25, 2010 at 9:36am

Permalink Reply by Connie on August 25, 2010 at 9:41am

Margaret, I can understand the pain you are living with. I lost my husband of 46 years on November 9, 2009. I have read many, many of the books that have been written on grieving and what to expect and what you should do. Some were better than others but not a book, nor a counselor, nor family, can take the place of your spouse. When we are married we become one. When one of us passes, a major part of the other passes along with them. It is just so sad that we have to show our families how well we are managing. I know I would not want my girls to know just what I feel. I will be truly happy again when I am reunited with my husband. I do try to make the best of a bad situation but nothing replaces the lonliness and despair when I am here alone at night. I cannot sleep in our bed because he is not there when I wake up. I try to have courage but I just have not been able to accept the fact that he is gone. I will keep you in my prayers. May God Bless You.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on August 25, 2010 at 9:53am

randolph: first and most of all we are only as old as we feel. i to have a heart problem i have a pacemaker but that cannot stop me from doing what i have to do. like you since george passed it seems like it is me alone by no choice i do not see any of george family do not talk to them i really have my sons (2) and 2 sister one lives up state the other lives downstairs from me we really do not see each other i go home to a empty house where i feel is my safe haven because i could do what ever i want to randolph i know it is going to take a long time for me to get over this it is not they we are not trying you keep doing what you feel i cannot say you are not trying it is going to take some time: i was married for 35 years and beleive me they were the best years of my life i thought we will grow older together but i guess i was wrong hugs

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on August 25, 2010 at 11:16am

Well,Looks like I stirred up a hornets nest!Actually I was referring to my mother.As far as the love of our lives,Mine can NEVER be replaced either.Nor do i want to.I've been with my husband since I was 14,am now 61.So out to the pasture for me!!!But we are living,And I for one can't stand the overwhelming sadness.Am trying not to let it rule what's left of my life!And HUGS are GREAT!!!!

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on August 25, 2010 at 12:22pm

Hi to all, I didnt mean to come on like I did. I know that sometimes we will take things the wrong way and jump in. I know what we are going through and I know we will never be the same. The ONLY ones who try are us. It is too bad that most of us have no one but ourselves to continue on without our loved one. Only we understand that and have to comes to some kind of terms. Me, simply put, I died when LouAnn died. Of course she wants me to live and continue on. But, she also knew how I would be from her passing and alone. Just do what we can and wait for the results. It sure is a sad ending to a great life though. Hugs to all.Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on August 25, 2010 at 12:59pm

randolph sorry maybe i took it the wrong way on what you said. i was just trying to say that we all handle our hurt different we know we have to move on but it takes time: again i am sorry if i offended you or anyone else

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on August 25, 2010 at 1:32pm

Hi to all, No, I am not offended at anyone. I just misunderstood the "not trying" business that was posted. For it is only us who has to try. Hugs to all.Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on August 25, 2010 at 1:36pm

randolph i am glad i did not offend you again if i did i am very very very sorry i did not mean to do sometimes i type without thinking of what i am saying please again if i did please tell me and i will then watch i say hugs