Moving On

It has been 20 months since my beloved Keith died so suddenly and unexpectedly and since that fateful day, I seem to have spent all of my time just keeping busy donig stuff that is really not important but just helps to get me through the day.

Every day I ask myself ' What can I do to keep moving on?

Most days, I do not get an answer.

Since Keith died I have sold my big family home and moved to a one bedroom condo because I could not face living in that big house without him. Now I look at the walls of the new place and wonder if I made the right decision.

After 45 years together I am faced with this terrible feeling of loneliness. When I am ill there is no-one here to comfort me. I fear that I might fall and there will be no-one to pick me up. But above all, not having him here in the night to just touch and to just know that I am not alone hurts the most.

My family and friends think that I am doing very well but they only see what I want them to see.

They all wish that I would just get over it but that will never happen.

Love eternal cannot be denied.

How can I move on? I have done all of the things that the councellors and specialists recommend, but the fact is I am so lonely and miss my darling so desperately.

There have been many books written about death and grief but they do not begin to describe the terrible loneliness that happens to you when you lose your soulmate.

So for all of you who are suffering the dreadful pain of the loss of a spouse, have courage, allow yourself time to grieve, accept that your loved one is gone and try to move on.

Blssings

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Permalink Reply by bc on August 25, 2010 at 10:16pm

Margaret, you are never alone on here. Its good that you can try and remain positive and count your blessings and yes, the grief comes and will keep coming in waves. When we least expect it, it hits us, and doesn't that throw you off guard? I don't like it either but I keep thinking of Brad watching over me and giving me the strength I've had to keep going. We will never forget, our love will never go away, but I do believe that God and our loved ones will always be there when things get really bad and pull us through. Glad to see you on here, keep in touch. Are you on Facebook? I live in Wisconsin, where are you from? Hugs & love to you!
Barb

Margaret Clare Sanders said:

Thank you all for your insightful and caring replies to my post.
Sometimes just knowing that I am not alone out there helps a lot.
Most of the time, I do try to remain positive and count my many blessings but every now and then the grief hits me hard.
Since my move two months ago, I have been ill and then injured and so was feeling very vulnerable.
Grief comes in waves and one never knows when it will hit.
I wish you all loads of comfort and plenty of hugs on your journey.
Margaret

Permalink Reply by Margaret Clare Sanders on August 25, 2010 at 10:18pm

I have been reading all the responses to my original post and do not understand why people have become so angry. We all know that anger is a big part of grief but it is important that we do not get angry with one another at a time when we are all so vulnerable. So lets all try and remember that this site is here to help us all cope, not the let us all criticise one another. I reach ou twith understanding. We are all missing our loved ones and we all have different ways of expressing our loss.

Best regards
Margaret
mARAGRET

Connie said:

Thanks guys. I hope we can all get along now. We need each other so very much. In just a few hours I am going to be on my way to Florida to visit Donald Duck. Hope everyone is well when I return. All of you guys are really great and no matter what, we all need each other.

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on August 25, 2010 at 10:21pm

I'm not afraid to post, just to let you know I still think the way I do but despite it all, I'm changing whether I like it or not. I understand how you feel, Tom. I guess we all come on this site for different reasons. I have felt relief and peace because I share my deepest, darkest thoughts that I can't share anywhere else. Even on other grief sites and other widows in my grief meetings are living fulfilling lives. The only thing that really pisses me off is when someone tells me (and no one said it to me here, Yet anyway) that in time I will think and feel and do just like they do. I will love life and want to get through my deep sorrow and everything will be peaches and cream and rosy and I'll want to marry again. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That's for me to decide. I just come to this site to say how I really feel and what I think and I would only hope that everyone would want to share only what they want to say about how their own life is but I wouldn't tell anyone, Oh, you'll get better, or it takes time, or what happened to me will happen to you (and if I did I'm really sorry) I honestly hope, Tom that you will have the kind of life that you are striving for because I hear your pain through your anger. I would only hope every single person in the world, especially those of us who have lost the love of their life has found serenity somehow, in some way. I wish I could help. I don't know what I can say but may we all find our way.
Suzanne (I feel like deleting this but oh, what the hell.)

Permalink Reply by bc on August 25, 2010 at 10:26pm

I agree Virginia, there is no time line for this grief we are in. No one else can judge anyone else, and I've always felt a comfort on this site because everyone is suffering the greatest loss anyone can ever have. We all have our other problems along with losing our best friends and soulmates. I was one of those people, I lost Brad in August, the bank was foreclosing on my house two weeks before Christmas, they wouldn't even do a loan modification for me until I could sell it, then an angel came and bought it and insisted I stay here a year until I figure out what I am going to do. I still don't know where I will go or what I will do. Then my daughter lost her baby three days before Christmas and she lost so much blood that we came close to losing her also. Talk about bad things happening! But, Brad & God were with us and I am trying to draw my strength from them to go on and try to live my life, I know I will always be lonely, I will always miss my one love, but someday I will see him and he will tell me how proud he is of me, trying to survive.
Hope everyone has some positive moments. Sorry I went on about all of these things, but I had to get them out and I wanted others to know they aren't alone.
Hugs to everyone, hang in there!

Virginia said:

Hi All, Well I've read all the post this far and I'm going to add my 2 cents,most everyone here except the NEW ones, knows we each have our own personal stories and some are able to move thru the process faster then others, what I am having a problem with right now on this site is judgement, nobody has a right to judge or push their religen or their bible verses, on any of us here. When Mike,my husband, died I was able to pay my house off and pay to bury him, but when we loose a spouse you also loose their income and that really puts a hurting on the way you have to live expecially if you are disabled or too old to gain extra income. I see some have to sell their home, some sell because they want to because they can't live with the memories, each to their own. I am so greatfull that I am able to stay in our home that is now a house,I couldn't bare to live anywhere else that he wasn't there but thats just me. I understand what strugling mentally, and financely ( spelling ) I am trying to get a headstone on our graves and that is what I'm trying for now, things need fixed I'm in a one hunderd yr. old house, trying to do little things as i go but FOR WHAT why to leave it whom ever and they will do with it what they want when i'm gone. When you are disabled as I am and you are pretty much in the house 24/7 and you have nothing but time on your hands and mind. please tell me what is there to try for, at the end of the day we are all still alone and if that is how we want to stay then thats our choice. Lets just be able to voice our feelings and comfort each other if we choose. and encourage those who ask. hugs to all