My husband of 11 years killed himself on July 4th 2012 I have three children a son 10 a son 5 and a daughter 17months. I am so lost so scared so angry so sad so everything I don't even know right now. I needed to know I am not alone.........

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Dear Jessica, first  let me say how sorry I am that this has happened to you and your precious little family.  No one deserves this to happened to them.  I was so shocked when I read  your post I thought that I could not possible respond but then I thought differently.  You are not alone,  in the Bible Jesus said, "Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."  If you are a christian I know you can find great comfort in promises such as that.  Talking with people that are trained in helping people with needs such as yours will be very important to ensure that you basic needs can be met.  This website is a group of people that have lost their spouse and can help you  with encouragement, support, and suggestion.  When you are ready or when you have time you can read all of the posts written by members that will give you an idea of what to expect.  Someone is almost always on and ready to offer any help they can.  Right now you need to take care of your self and your family the best way you can.  I don't know if you have family around or any other particulars but please know that you are not alone. My prayers will be for you and your family as you face this most difficult road ahead that God will give the strength and the courage to do every that you can and at the end of the day He will give you peace and rest for you soul.  Janice

Jessica,

I am so very sorry this has happened to you & your children. I'm speechless- I wish I could just give you a big hug. Know that I will be praying that God gives you peace, strength & wisdom.

You are going to be ok. My brother commited suicide 12 yrs ago and my husband died of an accidental overdose 9 wks ago. sometimes I feel like I will die too but go slow, one minute at a time then 1 hr at a time then 1 day at a time love your children they are hurting too and you need to be there for them, it makes it double hard for you but you can do it go slow and know you have support here good luck and god be with you

You are not alone. I can not imagine what you must be feeling or what is going through your mind but I think the title you gave your post most definitely is an apt description. You will get through this but obviously it will not be fun or easy. The pain must be excruciating but yet with your children you do not have the luxury (and in a way it is a luxury) of dealing with those feelings. I truly feel for you and am doing my best to will you strength and energy. This is a great site to come and vent. Take advantage of it. Everyone here gives total support to each other. I will be thinking of and pulling for you.

I am SO sorry, I don't really know what to say, maybe, with such a horrific event, you could consider talking with a therapist, it may help, especially since you have young children, you could get ideas how to talk with them about it.  I have found comfort in this group, even though I am so raw inside.  Just know that feeling angry and scared is normal, I pray that you will find your way through it.  May God bless you and your family as you work your way through this.

I agree w/ Jan on the finding a therapist. Although Paul diedbof a heart attack, it was sudden & trgic to me. One of the 1st calls I made was to a therapist.

Dear Jessica ...

I am so very sorry for your loss and I know suicide is difficult to handle because it leaves you alone to wonder if you did anything wrong; why you didn't see signs of it, but, please don't blame yourself.  Of course you feel like your life is like a puzzle where the pieces are tossed in the air.  Everything is new to you right now; you are in shock; too many unanswered questions; pressure to keep going on because of your children.  I know at this point in your grieving there is not much I can say to ease your pain and it frustrates me so much. 

My husband Ernie (we were almost married 40 years) passed away from pancreatic cancer on April 27, 2011.  I still miss him a great deal, but time is beginning to heal.  I can still cry off and on and the loneliness is the worst part for most of us.  Ernie's brother took his own life at the age of 25 and it was extremely difficult for his parents; wife with one child and the rest of the family.  Most of us automatically blamed ourselves, but as time went by we began to realize we did the best we could do.  We also realized that no one was to blame.  When someone is depressed (especially men) they hold their feelings inside and the pressure builds and often the spouse and even family are not aware of that depression.  There simply are no signs to guide us when someone is determined to take their own life.  It is said that often before someone takes their life it is not always about giving things away; being moody or distant or secluding themselves from family and friends, but just before they take their own life they can often appear happy; sometimes joking or everything seems normal. It is because they feel some relief in the decision they have made. 

The pieces of your puzzle will eventually settle in time and meanwhile all of us are here to help you through the pain you feel and the loneliness.  For now dear, choose someone you trust to let out all of your emotions and do so.  Grieving comes in steps for all of us and some of us get over it more quickly than others.  I am still not over my Ernie, but determined to go on in his memory and do the very best I can. 

Hugs

Marcy

I am so where you are right now in your life! My husband committed suicide 11 mths ago and i also have 3 boys ages 16, 4, and 1 1/2! i am so confused, scared, sad, lost without him , traumatized because I found him and completely heart broken! I dont know how I am going to do this, but I can tell you everyday is hell for me! With my kids their are so many "first times", I am going crazy! yes i get help I see a therapist and a nurse but no medicine in this world can take away the pain my whole body feels! My brain is so tired of all the emotions i go through every day! you are not alone!

Jessica, I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through.  You are NOT alone, as you will see if you stay here with us.  There's really no words to say to help you at this time but we can try, just by lettin you know that those of us here DO understand.  I lost my husband Don on June 26...that morning i woke up as usual and he didn't.  I'm still living in a fog of grief & pain, but just being on here and reading the words of the people who understand has brought me comfort, I pray it will for you too, so that you can be there for your children.  Thinking of you and your family.



Faith Johnson said:

I agree w/ Jan on the finding a therapist. Although Paul diedbof a heart attack, it was sudden & trgic to me. One of the 1st calls I made was to a therapist.

Faith, are you still seeing the therapist?  Is it helping?  I started in a local grief support group last night, time will tell if it helps.  Most of what was said there, I've already read in here.  I hope for some relief from the pain.  Its only been 2-1/2 months since I lost Don, also of a heart attack, he just didn't wake up the morning of the 26th of June. It was so  incomprehensible, I still am barely functioning.  He had an appt. with his cardiologist that very day, I had tried to get him to call and go in a week earlier when he got some bad results from his kidney doctor, but he wouldn't.  I have guilt that somehow I should have made him go.



brenda ortiz said:

I am so where you are right now in your life! My husband committed suicide 11 mths ago and i also have 3 boys ages 16, 4, and 1 1/2! i am so confused, scared, sad, lost without him , traumatized because I found him and completely heart broken! I dont know how I am going to do this, but I can tell you everyday is hell for me! With my kids their are so many "first times", I am going crazy! yes i get help I see a therapist and a nurse but no medicine in this world can take away the pain my whole body feels! My brain is so tired of all the emotions i go through every day! you are not alone!

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