On April 21st, about three weeks ago, I lost my lover, best friend, and companion of 25 years. She had cancer and had started chemo which was supposed to give her a few more years, but into the second week of treatment the dose was increased and she died three days later from the medication. It made her weaker and weaker until I finally decided to call 911, but it was too late and she died holding my hand, shortly after the paramedics arrived. I had no idea the medication would kill her, after all, it was supposed to help her live longer. Since then I have been devastated, we were always together and shared everything. It's as though my reason for living has been taken from me. I've never experienced such pain and sorrow. I'll see or hear something that reminds me of our life together and then find myself sobbing and in tears - as I am now. I miss her so very much. What am I to do without her?

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Thank you all for your sinsere and caring responses. It really does help to know that there are others who understand the depth and severity of the grief associated with losing a life mate. Never before have I  experienced, nor could I ever have imagined a pain more agonizing and emotionally devestating as this. But I know now that I will persevere and continue on because I have all of you to help me through.

Hi Chris ...  How are you doing?  We are here for you and you are part of our extended family; we know exactly how you feel.  There are no wise words to tell you, but I do honestly know how you feel.  Shortly after Ernie passed away I basically slept a lot to escape the heart-rendering pain of losing him and little by little I began to get my strength back and try to go with the grief.  Whatever problems you have please let us know because all of us can relate to you and hopefully give you some comfort.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS JOURNEY OF GRIEF! 

You may want to go to grief counseling either 'group' or 'one-on-one' to help you.  It helps some people and I did go myself, but to be honest found the angels on this forum more understanding and knew exactly what I was going through.  Do please, just keep posting and keep in contact with us or, if you are having a particularly bad day read some of the posts because they do help. 

Big hug


Life goes on around you. Yet you seem to stand still. Most people in my life say you're doing great. It's all a facade. I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me and not fit in. Yes, it has been eight months since I lost my husband, my Jack, but there is a hole in my heart that will never heal. Yes, there is a soul mate, a life partner that completes you. I was blessed to have Jack in my life for twenty years and I celebrate that time that we had. 

Hello Joanne, and welcome. You have come to a good place here. I am sorry if no one responded yet...sometimes a new person will post somewhere we don,t all see it..otherwise you would have received many many responses...go to Bereved Spouses, and you will. Find all the many posts and the others, like me who share your grief. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of almost 50 years, 18 months ago..and I understand what you are feeling...and no, the hole never goes away...but it does get a tiny bit better with time.
There is support here like no where else...it took me a lot longer to find my way here...we understand everything you are going through...my name is Mary Jane...and please now that you are here, I hope you will stay. Welcome, my friend.

hi Chris, I just noticed that you wrote your post on the day after my husband died, so we are both new at this, its very hard and my hubby passed after having had a stroke in January that he was getting better from with only his speech and swallowing affected, so it was devastating when he ended up in the hospital and could no longer swallow his own saliva and there was nothing they could do so I brought him home on hospice and he died the next day, still trying to figure out how this even happened. I hope you have a good support system to help you thru this . This group seems like a very caring group of people bonded by the loss of a spouse so maybe we can all help each other heal,     Debby

Dear Chris,
I just want to provide you with emotional and spiritual comfort. My heart really goes out to you. Losing someone you love will never feel right, no matter how common it is. You need time to heal. While you're healing, I want to bring you comfort. One of the main comforts, I have to share is that you will see your love one again. Whether, you are unfamiliar with the Bible or know about it, it offers promises to mankind that many people are not aware of. If you have your Bible, You'll see at Isaiah 26:19 states that "Thy dead shall live... and the earth shall cast forth the dead." How can we know that it would be right here on earth? Acts 24:15 states "there shall be a resurrection of the dead, both of the just and the unjust." Seeing that unjust ones will be resurrected, this can't be taking place in heaven. Lastly, I want you to know that this is not God's plan;  for us to die and just be resurrected. He views it as an enemy and soon will do away with it. 1 Cor. 15:26 states " The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death." I hope to hear from you soon. Thank you for reading.

Hi Chris, I just wanted to see how you were doing, we both lost spouses about the same time frame. I hope you are doing a little better , Right now it seems like it is getting harder as I think reality is starting to hit, so wanted to see if you are feeling the same way. take care   Debbie


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