I joined this a few months ago and I wanted to post this discussion to get some advice/support.
My husband passed away 5 months ago in March very suddenly. He just turned 31, I had just turned 30 (birthdays one day apart from each other). We were on vacation and I found him, already passed away in the morning. He died of cardiac arrest due to atherosclerosis (at age 31?!). Anyway, as you can imagine, it's been a terrible, traumatic experience. I am widowed at 30. Oh, and we didn't even make it to our one-year anniversary (although we were together for 10).
One thing I am finding with myself, in addition to my grief, crying, depression, debilitating anxiety, etc. is that I am chronically fatigued all the damn time. I have days where I have more energy than others, but most days all I want to do is lay on the couch, or in bed and watch TV. I force myself to stay active somewhat by walking a lot, gardening, doing things to soothe my soul, etc. but I am just so tired. Socializing is extremely difficult. Of course, at night, I don't sleep well at all. I wake every 2 hours, restless dreams, etc. so I am sure my body is just trying to heal from all the trauma its been through and catch up on sleep. My therapist also assures me its normal for me to feel so tired and fragile due to what I've been through. I guess I just never thought after 5 months I would still be so unbelievably tired all the time. I used to work full-time, but now I am a full-time grad student and took the summer off to heal. Oh, and my work also had to cut my position (and others) due to funding like 2 months after he died. I had been working there for 7 years. There went another major part of my life and identity.
Today is one of those tired days. I feel sleeping pill-level tired today. My friend described it perfectly when he said, "Yeah, when you are grieving its like you are hungover 24/7." On point.
Anyway, I just wanted to see if anyone else experienced crazy exhaustion most of the time in the months following the death of their loved one. I apologize, I am not trying to have a "pity party" on here but I figured I'd just unload a little on my quest for advice. I am probably going to go to the doctor/psychiatrist soon and see if I need to be on meds or something. I don't know. I just hate feeling this way. Any advice or whatever would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you everyone!
Thank you for sharing that with me. That gives me hope. I also do a lot of waking and I am not in a place where I can work full-time but it sounds like in time I will get there as you did. I haven't been very active on her up until this point but it sounds like I should be as support groups are instrumental to the healing process. I will say it's so comforting to talk to people who are going through the same thing. Thank you for your wonderful support and advice. <3
That is terrible. Sounds basically exactly like my situation. I am so sorry that you went through that. Did you experience any PTSD stuff about finding him? I continue to have nightmares and panic attacks when I think about that morning, but they are getting much better with therapy.
Hi Kaela, I too am new to this group, my 1sr husband passed when I was 31, he was 36, I never went thru being tired but from what Ive read its normal and it will pass, when I don't know, I guess I was lucky that I had 3 little girls I had to care for so they kept me going and got me motivated. I have now lost my 2nd husband inn May and while I'm not tired I cant get motivated to do anything so maybe along the same lines you are dealing with, maybe meds could help. it sounds like you are very depressed. hope it gets easier for you, debby
Thank you Deborah. That is so terrible to lose 2 husbands. I admire you for being able to stand upright and are still having the courage to move forward despite tremendous loss. That is so comforting to me.
Hi Mary Jane,
Thank you so much for validating the way I feel. I did not get tired spells to this extent before this happened. I'd get the normal, tired after a long day at work on my feet all day (preschool teacher) tired, but nothing like this. After I go to this psychiatrist I'll go to the doctor In October and get some blood work done. I did get epstein Barr virus when I was little and I also had mono. Does epstein barr stay in your system for years? hmm
I am sorry you are dealing with that. Thanks for the welcome :-)
Hmmm, that definitely sounds like something to keep and mind and get tested for should my fatigue not improve with meds and more time to grieve. I have had low grade fevers like that several times throughout these 6 months. It is also interesting you mention the heat, because my therapist was saying mental health and stuff in general is triggered by heat. It was basically been hot since Brian had died. He died in March and it's essentially been in the 90s and 100s every single day since May up until the last week. And I feel a lot better this week. Also, when you are having one of your episodes do you feel dizzy or light headed? I get that when I am having my episodes but I also attribute that to the panic attacks. It sucks. I am not able to sleep that much in one go but when I was working after a stressful day I would fall asleep by 7 and sleep through the night.
I just wanted to give you emotional and spiritual comfort. My heart really goes out to you. Losing someone you love is not something you can just wake up the next day and be okay about. You need time to heal. While you're healing, I want to bring you comfort and hope that helped me. The main one I have to share is that you will see your love one again. Whether, you are unfamiliar with the Bible or know about it, it offers promises to mankind that many people are not aware of. If you have your Bible, You'll see at Isaiah 26:19 states that "Thy dead shall live... and the earth shall cast forth the dead." How can we know that it would be right here on earth? Acts 24:15 states "there shall be a resurrection of the dead, both of the just and the unjust." Seeing that unjust ones will be resurrected, this can't be taking place in heaven. Lastly, I want you to know that this is not God's plan; for us to die and just be resurrected. He views it as an enemy and soon will do away with it. 1 Cor. 15:26 states " The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death." I hope to hear from you soon. Thank you for reading.