Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by C Roundtree on April 8, 2013 at 11:13am

Hello Tammy and other widows

I am so sorry about your loss and would love to be your friend.  I too am stuggling with my husband's sudden death. He was a special kind of guy.  He loved people and he loved his family. We would spend many days outside talking under the oak tree of our visions and goals.  We had so much we wanted to do together.  Each day I give God thanks that Alphonso is in his divine presence watching over me.  I still feel the love we will always have for each other.  About a year or so again, Alphonso and I were riding our bicycles.  it was a beautiful morning.  Out of no where a driver ranned the stop sign and hit us.  I was pinned under the car, and Alphonso,was still able to step over me. The driver never stopped and Alphonso injuries, we would later learn was more serious than mine.  He ended up in the hospital ICU. He came out and we enjoyed another year together as he continued to recover.  However, recently, he was sitting down and passed out for a couple minutes. The paramedics came and he was taken to the hospital.  Little did I know that would be last time I would see Alphonso alive again.  God knows it was shocking, hurtful, painful and unbearable.  It is God's peace that is keeping me. I am resting with the fact that Alphonso is in peace and tranquility, and I know he would want me to be the same.  Be encouraged. I know your pain and I know your hurt. When the pain comes so bad that you cannot bear it, immediately get up and trick your mind to do something, like listen to a radio station, or tv program or just start writing how you feel in a journal. Your experiences and pain will help someone else bear there hurt and make you just a little bit more stronger.  I here your cry and it touched me so, that I had to write this.

(Hugs)

Connie

 

 

Permalink Reply by paula on April 8, 2013 at 11:18am

Hi Tammy

Welcome to the club that none of us wanted to belong to.  Like you I lost my husband suddenly on Christmas Night, he completed suicide. Like you at times I cannot explain the horrible feelings that I experience, the aching void, the anxiety and extreme depression .Like you it is still to new and our feelings are still raw .Everyone here says it gets better I don't believe it will right now but I trust it will if that makes any sense.  I struggle with the nights and weekends I usually have no energy to do anything but work.  I sought out some medical help and am involved in grief groups, counseling, supportive friends and yet nothing seems to help.  I will say I have had some better days but every time I fee lbetter something happens that brings me right back to my despair.  Keep reading and posting there is a lot of wisdom here but be prepared for the ride of your life.

 

We are all here for you

Paula

Permalink Reply by Tammy Amick on April 8, 2013 at 11:36am

Paula,

Thank you.  I have been involved in a support group, but it doesn't reconvene until August.  It was helpful in that I know what I am feeling does not mean I am crazy.  The hard part is functioning everyday, especially at work when I feel like an actor, because I am a nurse I am not to show personal emotion.  This would put undue strain on patients, I understand that, the problem is patients come in and complain about the most trivial incidents; and at the same time I'm thinking it took 10 minutes for coffee so what!  But I am working on this feeling of anger that emerges in these situations, as I have learned it is part of the grief process.  By then way I do not respond to my feelings of anger toward patients I STUFF It in and smile.

Thank you for your response

Permalink Reply by nate eustis on April 8, 2013 at 11:59am

Tammy, my condolences for your loss. I lost my wife of 34 yrs after a 4 yr battle with lung cancer. She did not smoke. Like U I work, read healing books, go to bereavement group, joined Gilda's Club and ride the grief wave when it hits. It will be 5 months April 14th. I think grief
Bursts will continue for my life. My world revolved around MyMaria. I will keep U in my prayers. You will find very good people here.

Permalink Reply by Frank Andrews on April 8, 2013 at 12:18pm

Tammy,

  Like you, I met my wife when she was 16 and lost her Aug. 28th at the Cleveland Clinic from a surgical infection. We were together for over 40 years and the joy of life has gone. No one understands the grief of losing a spouse unless they have experienced it. My sons really do not understand what I am going through and I can't blame them. When my parents passed I grieved deeply for a year or so and then moved on with life....of course my beloved wife was by my side to get me through it all. I still do not sleep and wake up each morning with that heavy, nauseated feeling in the pit of my stomach when I realize that she is not here.

 This forum has many good people and you can vent all you want to and they understand...more so than most grief counselors. It will help to visit on your dark days.  Hugs.

Permalink Reply by Janice F. on April 8, 2013 at 12:40pm

I'm sorry, Tammy, so sorry.  We, here know and understand how you are feeling.  I lost my best friend & soulmate on June 26, 2012, 9 months ago.  Don & I were together 39 years.  I'm still just a lost soul in this world, even though I have a loving and supportive family.  Sometimes I think they just don't know what to do with me, but they try...they all loved and miss him too,  but its not the same deep pain.  All I can say is you will manage to keep going, even if you think you can't.  I'm thinking of you, wishing you peace.

Permalink Reply by Susan on April 8, 2013 at 2:09pm

Grief moves like a glacier.  I am 6 1/2 years down the road from my husband's passing and I don't feel much better.  My tears are never ending. We met in high school and were together for over 35 years.   Every wish I ever made, on a star, on a wishbone, on a birthday cake, on a penny in a fountain - was that we would be together forever.  I never thought I would be retired and alone.  I volunteer and enjoy the company of friends.  I entertain and go out.  Nothing is much fun though.  When I am filled with joy at the beauty of nature or by a wonderful performance I am overcome with the boo hoos.   I know that I am so lucky to have experienced a most perfect love.  Now life will be mediocre..till the end, I guess.  

Permalink Reply by Tammy Amick on April 8, 2013 at 11:02pm

Thank you everyone for your support.  This is the most difficult journey I will ever face.  You insight and stories are defiantly going to be a great help to me.

Tammy

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on April 9, 2013 at 3:21am

Hi Tammy ... My condolences on the loss of your beloved husband.  I am so sorry you have to join us, but there are many wonderful people here (extended family) who understand how you feel.  You can vent about your feelings without being judged as well as knowing others feel the same pain you do.

My husband passed away April 27, 2011 of pancreatic cancer at the age of 65.  We had known each other 45 years; married almost 40 years and unfortunately couldn't have children.  He was a wonderful man and as soon as we met we knew we were meant for each other.  Even now there is not a day I don't think of him (talk to him out loud in my home or even sometimes in the car.)  The tears still flow although not as much as the first year. 

That empty alone feeling is difficult for many of us.  I am so sorry to hear your children don't live close to you.  Being employed does help a little and better than spending hours in your home alone like some of us do, but still, work can be difficult while grieving.  I keep as busy as I can and will be volunteering trying to take as much of my time up as possible. Still, coming home is the loneliest part of grief.  While going through the tidal wave of grief it doesn't matter how much support one has because we feel alone in a roomful of people.  We want so much to have our spouse next to us or just talk to them about our day. I do believe when our spouses pass away they take half our heart and soul with them. 

There are no soothing words to take the pain of grief from any of us, but there is support here and knowing others are going through heartbreak and loneliness does help many of us and we don't feel so alone. 

Each person goes through their own grief in their own time and there is no time limit on grief.  It can blind-side you when you start to feel for even a few hours that you are finally getting over the worst of the grief. 

I hope you keep coming back Tammy and join this extended family here so we can help in any way possible.

 

Marcy

Permalink Reply by Charley Solyom on May 6, 2013 at 10:56am

Tammy, get close to God. He loves you, and though you don't understand it , has a plan that isn't ours. Trust Him, pray and read the Bible. Praise Him and thank Him, for his timing is perfect, and I know he has a wonderful plan for you, even though it doesn't feel like it. I lost my wife 4 weeks ago, and I want to be with her, and I know when my time comes, I'll join her. Keep the faith, let it out, and remember that Jesus loves you and is there to take you in His arms. Charley