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Lost my life partner 1-26-2012. They said he had a massive heart attack on 1-20-2012. On that Friday approx 6 a.m. I was woken to a thump. He was at the end of our bed between it and the dresser. We have 2 children, our son who gave us our 1st grand child on 11-30-2012 is 27 and our daughter who is in college, 3 hours away is 21. That morning our daughter was home and heard me calling his name. She immediately called 911 and started CPR. Between her and myself we did so approx 15 minutes until the 1st responder got there. Since he was a organ and tissue donor we didn't have a autopsy done. We didn't want to compromise that. I at this time have not received the certificate. He was a awesome husband, father, son, son in law, etc... My mother had been leaving with us for almost 9 months, we lost my dad 2 years ago and on 2-12-2012 my mother,daughter and I were on our way to visit his grave site and my mother who was 81, with mid stage Alzheimer's went into cardiac arrest and we laid her to rest 2-15-2012. Tonight is the first night I have been home alone since my sweet husband was laid to rest. Tonight is so far the hardest I have had.
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Permalink Reply by CaliforniaDreamer on February 18, 2012 at 9:54pm

Becky, I'm so sorry you had to join our sad little club here, the one that no one wants to join. This is all so new to you. In many ways you are still in the shock that it happened phase and may not have fully processed where you are, yet. For many of us it was months before the reality started to set in. You'll find people here in all different stages of their grief, but we all share the same reason for belonging to this site. Hugs, we all can use more Hugs and here's another cyber hug for you. We will all get through this and will help as each is able.

Permalink Reply by B. Robertson on February 19, 2012 at 8:41am

Becky, I too am new to this group. My husband died in my arms when he fell backwards on the porch. We had gotten back from open heart surgery on Tues. and he died Sunday. He was gone before I could do anything and he had been doing fine. Aurora called after the fact and wanted tissue and his corneas and I am a true believer and organ donor my self but his beautiful blue eyes were his most amazing thing and I somehow couldn't do it. I was still in shock and was taking him to his Mom for a funeral so I just couldn't do it. I am sorry for your losses, being alone is the worst part. My son is here trying to help but he doesn't understand what I am missing as a wife and he is grieving the best step dad and only father figure he ever had also. Charlie was the story teller and jokester in the house and now we just sit and look at each other and are a sad bunch. It is like being in prison all the time and no way out. I go thru the motions of life but I feel like a time traveler watching everyone else enjoy their lives and I am just observing. I don't have any answers for any of it but at least here I can pour my heart out without everyone suggesting I need an anti depressant or saying it will get better. Better compared to what??

Permalink Reply by debra l. johnson on February 19, 2012 at 1:55pm

Iam So very sorry for your loss of So Many wonderful people so close together! I do not think I could be as strong as you are! My Thought's & Prayer's are with you tonight

Permalink Reply by B. Walker on February 19, 2012 at 3:58pm

Thank each and everyone of you. I was scared to join and post but after reading other's post and the understanding from other's. I decided God brought me to this site for a reason. B.Robertson, you and my husband sounds so much alike. My husband too was the story teller and jokester. He had this laugh that when you heard it you knew it was Vince.

Permalink Reply by Shannon on February 19, 2012 at 4:30pm

I am so very sorry that you had to join this group, I also lost my husband to a massive heart attack at 39 on Jan 1st 2012, I started dating him when I was 15 he is all I have ever knew and will know. I know what you mean about just staring even though Mike wasnt a loud person but just his presence in the house was known, the house is so quite I have a 17 year old and when his friends come over I just listen to all the laughter and the noise which before Mike died I would get irriated from them being so loud now I find myself at the store buying food I know they like so they will stay longer.. He has some really great friends helping him through this.. Mike was my only friend I never hung around anyone but him so for me its alot harder.

May hugs your way and I pray for you to find peace.

Permalink Reply by B. Walker on February 19, 2012 at 4:36pm

Shannon, I'm so sorry about your loss also. I meet my husband when I was 15 also. I was 18 and him 20 when we married in 84. I to have never knew and will ever know also. I'm so thankful my daughter can and will come home this summer to stay with me and our son and grand daughter only live 5 min's away.

Permalink Reply by Julie Stearns on February 19, 2012 at 5:34pm

B. I a so sorry. My mind is still trying to wrap around that much loss in sucha short time. I am glad you found this site, theyare some of the most amazing people I have met. and will be there for your when youjust cannot draw another breath. God bless and many hugs .

Permalink Reply by B. Robertson on February 19, 2012 at 8:54pm

Charlie never met a stranger! He would talk to you whether you wanted him to or not. Always trying to be helpful and truly interested in what people had to say. He had a story for everything. He once buried eggs in the garden next to the potato plants and then had his little nephews and nieces dig them up. They went to school and told everyone that eggs came from the ground and they had seen it with their own eyes!! The teacher called their mother asking what was going on and she was so mad at my husband!! He made anything he took a mind to building. He made a chopper bike for the kids of his relatives by turning the front wheel around. He made a real Conestoga wagon for a man and his wife that went on the Bicentennial trek across the U.S. The man was 6 ft tall and so Charlie had to design it for him to stand up in. He made everything on it except the wheels which he had the Mennonites do. He was written up in the paper for that. He built his own shop and wood shed and my chicken house and dovery. All I had to do was draw him a picture and he would go to figuring how to do it. He should have been an engineer but never finished high school. He was constantly being pulled out of school by his Dad to go to work in the woods and do logging until he told them he wasn't going back, it was too hard to catch up on his studys. He loved school but he loved his family more.

His Dad had had mini strokes and needed his help, there were seven children in his family. He bought groceries for them with the money he earned. He always worked. He got into heavy construction and loved it. He had to quit when he had his first heart attack. That is when I met him and we married. We had 18 wonderful years together. We were so poor at first, both had just come out of a horrible marriage and then my house burnt to the ground, the following yr. of his heart attack. I started teaching after being a medical technologist at the hospital for 6 yrs. and then a girl rear ended me and totaled my van, which was all I had. We had three yrs. of hell trying to dig our way out of it all. He ripped a dollar bill in half and gave me one half to keep and he kept one half and said we would never be broke as long as we each had the other half. I was rummaging around in my purse the other day and I found my half way in the bottom, where it shouldn't have been. I just broke down because deep down I hope he is trying to tell me it will be ok. I had put his wallet up and I went and looked and he still had his half in it too.

B. Walker said:

Thank each and everyone of you. I was scared to join and post but after reading other's post and the understanding from other's. I decided God brought me to this site for a reason. B.Robertson, you and my husband sounds so much alike. My husband too was the story teller and jokester. He had this laugh that when you heard it you knew it was Vince.

Permalink Reply by B. Walker on February 19, 2012 at 11:00pm

Vince was a high school graduate. He was Jack of all things. He loved speed and enjoyed helping our son put together a S-10 truck and keeping it fast to drag race on asphalt tracks. He has a bass boat he loved to Bass fish and compete in tournaments but he loved running it at 90 MPH. He also had a side by side 4 wheeler he also made faster. He also never meet a stranger and was always there when anyone needed his advice. We had just spent 4 months remodeling our 21 yr old home and he was so proud. We had play dates all the time. Most of the time we spent weekends and nights cooking on the grill and just hanging out on our back deck. Back in 87 he became a 3rd owner of a Indutrial Electric Motor Repair business with 2 of his family members. He was the one who called on customer's and made our co. Pros pure, just because everyone liked him as a person because he made you feel important and a friend.

Permalink Reply by B. Robertson on February 20, 2012 at 6:38pm

He sounded like a wonderful guy, my husband and him would have gotten along fine. Charlie wanted to go to the tiller races and so we went to the Purple Hull pea festival and watched these modified tillers race to the other end of a plowed field. We laughed at how fast the winner had to run behind it. They had funny speed names painted on the sides of them. We went to Louisiana and he got to ride an air boat in the swamp that was 500 hp and we just skipped along like we were riding on air. He loved it.

I have had a bad day today, thinking of him and missing him at work. I have a couple of co workers that are near me that kept on and on about the most inane conversations all day long. I wanted to scream at them for being so happy and talking about stupid things but of course I didn't. It was like nails on a blackboard to my nerves all day long tho. I am glad I am home again.

B. Walker said:

Vince was a high school graduate. He was Jack of all things. He loved speed and enjoyed helping our son put together a S-10 truck and keeping it fast to drag race on asphalt tracks. He has a bass boat he loved to Bass fish and compete in tournaments but he loved running it at 90 MPH. He also had a side by side 4 wheeler he also made faster. He also never meet a stranger and was always there when anyone needed his advice. We had just spent 4 months remodeling our 21 yr old home and he was so proud. We had play dates all the time. Most of the time we spent weekends and nights cooking on the grill and just hanging out on our back deck. Back in 87 he became a 3rd owner of a Indutrial Electric Motor Repair business with 2 of his family members. He was the one who called on customer's and made our co. Pros pure, just because everyone liked him as a person because he made you feel important and a friend.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on February 21, 2012 at 6:44am

omg this is like living my life over again the same thing happend to my husband george he had a massive heart attack and i was in bed when i also heard a thump i found him kneeling againt his computer center face down it will be 3 years 3/1/12 i wanted a autopsy but they would not do it because he die of natual causes. i was by myself when this happened but i told him i loved him and he told me the same before he passed. will called the emergency number at 11:57pm the medics came worked on him but could not survive him by the time they got him to the hospital was 12:43 and he was pronounce dead at 12:46am he was already dead the minute he fell take it east and stay on this site it will help you

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on February 21, 2012 at 6:46am

the above messege is for b. walker comment