Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Christy on April 15, 2011 at 12:20am

 

I do talk to him out loud.  I'm reading a book "we are their heaven" and it says they stay with you, to help you thru.  I believe that, he was always taking care of me, he wouldn't want me to go thru this alone.  I do believe in heaven, and not sure if he'll go there later, or if he's there and can just come to me when I need him.  But I do feel him around.

 

 

Permalink Reply by stacey valenti on April 16, 2011 at 4:39pm

Hi christy,  I too have just lost my husband on april 9.  My husband was also Joe and had turned 40 in January as well.  He was diagnosed with cancer on march 9 and did not even have a chance for chemo.  the cancer spread so quickly.  I too don't know how to get through this.  I have alot of support from family and friends but noone who really understands the pain of losing a spouse.  I have 2 children who i need to take care of but it is so hard.  I feel like everything good is gone and i will never feel happiness again.

Permalink Reply by Carol Kayser on April 17, 2011 at 12:01am

Christy, I am so glad to see you are reading, I find it so comforting.   I have not read that book yet, but I will look it up.   I absolutely agree, and I did mention that to Stacey separately too.  It is my husband Jack's love and strength, which continues thru the veil between heaven and earth, as he promised he would love me from wherever he was, and since I know he is looking down on me and our children, I feel very comforted and this strength and love allows me to get up in the morning and face the day, because I believe he is never far away from me.

 

I sincerely hope each of you ladies, being so young, can find peace and contentment somehow through this journey, and that you will see some happiness as your loved ones would want so dearly for you.

 

God Bless,

Carol

Permalink Reply by tyresaadair on April 17, 2011 at 9:41am

Hi Christy.So sorry that you have joined us on this sight.My Joe has been gone 8 months next sun.It seems like just yesterday.I hate being called a widow but,it is what we are.Not one day goes by that I am not thinking of him.I cry ,sometimes alot.I isolated myself for 41/2 months and went into a dark depression.Not good.The LORD called me out of it.He truly works in mysterious ways.I have not been back to that dark place.I get out and talk to people,grief counselor  ,he is always just a phone call away,I've gone back to my religion,they are wonderful,My sis-in-laws keep in touch.I do not know what others beliefs are but my heart goes out to each and everyone on this site.I believe I will see my beloved Joe again.I envision it on a daily basis ,so it wiil be real to me.Hebrews 11:1.My faith is strong.God said if you have faith as small as a mustard seed,it;s a good thing.I'm guessing a mustard seed is a very small seed.I've been going thru things with my grown kids.They are lashing out at me cause they hurt.You take it and go on.Love them and help them thru it.Mostly I pray alot and keep my bible handy and open.I talk to My Joe daily.I may be a widow ,in the sense of the word but,I n my heart and soul I will always be his wife.I can not wit to see and hold him so tightly again.My prayers go out to each of you.It's usually a bad week for me .I get real down a week before his anniversary date.Pray for me as well.

 

Permalink Reply by Linda O'Connor on April 17, 2011 at 7:02pm

Christy, you have found the best site for help. Hang in there & take one day at a time.  It is really hard cause you are really still in shock & reality has not set in. You will be better, but it will be a long time to get there, sorry to say. You will find a lot of insight from others here that will help you. It is a long, crazy journey that we are all on now. I lost my Kevinn almost 2 1/2 yrs ago & still struggle; but I have found more help here than anything else. We all understand, cause we've been there too. Trust the Lord to help you, & continue to ck in here w/others who also are going thru the same thing. We are here for each other. Love, prayers & hugs to you.

Permalink Reply by Christy on April 17, 2011 at 10:00pm

Thanks to all for the advice/support.  I have been doing better since the doc put me on meds.  One of my best friends kidnapped me for the weekend, and it helped.  Joe had fixed her bathroom and when I first went it there it brought back memories.  Then she told me he had left his hat here, it's been like 1-2 months....so I had forgotten he left it here.  Her mom almost threw it out, then she almost washed it....it was just crazy that it was saved, and not washed.  It smelt like him, was his FAVORITE hat, from myrtle beach where we spent our honeymoon.  I was SOOOOOO GLAD to have it! 

 

I cried a bit talking about him but was way better.  I still feel kinda numb, like it's not totally hit me.  But it's better.

 

 

Permalink Reply by TINA GREER on April 19, 2011 at 9:00am

Christy, I am so sorry for your loss!  For me, it has been 9 months.  I too lost my husband suddenly.  He had a heart attack at the age of 52 while sitting on the end of our bed.  There were also paramedics, CPR, meds, heart monitor... such a horrible memory to have!  Like you, I have stepchildren ~ 3 of them.  Since their father's death, his first born, his daughter, has become very selfish, and says that she no longer needs us.  She is dealing with a lot of guilt, which I won't go into, but this is what she wants.  We also had 2 children, one from my first marriage, and one together.  I am thankful that they are here when I need them.

I understand the feeling of having it all one minute, then having it taken away the next.  It's a nightmare!  I wish there was something I could say to help you, but there's not.  It's just something we all have to find a way to make it through.  The only advice I have is lean on those who are there for you, don't feel bad about 'using' them to do things that you cannot.  Cry, scream, break things, do whatever you feel you need to do.  Don't be brave for everyone else.  Let the tears flow... we are all here if you need us.

Tina

Permalink Reply by Connie on April 19, 2011 at 9:14pm

Christy,  My heart goes out to you.  I lost my best friend on November 9, 2009.  It has not gotten any easier for me.  I am on anti-depressants and sleeping pills because I cannot cope without them.  With the meds I manage to get through my day to day activities.  I have wonderful children who are very good to me.  They cannot replace their Dad.  We were married for 46 years.  We pretty much grew up together and were still very much in love.  I have read many books on bereavement and they all make sense but I think the books written by John Edward have been the most helpful.  I am not sure that there is any 'cure' for what we are facing but we have to go on.  I wait for the day that I will be reunited with my sweetheart.  Until then, we can just pray to God to help us live our lives the best that we can.  I will remember you in my prayers.  May God Bless You.

 

Permalink Reply by Joann Vienneau on April 20, 2011 at 3:27am

Hi Christy,

    My name is Joann, and I just joined this group. I know what you are going through. My partner Bill was 47 and he had been off of work for the past 3 years for stress/depression. We both worked the same job as a manager for a chain of stores, but in different stores, so I could relate to the pressure he was under, mind you he had been the manager for 24years while I was only there for 16 but irregardless. As the years went by, he wasnt feeling well, had certain symptoms like gaining weight, hands shaking etc, and we chalked it up to side effects from all the medication he was taking,and the doctors never said otherwise, just that maybe he should walk more to lose the weight and so forth. On New Years Eve Dec.31,2010, I had to bring him to the hospital as his skin had turned yellow. They kept him for a week then let him out. Five days later I  had to bring him back as he was still yellow and feeling 10x worse. From there they transferred him to Montreal, (a 12hour train trip from home). I went up the same day and while there we continued to say, okay you are in the right place now, you are going to get better and we are going to go home, live life again and continue on our journey. That didn't happen. I came home one weekend while his daughter was with him ( I didnt want him there all by himself). She had to leave one day before I got back. When I did get back, he was 50x worse than before, could hardly speak, wouldn't eat, couldn't communicate really, and the doctors said there was nothing more they could do. I called his two girls, they flew up right away, his mom, dad, 2 brothers and sister all came. We were all with him for about  4 days, encouraging him and it seemed to be working, but again,the doctors say there is nothing more they can do, it is just a matter of time. He went into a coma, and never came out of it. I was with him when he took his last breath, of which I am glad. He was my world,my life, my best friend. I was with him the whole two months in Montreal, and had no clue I was watching him die. I feel guilty for the day no one was with him, I wonder, did he just say now's my chance to give up, there is no one here? I cannot go to bed at night, do not want to, I just listen to our songs and watch slideshows of him on the pc and cry. I am lost, he was me, I was him and don't know what to do, or how to go on. I don't want to to be honest with you, how do I get through this??

Permalink Reply by Sheryl McCormick on April 20, 2011 at 6:20am

I sent a response directly to your page but I want you to know it is okay to cry too - that is good for us to work through all of these emotions.  Just make sure you get rest - that is so important even though it is so hard when your world has been completely changed through such a difficult loss.

Prayers are with you Joann!

Sheryl

Joann Vienneau said:

Hi Christy,

    My name is Joann, and I just joined this group. I know what you are going through. My partner Bill was 47 and he had been off of work for the past 3 years for stress/depression. We both worked the same job as a manager for a chain of stores, but in different stores, so I could relate to the pressure he was under, mind you he had been the manager for 24years while I was only there for 16 but irregardless. As the years went by, he wasnt feeling well, had certain symptoms like gaining weight, hands shaking etc, and we chalked it up to side effects from all the medication he was taking,and the doctors never said otherwise, just that maybe he should walk more to lose the weight and so forth. On New Years Eve Dec.31,2010, I had to bring him to the hospital as his skin had turned yellow. They kept him for a week then let him out. Five days later I  had to bring him back as he was still yellow and feeling 10x worse. From there they transferred him to Montreal, (a 12hour train trip from home). I went up the same day and while there we continued to say, okay you are in the right place now, you are going to get better and we are going to go home, live life again and continue on our journey. That didn't happen. I came home one weekend while his daughter was with him ( I didnt want him there all by himself). She had to leave one day before I got back. When I did get back, he was 50x worse than before, could hardly speak, wouldn't eat, couldn't communicate really, and the doctors said there was nothing more they could do. I called his two girls, they flew up right away, his mom, dad, 2 brothers and sister all came. We were all with him for about  4 days, encouraging him and it seemed to be working, but again,the doctors say there is nothing more they can do, it is just a matter of time. He went into a coma, and never came out of it. I was with him when he took his last breath, of which I am glad. He was my world,my life, my best friend. I was with him the whole two months in Montreal, and had no clue I was watching him die. I feel guilty for the day no one was with him, I wonder, did he just say now's my chance to give up, there is no one here? I cannot go to bed at night, do not want to, I just listen to our songs and watch slideshows of him on the pc and cry. I am lost, he was me, I was him and don't know what to do, or how to go on. I don't want to to be honest with you, how do I get through this??

Permalink Reply by Gabby on April 22, 2011 at 11:15am

Christy, I know that this time has been really hard for you but you will get through it, my husband also died unexpectedly last year, of congestive heart failure he had been to the hospital and they sent him to nursing home for rehab, and we thought that everything would be okay we were working on our problems that we had I left work at the night before and went to see him, not knowing that this was going to be the last time that I would see him alive - but I agree with everyone talk to you minister and join a support group and also talk to your doctor about not sleeping - and just remember when you need a shoulder to cry on come back and talk to us here at the legacy group and just write want you want to - most of here have lost our spouses and we all just take one day at time.   

Permalink Reply by sherry aybar on April 23, 2011 at 1:13am

Hi, I can relate to how you are feeling. It is the hardest thing you will ever go through. I lost my husband 2 days after he had a surgery that was supposed to help him. We were married 4 months and 2 days. I buried him the day before what would have been our two year anniversary of meeting. He was my best friend, my soulmate, my rock. i was devastated and still think about him every hour of every day. it has been almost 9 months and my life has changed for the better, I have a new love in my life who understands what I go through and still I miss him terribly. I have our two dogs with me who also miss their "daddy". You will survive, you will question why it happened every day, but you will find the courage to go on. I read from here every day and it does help. Just realize there are people who understand and care and grieve along with you, hugs to you and try to stay strong. My husband would have turned 48 this past Monday.

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