It's been nineteen months today that he passed away and I still haven't wrapped my head around my new life without him. I don't think I ever will. I don't want a new "normal." I don't want to move forward. I don't care if I have this sad, empty, lonely feeling for the rest of my life. He's gone, so there's nothing to be happy about. I always feel especially low on the 22nd of every month so I just needed to share what's on my mind.
God bless,
Suzanne

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I wonder too what "normal" is or will be.  I'm like you on the date of every month I remember and am sad.  it's been almost a year for me....and I hate thinking about all the years to come without him.  I try to take it one day at a time and hope in time God will show me the way.

I agree with all you said.   I hate that I'm living without him.  But I have to say that the feelings that overwhelmed me in the early months are different now. I feel that now my heart is turning to stone because I am apathetic and indifferent living through the motions of everyday life. I still weep and feel sad and empty but not as often.  I also wait for God to let me know what He wants me to do.  Thank you so much for your reply.  Those who are understanding like you help the process as I feel relief and validation so thank you for that.

God bless,

Suzanne

I'm not here every day as a lot of people are, so I'm glad I was here this time to let you know you are indeed not alone in trying to cope. 

I too feel as if I'm just "existing" and trying to make it through after his death.  I work fulltime so my mind is pretty much occupied at work, but when I get home and my days off, by the 2nd day off the being alone is getting to me. 

I always pray to God to watch over me and to let Dale watch over me and guide me to be able to feel some happiness again. 

Some days are worse then others, but I know I am doing better then a few months ago.  It's a start, I know there will always be a hole in my heart, but I'm hoping there will be more smiles and less tears when I think of him and our life together. 

And I always remember him telling me "I want you to be happy" and do the best I can. 

 

Bless you on your journey,  Nancey


"Remember Me" by David Harkins


Do not shed tears when I have gone
but smile instead because I have lived.

Do not shut your eyes and pray to God that I’ll come back
but open your eyes and see all that I have left behind.

I know your heart will be empty because you cannot see me
but still I want you to be full of the love we shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live only for yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of what happened
between us yesterday.

You can remember me and grieve that I have gone
or you can cherish my memory and let it live on.

You can cry and lose yourself become distraught
and turn your back on the world
or you can do what I want - smile, wipe away the tears,
learn to love again and go on.


 

I love the poem Nancey and truely believe this is what they would want us to do. Hugs

Nancey said:

I'm not here every day as a lot of people are, so I'm glad I was here this time to let you know you are indeed not alone in trying to cope. 

I too feel as if I'm just "existing" and trying to make it through after his death.  I work fulltime so my mind is pretty much occupied at work, but when I get home and my days off, by the 2nd day off the being alone is getting to me. 

I always pray to God to watch over me and to let Dale watch over me and guide me to be able to feel some happiness again. 

Some days are worse then others, but I know I am doing better then a few months ago.  It's a start, I know there will always be a hole in my heart, but I'm hoping there will be more smiles and less tears when I think of him and our life together. 

And I always remember him telling me "I want you to be happy" and do the best I can. 

 

Bless you on your journey,  Nancey


"Remember Me" by David Harkins


Do not shed tears when I have gone
but smile instead because I have lived.

Do not shut your eyes and pray to God that I’ll come back
but open your eyes and see all that I have left behind.

I know your heart will be empty because you cannot see me
but still I want you to be full of the love we shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live only for yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of what happened
between us yesterday.

You can remember me and grieve that I have gone
or you can cherish my memory and let it live on.

You can cry and lose yourself become distraught
and turn your back on the world
or you can do what I want - smile, wipe away the tears,
learn to love again and go on.


 

Suzanne I'm glad to hear you are doing better.Time does make a difference we may not want it to but it does.Hugs 

I just read your message and wanted to thank you for what you said, Virginia.  Very true, I didn't want to admit it, but we do change even if it's very slowly.   Take care. (Hugs)

God bless,

Suzanne 

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