All I want is, to feel him touch my face again..
I don't know how long I can take the pain I feel without him here.
My husband passed on 1-23-2011 and I'm really alone begging for someone to hear my screams for someone to just hold me.
After 27 years with the love of my life I can't find who I Am
I woke up every day excited because I knew he would soon follow me outside for coffee.
He would always start the morning off with a joke.
He would end each night by touching my face and we never not kissed each other good night or good morning.
Even when mad at each other we would kiss, it might be a little peck, but we would still kiss.
I have now even lost control of my home, I have no one to cook for and no reason to do anything. It all seems pointless now. I've lost 20lbs since his death and still feel no reason to cook.
If only one person would just hold me and let me cry for as long as it takes.
Just be there, not one word needs to be said just the safty of someone holding you is what's missed the most.
Sleep, I'm so scared if I'm not up a little I won't hear if someone breaks in.
How do you stop the feeling of a pain you never heard about?
You know people die, You felt the lost of a parent or a sister or brother, even a friend but, I've never heard it put into words the feeling of this kind of pain.
And everyone telling you it get's better, really have no idea because they have not yet felt this kind of in your gut sick pain. I'm sorry for what you all have to go through.
But there is a few blessings I've gotten from this.
I know the man I love will never feel this
I'm so lucky to have had that really happy marriage and in love to the end.
I miss you my friend and will always love you, Your Wife
Hi..I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my wife 2/14/11 of a sudden death...didn't get to say goodbye. She died at 36 ...we been together since high school and have two awesome kids. Stay strong dear friend. I have abandoned our home and gave not stayed there since 2/14. But I will return...one day at a time. I don't plan on the pain to ever fade but I do hope to be able to cope and to move forward since that is what all our spouses would want. I too lost 20 pounds but am starting to eat again...funny...everything I order to eat now has to have a side item of what she would eat...little things like that make me smile....
This is a video of My husbands Club Brother's showing him reapect and taking him for his last ride
Believe it or not everyone, I feel its hard to know what to write here for us that have many more months and some even years under their belts. The anguish is still so difficult. Some have been able to move on and even find new loves which is wonderful but they still feel the heartache of the losses and are still here to help the rest of us when they can with their hugs and prayers. I have been hearing several of the newbies stating how difficult it is hearing "it will get better". I am hear to tell you IT DOES NOT GET BETTER. It gets MANAGABLE.. Please don't feel discouraged because you are hearing the 1, 2, 3 year time frames and the pain still involved. Each of us reacts differently.. The pain can still be there and is for many as you hear and I just mentioned, but we just have to learn to handle "one day at a time". Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Don't let your beloveds get lost in the "remarks" others who don't understand make. Some feel they must say something and don't always know exactly what so it can come out wrong. We get upset with the wrong thing said but then we get mad if they don't say something thinking they don't care too. Its okay to quietly answer them any which way you must because it does help for these others to understand how it hurts. I have found for me it has helped to tell my family that I must hear them share about my dear Bill because then I know he is remembered and still loved by them too (but for them not be be worried or bothered if it makes me cry, thats normal too). Feel free to write anything and everything. We will try to be here for you to answer your questions. Also feel free to share your pain, your hurt, your frustration. Its okay to scream, and holler if you must, we have been there I promise.. Do remember to take care of yourselves too. This is very important in this process. Hugs are important, hugs are good. Many hugs coming at you...
I think part of what makes it harder, rather than easier, as time goes on (and it has only been 3 months since I lost my husband) is that there is still such an air of denial -- or perhaps it is shock -- that I guess helps sustain you in the beginning, before you would be able to handle losing the other half of yourself (your loved one/spouse). As that shock wears off and denial begins to subside to make way for reality, the pain seeps in even deeper.
I keep shuffling papers around and finding I don't even understand what I am reading when I do open the mail, praying I find where I put the bills and pay them on time - knowing I cannot afford my mortgage now that my husband's pension is gone and the survivorship barely covers my health insurance...needing to meet with a credit counselor but finding it hard to get all the paperwork they want together so they can help ... not to mention figuring out how to fill out the mortgage modificatin papers. I start to do things and just get so overwhelmed. I just want to turn and find my husband still there, reaching out to hold my hand, which is all it ever took for me to face my tasks with competence instead of this new haze that has taken over me.
I, too, find solace, though, in knowing he will never know the pain of losing me. He loved me as much as I love him and I know he would have suffered just as much. We always wished that our end would come at the same time, together.
And I, too, find myself fearful of home invaders in the night - often opting to keep the tv on all night in the hopes of discouraging anyone from nearing the property. Sometimes it seems sensible and other times irrational. Waking in the night from a nightmare is something I fear happening now, too, since my Bill is not there to hold and comfort me.
If only I could just hold him and talk to him once more......