I am reliving the entire week before Doug died. He went to the hospital with what we thought was food poisoning and was admitted. A couple days later and millions of tests he slipped into a coma and I was to find out he had liver cancer. He never woke up. The 29th of Sept. is one year. He was my only family and my strength. Since then I was run over by an SUV and trying to heal with permanent injuries and pains. I can't work as the Kindergarten Teacher I enthusiastically was either nor live life with my soulmate. I haven't been out of my apt. in over 4 weeks and it wears on me but I try to pray and stay in the moment. Friends have gotten tired of coming around so life is not easy. I keep Doug close in my heart and pray God sends me a way to get to the other side. Thanks for listening. I know we are all hurting and my heart goes out to all. BIG HUGS.Tearfully, Ellen
Thought for the day.

"The good news is that, as your sense of balance grows, you'll find it easier to integrate the other side into your life and to discover the clarity in the midst of confusion, the stillness at the center of motion, peace in the midst of turbulence, openness when faced with uncertainty, and the love present behind fear and anger. What it requires is learning to dance with the innumerable paradoxes of your life while anchoring yourself in an extraordinary suppleness and flexibility that will provide the stability necessary to actually find balance in your life."

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Hello Ellen

The one year anniversary of my Rose's death in the 26th of September and it is hitting me like a ton of bricks as you may well imagine. Having to deal with your physical injuries while still dealing with your emotional ones has to be tremendously painful and difficult. My heart goes out to you and as well as good wishes for a full recovery from the accident. I know the other will never be a full recovery from my own experience. I wish you the clarity you seek and relief from any pain. Higs to you.

Hugs Ellen,I can't imagane what your going through with your accident being so close to your loosing Doug and the long and painfull recovery your going through.I think we all have or are still reliving the time up till the death of our spouses and you are just starting to actually begin your grieving process. It is so very sad when people start to back away when we need them the most. It will require many baby steps and many one steps forward and two steps backward before you can get on some sense of level ground. Wishing you a little piece of mind as the days move forward.Hugs

God Bless you always.



Marrie Osmun-Little said:

Hello Ellen love you metaphores and paradoxical thinking.  Sometimes these are the things that keep me going. Tonight I wander why keep going sometimes.  Like you I have some medical issues and as you may remember Rich died August 21 was a year ago and then last March I almost died and most of the time wonder why I am still here.  I had a bad case of septic shock from a kidney stone.  I have not felt normal in so long it scares me to even thing of a normal kind of life.  Thank you for putting into words what life appears at times.  Hugs to you and thank you.  Marrie. 

Thanks so much Virginia, your words are helpful for today. I need that. HUGS and prayers to you too.



Virginia said:

Hugs Ellen,I can't imagane what your going through with your accident being so close to your loosing Doug and the long and painfull recovery your going through.I think we all have or are still reliving the time up till the death of our spouses and you are just starting to actually begin your grieving process. It is so very sad when people start to back away when we need them the most. It will require many baby steps and many one steps forward and two steps backward before you can get on some sense of level ground. Wishing you a little piece of mind as the days move forward.Hugs

Chicago Beard, My heart bleeds for all of us who are having to pass through losing a spouse. I know Rose is forever with you living in memory as Doug is within me. Thanks for your kind words. Prayers and HUGS to you kind friend.



Chicago Beard said:

Hello Ellen

The one year anniversary of my Rose's death in the 26th of September and it is hitting me like a ton of bricks as you may well imagine. Having to deal with your physical injuries while still dealing with your emotional ones has to be tremendously painful and difficult. My heart goes out to you and as well as good wishes for a full recovery from the accident. I know the other will never be a full recovery from my own experience. I wish you the clarity you seek and relief from any pain. Higs to you.

Oh, Ellen, you really touched me today.  A year ago this week, I was also tending to the love of my life.  He was diagnosed with Leomio Sarcoma, a very rare cancer, in August last year.  By the end of September we knew time was getting really short.  No treatments available, and could literally see the cancer growing in and on his slim body.  This morning I melted down, again.  Sometimes it seem so long ago, other times it seems like yesterday.  I have tried to move on, going thru the motions, for my only child and grandchildren.  But it is hard.  The hardest thing I have ever done.  So glad to have this space, and good friends who have also lost their spouses.  They all assure me I am not crazy!!   We have to feel what we feel and deal with it.  Some days I don't even cry any more, then sometimes I feel guilty about that.  Telling stories of our life together seems to help me.  We were married at 18, and he was only 54 when he went "home".  I know he watches over me, and believe he has been by my side several times.  Hang in there, as we all must do.  Hugs to you.
Oh, Ellen, you really touched me today.  A year ago this week, I was also tending to the love of my life.  He was diagnosed with Leomio Sarcoma, a very rare cancer, in August last year.  By the end of September we knew time was getting really short.  No treatments available, and could literally see the cancer growing in and on his slim body.  This morning I melted down, again.  Sometimes it seem so long ago, other times it seems like yesterday.  I have tried to move on, going thru the motions, for my only child and grandchildren.  But it is hard.  The hardest thing I have ever done.  So glad to have this space, and good friends who have also lost their spouses.  They all assure me I am not crazy!!   We have to feel what we feel and deal with it.  Some days I don't even cry any more, then sometimes I feel guilty about that.  Telling stories of our life together seems to help me.  We were married at 18, and he was only 54 when he went "home".  I know he watches over me, and believe he has been by my side several times.  Hang in there, as we all must do.  Hugs to you.
Tereca, Thanks for your note back. Doug was just 55 years old so yes, our stories here that we share tell us we are not alone nor are we crazy. The sad part is we all had to meet this way but God does everything for a reason. You are a real gift to me today. Thanks for sharing. HUGS. Ellen

Tereca Megee said:
Oh, Ellen, you really touched me today.  A year ago this week, I was also tending to the love of my life.  He was diagnosed with Leomio Sarcoma, a very rare cancer, in August last year.  By the end of September we knew time was getting really short.  No treatments available, and could literally see the cancer growing in and on his slim body.  This morning I melted down, again.  Sometimes it seem so long ago, other times it seems like yesterday.  I have tried to move on, going thru the motions, for my only child and grandchildren.  But it is hard.  The hardest thing I have ever done.  So glad to have this space, and good friends who have also lost their spouses.  They all assure me I am not crazy!!   We have to feel what we feel and deal with it.  Some days I don't even cry any more, then sometimes I feel guilty about that.  Telling stories of our life together seems to help me.  We were married at 18, and he was only 54 when he went "home".  I know he watches over me, and believe he has been by my side several times.  Hang in there, as we all must do.  Hugs to you.

Hi Ellen,

I still remember you in my daily prayers.  I think of you and remember how you have helped me even in your own struggles.  It must be so difficult at this time for you and my heart goes out to you.  I am praying things get better in every way.  I don't know your beliefs so I hope you don't mind my letting you know that September 29th is the feastday of the Archangels, Archangel Michael, Archangel Gabriel, and Archangel Raphael.  Every day I used to tell Danny something about any given day that was special that I just happened to remember.  I don't have him to tell him anymore so I thought I would share this with you.  The Archangels, as you may know, are the tallest of all the angels. The name Michael stands for 'who is like to God?'  Gabriel means 'God has shown Himself mighty' and Raphael means 'God has healed.'  On this day, the 29th, I pray that all the Archangels are surrounding you and placing you in God's care.  

God bless,

Suzanne

 

Suzanne, Thank you ever so much. That touches my heart deeply. I sincerely appreciate you and all your prayers. Prayers and Hugs, Ellen

Suzanne said:

Hi Ellen,

I still remember you in my daily prayers.  I think of you and remember how you have helped me even in your own struggles.  It must be so difficult at this time for you and my heart goes out to you.  I am praying things get better in every way.  I don't know your beliefs so I hope you don't mind my letting you know that September 29th is the feastday of the Archangels, Archangel Michael, Archangel Gabriel, and Archangel Raphael.  Every day I used to tell Danny something about any given day that was special that I just happened to remember.  I don't have him to tell him anymore so I thought I would share this with you.  The Archangels, as you may know, are the tallest of all the angels. The name Michael stands for 'who is like to God?'  Gabriel means 'God has shown Himself mighty' and Raphael means 'God has healed.'  On this day, the 29th, I pray that all the Archangels are surrounding you and placing you in God's care.  

God bless,

Suzanne

 

Ellen, you were one of the first people I felt connected with here.  You lost your Doug just before I lost my Donnie (October 17, 2010). Donnie died 12 weeks after his cancer diagnoses.  I have learned to so much this past year...about myself mostly.  You really find out who your friends are in these situations.  I have learned quickly that I can rely on ME and GOD!  You still have a wonderful way of putting things, and bring many people comfort thru those words.  I found a note that Donnie left me. "Let go the spirit of the departed and continue your life's celebration.  Their spirit will forever be with you." I have this framed, hanging in my bedroom.  It brings me comforte every day, as I KNOW he is watching over me.  I believe he has actually touched me some nights and whispered, "It will be ok" and "I am ok".  He always said if he could, he  would let me know he was ok.  I also believe he is watching over our grandchildren.  The youngest was barely one when he died, and he was concerned because she wouldn't know him.  Last week she told her mom "I'll see Grandpa now".  She told her not today, thinking she meant another living grandpa.  Baby D insisted....went to the shelf and got out a photo album, turned to Donnies picture, and said, "I see Grandpa".  What a girl!!  Got to get it together so I can sleep.....HUGS to all.

 

 

Ellen, you were one of the first people I felt connected with here.  You lost your Doug just before I lost my Donnie (October 17, 2010). Donnie died 12 weeks after his cancer diagnoses.  I have learned to so much this past year...about myself mostly.  You really find out who your friends are in these situations.  I have learned quickly that I can rely on ME and GOD!  You still have a wonderful way of putting things, and bring many people comfort thru those words.  I found a note that Donnie left me. "Let go the spirit of the departed and continue your life's celebration.  Their spirit will forever be with you." I have this framed, hanging in my bedroom.  It brings me comfort every day, as I KNOW he is watching over me.  I believe he has actually patted my back some nights and whispered, "It will be ok" and "I am ok".  He always said if he could, he would let me know he was ok.  I also believe he is watching over our grandchildren.  The youngest was barely one when he died, and he was concerned because she wouldn't know him.  Last week she told her mom "I'll see Grandpa now".  She told her not today, thinking she meant another living grandpa.  Baby D insisted....went to the shelf and got out a photo album, turned to Donnies picture, and said, "I see Grandpa".  What a girl!!  Got to get it together so I can sleep.....HUGS to all.

 

 

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