Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Pamela J Gaines on September 10, 2013 at 3:23pm

You will make it.... It is very scary. My husband passed almost 3 years now. we also married late in life. We also only had 4 years together... But they were the best 4 years of my life and will always remember what a wonderful man he was. I have no children. He took an early retirement and we moved away from our home to a new part of the country. 4 months later we found he had brain cancer and Thank God he did not suffer long. Yes I am afraid every day.. I am lonely every day.. But I know he would want me to keep going. Just get out of bed every morning   that is a start.....

Permalink Reply by Carolyn R on September 10, 2013 at 3:58pm

OMG Pamela, thanks so much for taking the time to respond. I feel like I am the only one here. Yes, I have wonderful people around me but.....not him.....he was such a good man and died too young....thanks again...

Permalink Reply by Jan on September 10, 2013 at 4:06pm

Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 5 months ago. I cry everyday. I too wonder how long this sadness will last but everyday I manage to get up and put on my fake smile and somehow make it through the day. Everyone on this forum is wonderful. I'm so sorry you had to come here. No one here judges you. You can say whatever you feel. We all understand

Permalink Reply by Carolyn R on September 10, 2013 at 4:59pm

Thanks Jan...it's good to hear that no one will judge. I'm here for help. I just can't believe I'll never see him again. I feel so juvenile in my lack of comprehension. But I look at everything and think, well we never used the kayaks, well he won't see the new season of Homeland, etc etc etc and it just goes on and on. I don't want him to be gone. This is not the medical outcome that the doctors (including himself) anticipated.

Permalink Reply by heartbrokenintexas on September 10, 2013 at 7:38pm

No one here will judge. We unfortunately pamare all here for the same reason. I lost my husband 7 years ago. I still grieve. It doesn't end just gets different.
I have also lost 2 children & my parents. Pam

Permalink Reply by Carol Kayser on September 10, 2013 at 11:41pm

Dear Carolyn. Very sorry for your loss and that you have to come here. I understand your comments about things they will no longer see, enjoy and do together. Grief moves at its own pace. All you can do is move with it. I am in my 3rd year. Some days are good and some not. We have to learn a new way in the world but there is no hurry. The work of the grief takes time.

We all ask ourselves why. There is no answer.

I hope you can find some support on the forum Carolyn. Please come back often.

Carol

Permalink Reply by Bar S on September 11, 2013 at 8:12am

Hi Carolyn, So sorry for your loss. I lost my wife Roselyn to a giant aneurism three years ago. The initial phase is shock, bewilderment, feeling lost, disbelief, despair etc.. It is the most miserable time and desperate time.  Use whatever support system you can. Try not to project into the future, although that can't be helped. This is a long voyage with calm and stormy weather. Nobody can take your pain away but we can listen and support you through it. May peace come to you. Just Barry

 

Permalink Reply by Carolyn R on September 11, 2013 at 10:40am

Thanks Barry. The sudden death is so hard to handle. He was in treatment for a very treatable and curable form of cancer (Testicular) and all outlooks were good. But, the universe had another plan. Today is the first "back to normal" day....with my daughter flying back to her home and I'm not quite sure what to expect. I feel "stable" one moment but just about everything can make me cry. The future thinking is a killer for me. We only had 4 years. All of our plans ...... and just the time together.... I'm thinking that I'm pretty glad I found this site. I was wondering if I could get help online but I finding solace in the responses. I am definitely going to participate in any bereavement groups available in the area and maybe even private therapy.....best to you....

Permalink Reply by Ellyn M. Robinson on September 11, 2013 at 4:41pm

Hello Carolyn

I too, feel as you do.  My husband passed in May of this year of Liver Cancer.  We had met 18 years ago, both being divorced and felt so blessed just to have met.  When he was alive I was always so happy that we were married the second time around and how grateful we both felt.  I never thought I would lose him.  Most days I feel sad, upset, lost, alone, crying most days.  I don't know how people really do make it through grieving, but I have read that it could take a couple of years before acceptance comes along in your life.  Adjusting to all this has been very very difficult for me.  I really don't want to go anywhere because when I do I just cry in my car.  I have to ask God every day to please help me through this.  Time seems to be my enemy now because it hasn't gone fast enough for me.  I want time to pass so that I can at least feel less and less pain.  It can be unbearable.

My sincere regards,

Ellyn Robinson, a newcomer

Permalink Reply by Carolyn R on September 11, 2013 at 5:05pm

Ellyn, I hear you. It's been 2 weeks for me and it feels like 20 years. I have hardly begun grieving. The people aren't coming as much the calls fewer. I feel like I'm living in a dream world. I have no desires whatsoever. I just sad, so sad. We finally found each other and this happened. Life is difficult....

Permalink Reply by Ellyn M. Robinson on September 12, 2013 at 1:26pm

I cannot tell you how your words are exactly the same as what I have gone through.  Roy was my life and I cherished our lives together.  Then the illness came very quickly.  Liver cancer is a deadly, silent killer.  He was diagnosed in February and died in May.  I was surprised to read about your husband dying from Testicular Cancer which is often a young man's disease.

I am glad I can at least read all of your stories.  I get to where I don't even want to go out so I found this website in order to read and respond without having to go anywhere.  My sadness is for many reason of course but mainly I won't see my loved one any more.  Hear his voice, give him a hug, talk with him.  I am in my late 60s so to even think of looking for another relationship sickens me.

If my life is that I am alone then so be it.  IT is God's will.  I just can't imagine my life with anyone else.  I pray for your grieving because it can be one of most difficult things you will go through.

The last thing you said, we finally found each other, sounds the same for me.  My marriage to Roy was good.  I truly loved him.

I hope and pray that your upcoming days of sadness will not be too devastating.  I found that reading that others are going through this is helping me.

Ellyn

Permalink Reply by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on September 12, 2013 at 2:36pm

Barry   I did not realise that you lost your wife to an aneurysm - same here.   My husband dropped dead with no warning whilst we were on holiday.   He was (we thought) in perfect.   I had to try and give him CPR.   They said it was a catastrophic aortic aneurysm.   Had never heard of it before and can't get away from it now - everywhere I look it is happening to someone.   It is the completely suddenness of it and the fact you can do nothing to help that is the killer.   They say a good death for them but a terrible one for us.   I am sorry I hadn't realised it before Barry though nothing I can say will make it any better.   I am into my fourth year now and am no better and the pain is no less.   Just thought you might like to know someone else knows exactly what you are going through.    Wish we could both turn the clocks back and be happy again.   I say now I would sell the house and everything I possess just to get him back but sadly we can only wait to join them.

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