How does one respond when a family member tells you that if you don't attend a family reunion in a few weeks  that you may "regret it ,as you have regrets recently when your ex died"? Am I just being sensitive? I felt manipulated. It's not that I didn't want to attend this reunion... but  it is on the same day as my granddaughter's birthday, and I really just want to be near my children right now. How should I take this?

Views: 39

Replies to This Discussion

I'm sorry,but ANYONE,family or otherwise,who can be that insensative might not be worth knowing.That's not manipulation,it's cruelty.You need to do the things that feel right to you and no one else.Your Granddaughter is very impotant[I have 2 and adore them both] I don't want to go to 'Reunions" or any functions that I don't feel good about attending and if those people don't understand,too bad for them,not for me.Stay within your own comfort zone for as long as it takes and as I am finding,it may take a very long time.I wish you well.
Thank you for your reply, Jo. I guess I am afraid of doing anything that will just add to the list of regrets I already have. Life IS too short and I just want to love my loved ones the best that I can while they (and I) are still living. Of course, I know that I am never going to please everyone....but I feel that I need to be there for my daughter and granddaughter right now. Thank you for your good advice...I am taking it!

Jo said:
I'm sorry,but ANYONE,family or otherwise,who can be that insensative might not be worth knowing.That's not manipulation,it's cruelty.You need to do the things that feel right to you and no one else.Your Granddaughter is very impotant[I have 2 and adore them both] I don't want to go to 'Reunions" or any functions that I don't feel good about attending and if those people don't understand,too bad for them,not for me.Stay within your own comfort zone for as long as it takes and as I am finding,it may take a very long time.I wish you well.

me again,

We all have regrets,and will probably have them forever,but threats from relatives should be on their regret list,not yours.i imagine that there will be other reunions,etc. that you will want to go to,but maybe this isn't the one.it is not being kind or supportive to threaten you! Does it somhow make them feel better to make you feel worse???? I have a sister-in-law who does that and I have finally gotten to the point where she is off my list.The fact that I tried to be friendly and got shot down,or completely ignored over tha past 8 months,just told me to stop waisting my time and move on to those who do care and will be supportive.I am much less stressed out.People have an agenda,and sometimes,I'll be damned if I know what it is,but I will continue to heal me and if others want to come along for the ride,on my terms,then welcome.

Thanks again, Jo, for your thoughts on this. Usually every year, my sisters and I get together for a family reunion at the nursing home where my mother, who is almost 97, has been living. I realize that she may not be around much longer and would like to be able to see her once again. But, after this past week and the response, or lack thereof, from some in my extended family, I am not feeling comfortable about going there this time. It is true that we all live with regrets... and I know that no matter what I do there will still be something that I didn't do or do enough of so that when someone dies, I'll feel regret. But, like I said, I want/need to be near my children and their children as much as I can right now. Wonder why some in my family don't get that...

Jo said:

me again,

We all have regrets,and will probably have them forever,but threats from relatives should be on their regret list,not yours.i imagine that there will be other reunions,etc. that you will want to go to,but maybe this isn't the one.it is not being kind or supportive to threaten you! Does it somhow make them feel better to make you feel worse???? I have a sister-in-law who does that and I have finally gotten to the point where she is off my list.The fact that I tried to be friendly and got shot down,or completely ignored over tha past 8 months,just told me to stop waisting my time and move on to those who do care and will be supportive.I am much less stressed out.People have an agenda,and sometimes,I'll be damned if I know what it is,but I will continue to heal me and if others want to come along for the ride,on my terms,then welcome.

Pay no attention to what people tell you that you must do.  Do what you can when you feel you can do it.  Certainly, you would want to be with your granddaughter on her birthday.  People think they understand what losing a spouse is like but until they experience it, they don't know anything!   You need to ignore what people say and think of yourself and your children and grandchildren.

RSS

Latest Conversations

Profile IconTrisha, Shirley Ann Casey, wally benson and 2 more joined LegacyConnect
Monday
gilbert a diaz posted a status
"ive had dreams few time with Danny in it and it felt so great to see him again...i know he is doing okay without me & 3 pets! We misses you!"
Jul 29
David R. Williams left a comment for gilbert a diaz
Jul 27
Kevin Dadouses and gilbert a diaz are now friends
Jul 26

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2020   Created by Legacy.com.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service