Hello to all,

I read a post a few weeks ago and have been thinking about it since then.

Someone new to the group was just overwhelmed and wanted to know if and when the pain would go away.

    One reply said something to the effect that the pain will never go away and you will never feel better.

     At the time I felt this reply was a little cruel,and still think it could have been worded a little more kindly but there is a lot of truth to that statement.

      Becky passed in Dec. 07. I have been to 3 different grief councelors since then.

The first two helped alot by asking me questions about how I was dealing with my grief

and gave some advise to help me through the hardest times.

      I began to feel like I had a handle on things and was going to be able to spend the rest of my life smiling every time I thought about Becky.

      Suddenly I found it harder to smile. I figured I was just going through a rough spot and would feel better in time. But it just got worse and I found myself going through a long dark tunnel with no light at the end.

     So I decided to go to the 3rd councelor. He did alot of the same things the first 2 did but it wasnt helping. I finally asked him when is this going to stop.

      I didnt like his answer. He said something terrible has happened to you and your family. What makes you think this will ever end.

      Then he reminded me that I had said to him that at one time I felt OK and was going to be able to live a relativley happy life. He said that I would feel that way again and when that time came I should make the best of it because the rollercoaster would go back down and Id have to go through all of the bad feelings again.

       He was right. Ive been up and down a couple of times since then. Easter was a big up. My daughter made us all an incredible meal. The egg hunt was hilarious when my 2 year old grandaughter got all excited about every single egg she found. The baseball pitchback I gave 9and7 year old grandkids was a big hit and it seemed the first holiday that the whole family was able to smile and laugh at the same time. It was a great day and I know Becky was there with us and probably had the most fun.

 

       I know that the roller coaster will go down again. But when it does I will try to remember that there will be another great day just over the hill.

        I dont know if this helps anyone but it feels good to vent.

   Thanks for listening,    Brendan

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Replies to This Discussion

Brendan, That was so well put! My Dave has been gone for almost 5 months, and I am on that roller coaster too. I think I'm doing ok a and then something happens to put me in a tail spin. It really helps me to come to this site, and to know I'm not alone. Thanks to everyone here. Hugs to all
Sorry if you thought that I was being cruel for stating that the pain does not get any better. I'm posting the experience and feelings that I have and not the intention that things will get any better or worse for anybody else. Everyone is different I realize that. I am begining to live with the lost of my wife better but the pain remains the same when I think of her and that's most of the time I'm not busy. I'm disabled so I have lots of time to remember unfortunetly. I'm not very good at putting words together at times. Please accept my sincere apology for offending anyone. Ed

         Dear Mr. Broussard,

I hope you werent hurt by my post.  

The great thing about this group is that you can say what your feelings are and not be judged.

I said in my post that it had been weeks since I had read your postand had thought about it alot before I added my thoughts.

 In the end Your thoughts helped me to remember the good advice I had been given. I guess im not very good at putting my thoughts into words either. I have seen several postings thanking you for kind words and I hope you continue to add your thoughts and wisdom to the conversation.

            Thank you,  Brendan

Edler Sterling Broussard said:

Sorry if you thought that I was being cruel for stating that the pain does not get any better. I'm posting the experience and feelings that I have and not the intention that things will get any better or worse for anybody else. Everyone is different I realize that. I am begining to live with the lost of my wife better but the pain remains the same when I think of her and that's most of the time I'm not busy. I'm disabled so I have lots of time to remember unfortunetly. I'm not very good at putting words together at times. Please accept my sincere apology for offending anyone. Ed
I do agree that this is like a roller coaster ride. Waymon has been gone for 8 months. I have had some up weeks and now Friday is my daughter's birthday and I have cried every night just knowing that he won't be here to share it with us.The day she was born was one of the happiest days in our lives and now I have no one to share that happiness with. I know that he wants me to be happy and I know with time my ride will go back up again, but the downs sure are hard to keep going through. I am hoping that someday there will be a lot more ups than downs and that I will be able to smile thinking about all the good times we shared and not cry because my heart is breaking. Thanks for listening and may God bless each of you.

I dont know if there is an up on my rollercoaster ride, but it has only been a month to the day since the funeral of my best friend,partner,soulmate. Today was hard, if feels like it is getting worse with each passing day,not better. The past couple days are the first ones that I have actually been alone. My stepdaughter returned to university on Monday, she hadnt gone back since travelling to Montreal to see her dad in the hospital and after he passed, she came home with me. The other daughter left the same day as the funeral, it was her birthday last week and she went to Cuba for it, I guess that is her way of dealing with it maybe, to create some new fun memories, I don't know> I don't even want to go out of the house, even if just to check the mail. I don't feel like eating, can't go to bed at night, when i finally do go, i dont want to get out. Fortunately I have two dogs, so they end up getting me out of bed because they want to go outside, that is usually what gets me up.If not for them,well I probably wouldn't. I am pissed off and angry and lost!! Not once did the doctors say he was dying...no,, they said  he was STABLE but not better, but not worse, but it was a bit worriesome. The one day that he was alone ( I lived 12hrs by train from the hospital) is the day he got worse. I get back and they say, Oh .. there is nothing more we can do, it is just a matter of time. One week later, bam, gone! I just think, I should have done more, because I can't live without him, I am losing my mind. When I think there are no more tears, out they come... he is on my mind 24/7.. just keep reliving the past, keep thinking about the future we should have had, the future I dont want without him. I feel like I wont be on this earth much longer ,and that makes me happy, because I dont want to be. I am 38, he was 47 and without him, there is nothing, just emptiness, ugliness and sadness, and that is not a world I want to live in

 

Joann, I understand your feelings of anger and of being absolutly lost.  It is still early in your grieving.  It helped me to read books or articles on grieving.  I know that there are some good articles connected with this site because I found them first, and then was led to this group.  I discovered by reading what people post, that I was not alone in my feelings of despair.  There are different stages of grief, and they don't come one at a time.  Sometimes, you experience more than one stage at the same time, sometimes, you think you are beyond one, and it comes back at you.  Don't worry about what other people think.  Take the time you need to grieve.  You are fortunate to have two dogs.  They will keep you going.  Hugs to you.
I'm not hurt at all by anyone's comments. We are all sensitive when it comes to our feelings but the good part is that we are all together and trying to understand something that doesn't make any sense in alot of cases. The bad part is, we all lost someone special that we loved so dearly in our lives. I wish everyone happiness with no hard feelings. Hugs, Ed
I'm not hurt at all by anyone's comments. We are all sensitive when it comes to our feelings but the good part is that we are all together and trying to understand something that doesn't make any sense in alot of cases. The bad part is, we all lost someone special that we loved so dearly in our lives. I wish everyone happiness with no hard feelings. Hugs, Ed
No counselor or therapist (and I am both) could have put it any better then you just did. We all have to grieve in our own way and all of our journeys will be different. The reality is that all of our journeys will have the elements you describe. Well said. I commend your candor and courage.

Hi to all. I just wanted to say that sometimes we may take a posting the wrong way and that however we do take it, is the way we take it. As we know, there is no right or wrong way when it comes to dealing with our losses. Health, financials, children, our pain and loss and feeling of "left alone" leaves us in a state of mind that only WE can understand. We all help in our own way, sharing feelings that come and go and stay.

WE hope that all of our insight and postings, good and/or bad, helps others. It surely helps the one posting to vent out their feelings. Two years for me now and I will always have "the pain and void". Hugs to all. Hugs are good. 

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