Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Barbara Wasilewski on May 29, 2011 at 9:31am

Sheryl,

I know what you are going through. My husband passed away on Oct.20 2009.

He had a 72 Mustang convertible that he restored. It was a piece of junk & he made it look beautiful.

I sold it last year...It was hard to do but I didn't want it sitting & rusting away.

The man who bought it loved it so that made me feel better.

I have given away some of his clothes but there are still more.

A t shirt is hanging in the bathroom where he left it.

I think of him all the time & miss him so.

We were married 32 years.

He had lung cancer. Had a lung removed in 05 at Johs Hopkins & was in remission

for 2 years before it came back.

The last 7 months of his life were terrible.

So i'm glad he is at peace now but I still wish it had not happened.

keep your chin up.

Permalink Reply by Chicago Beard on May 29, 2011 at 9:43am

Take your time and do it at your own pace. There are still change of name things I need to do and her clothes are still in her closet and will be until I get around to them or I pass away (or I remarry and my next wife says its time!) At least the bike is still in the family. Take a deep breath, one foot in front of the other and all that stuff. 

 

 

Permalink Reply by debbie flores on May 29, 2011 at 12:44pm

Sheryl,

 

My hubby passed, just 10 days shy of 2 years ago. It was unexpected, therefore I was unprepared. I had to make quick financial decisions in order to meet with some necessary obligations. That was of course added stress. I made the decision to sell my mercedes sedan & keep his mercedes. Although, I preferred my own car verses his, I felt very strongly about my decision. It was really emotional & my decision brought about alot of discontentment with his children. The decision was one of necessity, at the sametime to avoid more any other unnecessary stress, I sold his work car, a cute lil' mazda that he really loved. That was hard, his children felt it should have been handed to them. I didn't have to sell that lil' mazda, but I chose to, in order to avoid unnecessary conflict. His children were far too immature & unprepared for the responsibilities of owning an automobile. Not to mention the fact, that he wouldn't have wanted them to have it. His life had taken many twists & turns, many of which did not include them. Due to their own & their mother's attitudes/decisions. So has an end result, I felt it a better option to part with the lil' mazda, rather than to keep it & continue to beable to enjoy it. I've regreted the decision ever since.

Since your son is mature enough & responsible enough to take on this task. Know that one day, when all of this is less painful. You'll appreciate the fact that he has the Harley & you can look at it with fond remembrises. And when your ready, it'll be easy to give him the helmet. Just take your time & go at your own pace. Eventually, it will become a pleasure to see your son with his dad's treasured belongings & that will continue to aid in your healing...Many Blessings & Prayers. 

Permalink Reply by Debbie Treadway on May 29, 2011 at 2:30pm

I had to sell my husband's truck in Aug. 2010 right after he passed away. I just couldn't afford it on my salary.I sold it to a good friend and since he didn't drive it much I didn't think it would be hard to part with. But when I took it to her I cried all the way there. I had my daughter pick me up so I tried to get my emotions under control for the ride home. His other things I only part with when I am ready and some I may never part with. I think we all have to do what we feel is best for us and we each handle these things in our own way. May you each have a blessed day.

Permalink Reply by julie thomas on May 29, 2011 at 7:46pm

i understand how you feel. i was able to get rid of most of my husbands "stuff", be it yard sale to good friends. I still have his "truck" and i think i will always keep it (it is paid for). I didnt realize why i still had it until reading this post. i had tried to sell it right after my husbands passing, thinking i didnt need it and needed the financial security first, but the markets fell around then and no one was buying anything and it didnt sell at that time. he took care of that truck like it was his baby, is over 20 years old and works like a gem. i used it for moving and will use it for camping and probably moving my daughter and her husband to a new house. dont feel bad about having to get rid of his things. my mother always told me to get rid of all of it. I guess, that was how she coped with my dads passing. she is also gone now and some of her stuff i cannot get rid of because of how it makes me feel. maybe someday, but not today.  take each day as you can, dont expect alot from yourself, it is hard enough as it is. my husband died on 4/1/08 and i still grieve.

Permalink Reply by julie thomas on May 29, 2011 at 7:46pm

i understand how you feel. i was able to get rid of most of my husbands "stuff", be it yard sale to good friends. I still have his "truck" and i think i will always keep it (it is paid for). I didnt realize why i still had it until reading this post. i had tried to sell it right after my husbands passing, thinking i didnt need it and needed the financial security first, but the markets fell around then and no one was buying anything and it didnt sell at that time. he took care of that truck like it was his baby, is over 20 years old and works like a gem. i used it for moving and will use it for camping and probably moving my daughter and her husband to a new house. dont feel bad about having to get rid of his things. my mother always told me to get rid of all of it. I guess, that was how she coped with my dads passing. she is also gone now and some of her stuff i cannot get rid of because of how it makes me feel. maybe someday, but not today.  take each day as you can, dont expect alot from yourself, it is hard enough as it is. my husband died on 4/1/08 and i still grieve.

Permalink Reply by Floss on May 29, 2011 at 9:59pm

 

Well yesterday, I finally, made a choice to give my buddy's clothes away.  Was finding it really hard to open up the closet each time I need something from his side of things.  My nephew came over with his family, and this was the time.  Some of the shirts, and jackets will fit my nephew, so he will have some and whatever he doesn't feel the need for, he will give to the church charity.  I have kept a couple of things for a keepsake, but dont have to keep on facing it each time I open up the cupboards.  I guess that is a step.  I just felt, the longer I kept the clothing, it will get full of dust again, and he would have not been happy, me keeping stuff no longer needed.  Always made me get rid of things, we didnt use anymore.  My nephew didnt want to take them, but I told him that was alright, to feel that way, and it was alright, if he didnt want them, just to give them away for me.  But I do know he will keep most of the shirts, as they were new.  I just couldn't take them to the thrift shop, to part with them in that way.  The next step, are the tools, when I am ready, love to all.

 

 

Permalink Reply by Christy on May 30, 2011 at 11:00am

Oh Sheryl, my thoughts and prayers are with you daily. I know you are glad that your son was able to purchase the bike rather than a stranger. Baby steps. I thought I would do some cleaning and packing this weekend also, but I have been a zombie once again. I want to do things but sometimes I just can't. It's been beautiful all weekend & I have not left the house or barely even my room more than a couple of hours. I had plans to sew, to clean & to scrapbook or maybe even go to the lake, but I did nothing. I didn't enjoy anything other than the fact I wasn't at work. I hope to progress through this very soon- hopefully today. It's not over yet! Yes, maybe today.... Hugs & best wishes.

Permalink Reply by Sheila Johnson on May 30, 2011 at 9:38pm

I like the sticker that you had "just noticed" on the helmet.  Why???  It gave me a "memory smile" as my hubby rode a Honda Gold Wing and I gave his helmet to a favorite teenager of ours who my hubby, and myself,  really liked.  The teenager was VERY honored!!  A year and a half later I'm still very much in need of a smile of any kind.  YOU just gave me one of my first "memory smiles" that I've not been able to achieve yet.  I've been told to think of the happy times.  There were MANY.   It's not so easy to do.  Please thank your Derek for me.................if you want to.   Of course you cried.  I hope you were also able to smile a "sweet smile" when you saw the sticker.  It was good of Derek to sense your feelings knowing you weren't ready to part with it just yet.  I think you will, eventually, feel some kind of happiness in your son owning your hubbie's Harley.  My hubby's been gone for a year and a half.  The "sticker on the helmet" will be one of MANY "things" you will run across that will surface/cause such deep emotional feelings.  IF you "touch your hubbie's dresser or closet", it will kinda' feel like touching his helmet you gave to your Derek............sort of.  I still don't think I make much sense when I go to this site and only hope my words offer help.   

 

Permalink Reply by Sheila Johnson on May 30, 2011 at 9:38pm

I like the sticker that you had "just noticed" on the helmet.  Why???  It gave me a "memory smile" as my hubby rode a Honda Gold Wing and I gave his helmet to a favorite teenager of ours who my hubby, and myself,  really liked.  The teenager was VERY honored!!  A year and a half later I'm still very much in need of a smile of any kind.  YOU just gave me one of my first "memory smiles" that I've not been able to achieve yet.  I've been told to think of the happy times.  There were MANY.   It's not so easy to do.  Please thank your Derek for me.................if you want to.   Of course you cried.  I hope you were also able to smile a "sweet smile" when you saw the sticker.  It was good of Derek to sense your feelings knowing you weren't ready to part with it just yet.  I think you will, eventually, feel some kind of happiness in your son owning your hubbie's Harley.  My hubby's been gone for a year and a half.  The "sticker on the helmet" will be one of MANY "things" you will run across that will surface/cause such deep emotional feelings.  IF you "touch your hubbie's dresser or closet", it will kinda' feel like touching his helmet you gave to your Derek............sort of.  I still don't think I make much sense when I go to this site and only hope my words offer help.   

 

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on May 31, 2011 at 8:07am

It is heartwarming to read all of these posts about parting with our loved ones possessions.  It is a hard decision but one we make when "our" time is right to part with the items.  Douglas was a Viet Nam veteran so I gave his clothing to a Veteran's organization.  Many of his CD collection went to a fellow musician friend of his who was thrilled and honored.  I still kept the shirts that smell like him or bring back a memory that he and I shared.  He died 2 years this July and we were together 33 years. I don't have to even consider giving the memories to anyone but me!  I wear a lot of his T-shirts and yes, they are too big, but so what!  I remind myself everyday that his memory is implanted in my mind and heart forever.  The photo I put on this site and his memorial program are now on coffee cups.  So, everytime I open my kitchen cupboard I see his smiling face and I can say, "Good morning, Douglas" -- it is very healing.  We are all on different parts of the grieving path, but we are still together.  I am so grateful for all of you and this site.  We are family -- and I cherish each and everyone of you.  Have a wonderful day.

 

In peace,

 

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by Tess on May 31, 2011 at 3:56pm

I just did the same thing.  I gave away my husband's bike--he was a triathlete and that bike was his baby.  This was the first thing that I gave away or got rid of his.  It was the hardest thing I have done since I lost him.  I did give it to a family member so that has helped and she is willing to give it back if I ever decide I shouldn't have parted with it.  That being said, I think the thing that I learned the most from it, is that I am not ready to go through that process.  I agree with the people who posted before me.  You must do it at your own pace.  I think you will know when it is time to give away other things.  Knowing the extreme anguish I had in giving the bike away, I know that time is far from now for me.  Best of luck battling through all of this. 

 

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