My husband bought a new Harley a year ago - it only has 1700 miles on it.  My middle son asked to buy it and his brother's agreed that they were fine with this.  I wasn't prepared for the emotional reaction I had seeing the bike out of the garage in the driveway again.  I am glad one of our three sons will have this bike but it just made me so sad knowing I will never see him ride in the driveway again on that bike. 

 

Derek was going to take his helmet too and wanted to be sure I was okay with it - again emotions were out of control - couldn't even talk.  He sensed I wasn't ready to part with that yet and left it here.  Interestingly enough my husband had a sticker on his helmet that said "It's been real".  I never noticed that until after he died last November and I saw the helmet sitting on the bike. 

 

I really miss him. This is the first thing of his I have parted with.  I haven't even touched his dresser or closet.

 

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Sheryl,  I can just imagine how you feel.  My Neal also has a Harley.  He loved that bike and we rode a lot together.  I have a scrapebook of the trips we took.  I have not been able to look at the scrapebook yet, but I know one day I will.  I had my son put Neal's Harley in his "man cave".  My son goes out there every so often and starts it up for me.  I also have his boat and jeep to deal with.  We used them at the beach. I don't know what I am going to do with them.  We also have a park model camper at the beach that I have not been to yet.  I know I need to go there and check on the camper, but Neal loved the beach so much I just can not bear to go down there yet.

 

I have not went through his clothes yet either.  I look at them everytime I open the closet doors.  I guess when the time comes I will know that I will be ok with going through them.

 

I can just imagine how wonderful it was to find the sticker on your husbands helmet.  It would be like a message from him.  I found a 2 week journal that Neal had kept.  It was for the first 2 weeks in September before he passed away October 15, 2010.  It included the day the doctor told him he had 2 to 4 months to live.  He had one month left to live. 

 

I miss Neal so much it hurts physically.  Hugs

 

Barbara, My husband Neal passed away on October 15, 2010 of lung cancer also.  We found out he had lung cancer the end of April 2010 and then in September was told it had spread to his liver, bones and his brain.  Those last five months of his life makes me so so sad and mad at what the cancer did to my strong husband.  I think it had spread even before the doctors told us.  The last 2 months of his life I could really tell it was in his brain.  The cancer in his bones was very very painful.  Neal was a very outdoors person and the cancer just wiped away his ability to do any of the things he wanted to do. 

 

It sounds like from your post that you know also what I am talking about the last 5 months of his like.  Like you it was terrible.

 

Thanks for listening to my rambling.  HUGS

Barbara Wasilewski said:

Sheryl,

I know what you are going through. My husband passed away on Oct.20 2009.

He had a 72 Mustang convertible that he restored. It was a piece of junk & he made it look beautiful.

I sold it last year...It was hard to do but I didn't want it sitting & rusting away.

The man who bought it loved it so that made me feel better.

I have given away some of his clothes but there are still more.

A t shirt is hanging in the bathroom where he left it.

I think of him all the time & miss him so.

We were married 32 years.

He had lung cancer. Had a lung removed in 05 at Johs Hopkins & was in remission

for 2 years before it came back.

The last 7 months of his life were terrible.

So i'm glad he is at peace now but I still wish it had not happened.

keep your chin up.

Dear Sheryl - Of _course_ you would have feelings parting with an item so closely connected with your beloved, something he enjoyed, and had he not died, would have continued to enjoy, most likely with you behind him.  I am glad that one of your sons was able to purchase the Harley, and that his brothers were in agreement - family disharmony would have been too much, on top of everything else.

And, I applaud Derek for being sensitive to your feelings regarding his father's helmet - do not part with it if _you_ don't want to....you may or may not reach a point where you would be comfortable with Derek having it.  _You_ are the one to determine what, if anything of your sweetie's you will sell, donate or keep - and _you_ do it in _your_ own time, when _you_ are ready!

Sheryl, every time I see a silver C06 Corvette, I think of Byron, who loved Corvettes (he had 5 of of them, not all at once). Dr. Perkins was _not_ slow when he got in his 'Vette; he drove at something like Warp Six, but managed to avoid the attention of the local constabulary every time, the little speed demon! I had to sell his 'Vette for expenses - some told me I should keep it, but I really could not afford to....  Peace, grace and healing be with you - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Thanks everyone - your responses once again are so comforting knowing you understand.  I have been so sad this week.  I think after being married to Dave 36 years before he died suddenly last November, I can now look back at all the qualities I truly enjoyed in our relationship - makes me miss him so much.  We grew up together, loved our family and extended family as well, were still good friends with all of our childhood friends, compatible in our sense of humor, education, communication, etc.   I guess seeing the Harley go just brought up more tears that needed to surface.  I am so thankful Derek(our son) has the bike and I am sure that his dad is happy he has it too.  Derek has a big heart (actually all three of our sons do) and they really look out for me.  Derek inherited a lot of my deep empathy and compassion towards others so it is pretty special to be able to communicate without words and have the other person know what you are feeling.  I enjoyed reading your comments - may God hold you close and carry you as you work through this sorrow and loss.  Sincerely, Sheryl


I understand what you mean Christy - some days when I am home all I want to do is stay in and be alone.  Work is therapeutic for me - it forces me to keep a routine and use my brain.  Thanks for your prayers and just know my prayers are with you as well. May you be blessed and encouraged!

Sincerely,

Sheryl
Christy said:

Oh Sheryl, my thoughts and prayers are with you daily. I know you are glad that your son was able to purchase the bike rather than a stranger. Baby steps. I thought I would do some cleaning and packing this weekend also, but I have been a zombie once again. I want to do things but sometimes I just can't. It's been beautiful all weekend & I have not left the house or barely even my room more than a couple of hours. I had plans to sew, to clean & to scrapbook or maybe even go to the lake, but I did nothing. I didn't enjoy anything other than the fact I wasn't at work. I hope to progress through this very soon- hopefully today. It's not over yet! Yes, maybe today.... Hugs & best wishes.

I also have my husband's Harley..

I can remember when he won first place at world of wheels for his bike, I swear he floated off stage.

I still wipe it down every day for him just as I always did. I've even put is leather on to feel him hold me.

I don't have a son and can't picture anyone else riding it away so I start riding classes this fall. Maybe it's part of the madness I'm in right now but I feel I must ride his bike.

I can see the world around me moving on but I feel my life has stopped the day he left me.

I feel selfish when I say this but I thought I had everything I needed.. I didn't need friends so we spent all our time together, I was really happy. But now I'm all alone because I didn't need anyone else. My doors are closed and the phone does not ring.. But I still carry the phone around like always in case he needs me..lol There is no reason to cook or get dressed because I have no where to go. I can't find reason in anything . The only thing I'm waiting for is the fall when I learn to ride so I can go for a ride with my baby.


I don't think I could have parted with Dave's bike either if it was anyone other then one of our three sons that wanted the bike.  I am impressed that you plan to take lessons so you can ride your husband's bike.  I am a little too timid for that (maybe a motorized bicycle but not a Harley).  I understand your feelings and hope things get a little easier each day.

Take care and ride on sister :-)
D'Andrea Prater said:

I also have my husband's Harley..

I can remember when he won first place at world of wheels for his bike, I swear he floated off stage.

I still wipe it down every day for him just as I always did. I've even put is leather on to feel him hold me.

I don't have a son and can't picture anyone else riding it away so I start riding classes this fall. Maybe it's part of the madness I'm in right now but I feel I must ride his bike.

I can see the world around me moving on but I feel my life has stopped the day he left me.

I feel selfish when I say this but I thought I had everything I needed.. I didn't need friends so we spent all our time together, I was really happy. But now I'm all alone because I didn't need anyone else. My doors are closed and the phone does not ring.. But I still carry the phone around like always in case he needs me..lol There is no reason to cook or get dressed because I have no where to go. I can't find reason in anything . The only thing I'm waiting for is the fall when I learn to ride so I can go for a ride with my baby.

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