I don't feel like anyone in the outside world understands me, even some who are in grief, which is very surprising to me. There are a few, especially those here on legacy. Everyone thinks we can think our way out of this. I don't believe I'm choosing to be negative. I honestly feel that this life I am living would not be what I'd want it to be, but it can't be any other way without Danny with me. There was a time when I thought I am deciding that this is my life now. But I really don't have a choice. I know in my heart that nobody deserves to feel this pain. I don't think I deserve to feel such sorrow either. It's almost 10 months for me in which I haven't spoken to him (I mean in the physical sense) and I'm still crying, and don't know how I could ever again be in a happy mood for any length of time, as I have inadvertantly fooled some to think I'm ok. I can't believe some of my family don't or can't know what I'm feeling. For months I have been thinking, 'well, they don't know what to say,' or 'I should call them,' which I did, or 'they are suffering his loss too.' But it seems every one is getting on with their life and expecting me to do the same. I keep thinking how cold and insensitive some can be. I am living the life of a recluse, I feel none of my family can help me now and how alone and mortal I am. I am devastated at his loss and just going through the motions. I am either walking around in shock or crying. It's like I am on day one and the fog has lifted and I have just begun to grieve again. I really think this will continue this way for the remainder of my life. I have no interests in anything. On other grief sites I noticed that they list their hobbies and interests on their personal pages which include music of all things. It hurts my heart to hear any music whatsoever. I feel like I'm slowly dieing. Good thing my appt. for the therapist is on Wednesday. Don't have anything else to look forward to. Had to share as I haven't gotten any sleep yet. Don't know what else to say. Thank you for all your replies to my other posts. I'm sorry I have had other things on my mind because I wanted to answer you all but I couldn't concentrate. But I'll keep in touch.
God bless and hugs to you all,
I hope you are feeling a little better by now. I just got back from my first visit to psychiatrist and I feel like he gave me several things to think about and things that my son might be dealing with that I can talk to him about that might help both of us deal with all of this pain. I hope you had good luck with the doctor you choose. My mom thinks my asking for help is a sign of weakness and that the Dr will blame all my problems on her. Well I think she is incredibly lucky to still have my father around and that she just might be part of my problem!! Not that she will recognize it.
Thinking of you!