Hi to all. After 17 months of LouAnn dying suddenly, I find that I am soo hurting from the devistation of her loss. With the fact that I almost died two weeks ago from an allergic reaction, I soon realized how alone I really am.She wasnt there with me for moral support.I have accepted that she is gone. I have accepted that there will be no call from her saying to come get her at the hospital.I havent accepted all that remains without her. The loneliness and emptyness and staying afloat financially.Our anniversary is next week, the second without her.I thought that maybe getting the people to call us who have unlimited minutes was a good idea.Only two did,now one.I have tried to input and share and vent.Sometimes I dont know how to respond.I think that its perhaps that I am a man but you know what? I have the same feelings and situations.LouAnn would say, "aw, thats just your imagination". But, shes not here. My pal is gone.Forty-four years with her and I am completely without purpose and meaning. I cant input anymore and the responses to me are few and far between. I want to thank everyone who has posted to me.I'm not letting you down, I am down.So its best for me to just listen to all of you. I still wish that I could take your hand and say, its ok, its ok. Hugs to all. Hugs are good. Hugs are real.