Today it is 2 years, 2 months, and 13 days since my husband left. Always feels like he left and he will be back. Problem is he doesn't phone or write and that hurts even more. What do I do?
Tatjana Kowand said:
Did you know he was going to leave?
2 years 10 months without my love. He made me alive. He helped heal me. His outlook on life made me see it is what we make it. We met when I was 18. Nov of 1976. We married August of 79. Our love was everything, a gift from God. Three kids all wonderful, mostly because of him and his influence on myself as well as them. We found out about his colon cancer July of 2008 that next month was our 29th anniversary and my 50th birthday. We were the example to everyone of how to love. Our children unmarried.....they want what we have. We had 10 months to "get our affairs in order".....though I never once expected him to actually die. It happened! May 2009, I thought our life was "charmed". Nothing could go wrong....I am now alone. I've faced many challenges. My adult kids with me 2 years after Wade left. Then Breast cancer. It's all doable...accept losing Wade. I still feel broken and everyone expects me to go on. I am lonely though no one can know but you precious people who have lost thier other half too....I'm doing it...It is easier than it was but I want my love.....I wish he were here. I am so sorry for all of us here on this site. Carol, RosaMaria, Marcie, Linda, Nancy, Vee, Shannon, Tatjana, Debbie...Sheesh too many in pain! I am so sorry!!! I wish I could hug you each and every one! This is absolutely a tremendous effort and work to get through the pain of this seemingly unsurmountable pain.....it is what life is inevitably comes to. We are called to make an accounting for "OUR" life as individuals....yea...I would rather be a duet, a couple, one of many who make the effort......but I must be who God calls me to be...YIKES...whew...I know!!! Too scary!! It comes down to who I am and what my calling in life is. I know..... I am into it many more months than most here but I am still broken and wish I had my best friend and love. I have had a few dreams but this is not the end....he is waiting as well as our Lord God...Whew.....Many hate to hear that. I'm sorry. I pray for you who are hurting that God will envelope you with his comfort and love...I am sorry "Hurting" This is "life"...God touch you and ease your troubled heart........HUGS!!!!! It sounds trite but I'm sincere!!!!Kathleen
Oh Kathleen....I am truly so sorry for your loss...I didn't have the same amount of time with my Soulmate and forever love, Michael, as you did with Wade...29 wonderful years...but I think we can all relate to the same pain and heartache and incredible loneliness that sits with us every day.
You had to deal with all that and then cancer of your own..there are others here who have also had to travel that road, alone, too (well, without your spouses) and I simply can't imagine how strong you all are! When Michael was diagnosed with mucosal melanoma, we knew it was a terminal diagnosis, but at no time did any doctor tell him how much time he may have because they believed that there might be something out there, some wonder drug, to give him much more time, if not put him into remission, like some of the other patients they had.
Michael and I tried to be as positive as we could but there are simply some days when that is a great challenge and he was a man of such great Faith, but even he felt defeated at times...I know what you mean when you you never expected him to die...Michael died December 21st, 2011...exactly one week after our first anniversary...neither of us ever expected that...we both truly thought we had at the very least a few more months together...we never had the chance to enjoy our anniversary as I was working that day, but more so because his sister chose that day to have a huge fight with him over something so incredibly selfish and ridiculous...it was extremely hurtful an painful to him and from that day, he changed and had no fight left...literally, every few hours he was weaker and less able and I will never forgive her for causing him such heartache and turmoil in his last days as he fought with all he had to stay alive, to make it to Christmas, to see his daughters one last time...why do some people need to make everything about themselves....need to be the center attention, because believe me, Michael would have gladly given up having cancer so she could be just that!!!
I may not write often, but I read everyone's posts and am touched and humbled by them all..I cry for us all, and pray for us all..I know that, like Shannon, after 11 weeks of Michael being gone, it is a little easier some days, but that doesn't mean I don't think about him ALL the time and miss him terribly....I too, just want him back, but I will see him again and until then, I need to go on with things in my life, but that doesn't mean that we forget them or don't love as much as ever...that will never leave any of us...
"Hurting"...please share yourself and your story here with everyone....it will be the beginning of helping to maybe understand the 'why' better, or at the very least, it is a safe place to fall...with all here who care and are more than willing to listen and not ever judge.
Take care of yourselves for me ((((hugs))))